Though I said the next post in this "vision" series (if we can call it that) would be my own imagination of my life five years down the road. Because my reasoning tends to be inductive rather than deductive, however, I find that asking myself what I want to do lays a pretty good foundation for imagining my future and working towards that. In the last post I gave five aspects of who I am, aspects that are inseparable from my personality: writing, teaching, learning, family, and faith (and these are in no particular order). To tackle the question "What do I want to do?" I find that bringing together writing, teaching, and learning creates a patchwork that one might call a "career" (though I wouldn't know anything about that).
teaching ~ learning ~ writing
Teaching. Wed my love for teaching with my love for learning, and you have a sort of career path. I've always loved teaching, and throughout most of high school I took active leadership and teaching roles in my home church: I taught the High School Sunday morning bible studies, and throughout the week I taught or helped lead 2-3 small groups. It was busy and hectic, but I absolutely LOVED it. And I was damned good at it. Even to this day, when I visit my home church, I'll have old acquaintances tell me that their kids, now graduating and heading off to college, still talk about the lessons I taught way back in the day. Just a few weeks ago, I was rummaging through the crawlspace at my parents' house and came across a ton of old journals and notebooks from my junior high and high school days. Littered throughout was my dream: to get married, have a family, and be a teacher. I almost went into the teaching program through the career center, but my junior year of high school, I decided to go a different route: ministry. I loved the idea of teaching and preaching, but as I grew more experienced in ministry, both at my home church and through connections through college, including an internship in Minnesota, I found that the politics and level of involvement demanded by the congregations were just too far a reach for this introspective, introverted koala. Plus, a career in ministry is quite often detrimental to family life, and having a family is my priority A. My decision to go into ministry was born out of my desire to teach, my love for God, and my desire to advance his kingdom, to be sure. But the heavyweight factor was the legalism that ensnared me: I felt that if I didn't go into ministry, I would be forsaking God, making him mad, not living up to my potential. It took months of wrestling and prayer to get past such thinking, but now that I can see a bit more clearly, the desire for teaching has raised up like never before.
Learning. Meyer-Briggs told me I'd be a lifelong learner, and so far he's been spot on. Perhaps that's why theology has fascinated me for so long: it's the puzzle, the striving to figure it out, the constant learning that sheds light on different angles and enables you to see things from a different perspective. Puzzle is one word, paradox might be another; but as Professor Weatherly is fond of saying, "If you don't like paradox, become a Muslim." A consistent interest of mine has been the study of history: my Sunday School classes were steeped in history, rather than bible verses, and perhaps this is why my lessons stood out so much: I was able to enrapture the students, transport them to another world, make them see things and hear things and sense things foreign in our modern era. My first written story was about Pilgrims, though it was somewhat ahistorical, what with Ams' stuffed animals being main characters. In college, I chose to pursue the route of biblical studies rather than ministry-oriented degrees like youth ministry or preaching. I love the art of biblical interpretation, understanding the history and culture and interpreting the primary sources through the appropriate lens. I cherished all my Church History classes: the more you understood the history of the church, the more you understand why, as a Christian, you do the things you do and think the things you think. It's far better to read three books ten times than thirty books once; in the same way, it's far better to be great in one subject than decent in several.
Again: wedding my love for teaching and learning, there's a career path, and the one I've been toying with for the last year has been becoming a history and/or social studies teacher (depending on your preferred language), especially for 8th Grade, where the subject is U.S. history from colonial America to the Reconstruction Era. I know I'd be a great teacher: not only do I have the experience telling me such, but when I teach, I have a way of engaging even the most apathetic. I'm funny, quirky, slightly crazy, somewhat brilliant, good with kids, passionate about history, and I can make history come alive. History is, after all, a series of amazing stories shedding light on the mythos in which we live and move and have our being. Studying history isn't about memorizing facts and dates, but immersing oneself in the stories. And teaching history is, I'd like to think, just that: bringing the stories to life, helping the students see, so that they can locate themselves in the ongoing story. I've looked at several different routes for this, and have settled on what I think is the best (but that's a post for another time).
Now, what about Writing? Writing, like my desire for a family, is innate: I can't kill it. If I go too long without writing, I get ancy, I get unsettled, I become irritable and closed-off. The world feels out-of-joint. Really, daily journaling is sort of like a way for me to get my fix: I may not write anything all day, but at least I can get the shakes out of my system. Back in the day I envisioned making a career out of writing, becoming the next Stephen King or Michael Crichton. But the Rise of the Age of Media has made such success stories rare; most authors, even the best ones, still have to work another job to pay the bills. If someone wants to write a best-seller and then live off the income, that person has a wildly inaccurate understanding of the world of professional writing. But the point, after all, isn't making a living: it's creating, imagining, and entertaining. It's immersing the reader in an experience of your creation, and in that it's an intimate sharing of yourself with another person. The point is, I will write, so I might as well make it a purposeful facet of my life. I'm not an awful writer, but I'm not amazing, either. There's much I envy when I read the works of Cormac McCarthy, Ernest Hemingway, Chuck P. It's true that I've been on "best of" lists with Stephen King, Cormac McCarthy, and Richard Matheson. But I have no illusions of grandeur and fame. Best-case scenario, I'll have a supplemental income (and on a teacher's salary, this could be quite helpful). Worst-case scenario, I'll have a great collection of artwork to line on my bookshelves. And who can be mad at even a modest fan base?
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