"The Federal Husband"

Douglas Wilson’s The Federal Husband is much more technical than Reforming Marriage. In the latter he seeks to lay out responsibilities of husbands and wives to one another according to the Bible and to give practical instruction as to how this works out in daily living. In The Federal Husband, he examines the technicalities between Complementarianism, giving special attention to the responsibilities of the husband in his role. Much of this book can be boiled down to what it means to be a husband: a husband in the marriage relationship is tasked with husbanding his wife, in the sense that—with great care, sacrifice, and tenderness—he is tasked with cherishing her, nourishing her, and helping her grow in her beauty, in her calling, and in her Christlikeness. Here are a few quotes worth pondering:

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Men are to love their wives as Christ loved His wife—self-sacrificially. They are to do so knowing that love, scripturally understood, is not a sentiment or emotion, but rather a series of actions which transform. Biblical love is efficacious. They are to love their wives, knowing that this is going to have an effect on the quiet realm of the spirit. As a wife cultivates a gentle and quiet spirit, she becomes increasingly beautiful. He treats her in the way of Christ in all things, both great and little. She grows in beauty, and this beauty is alluring to her husband. But it is not the same thing as the infatuation they both felt when they first got together—it cannot be. It is far more mature than this. It must therefore not be confused with romantic love; it is far, far better.

Our generation has a pathological hatred of the womb… The alternative understanding [of the goodness of children] should be set forth in Christian homes where a man honors his wife with child, her waiting breasts full of grace thinly disguised as milk. When a woman has “gotten a child,” the radiance of her complexion given to her by the Lord should be noticed and praised by her husband. Her husband must honor her fruitfulness and the beauty therein… Men must learn to see pregnancy as an honor bestowed, and they must themselves honor those to whom it has been given. Men must do this generally, and husbands must do it particularly. The point is to see pregnancy as more than good, more than a duty, more than important; this condition is lovely.

A husband’s top priority to his wife is to keep her encouraged, to promote her spiritual and emotional contentment. She should be in his prayers, and she should know that she is. She should be frequently held, comforted, counseled, and taught by her husband from the Word of God. While some in the world may despise her calling and vocation, she should be praised in it by a grateful husband. Instead of a bedraggled appearance and a large number of children demonstrating to the cynic how often she makes love, her beautiful appearance and well kempt children should demonstrate how much she is loved.