Dreamt about "The Girl" for the first time in a long while. I dreamt we were dating and happy and laughing about how stupid both of us had been. When I woke up, I felt... Nothing. No sadness, no fantastical nostalgia, no missing of memories that were never made. Has she become just some haunting phantom from a different chapter in my life? Not yet; she hasn't become Sarah, out-of-sight and out-of-mind. Haven't seen her or talked to her in a few weeks; have made a few meager attempts, all of which fell through, and she hasn't tried to contact me, either. Really, I can't blame her: not only is she overwhelmed with her career, but the tempest of my departures plus all that happened post-May 4 has no doubt affected our relationship, so that any sort of friendship would forever breathe behind the mirror of what's happened. Perhaps the nature of what happened itself has simply forever changed our perceptions of each other, so that the only possible (forward) movement in our relationship would be, well, a relationship.
But that won't happen.
And I don't think either of us wants it to.
We had a good run. We were good for each other as close friends, but the immaturity of our friendship and the weight of what's happened may be just too much to bear. I don't expect things to change, in the sense of our friendship rejuvenating, or even--God help us--a relationship blossoming, and I'm wholly okay with that. Not because I dislike her, or am bitter, or anything like that; no, my disposition towards her is completely good-willed. Life has its seasons, and so do friendships; these seasons aren't bad, they just are, and all seasons have their highs and low. I'm moving forward in life, and so is she; and I hope her the best, as I know she does for me. Strangely, there is peace in this.
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