Yesterday was my first day of interning when I was actually around the Jr. Highers. Jeff and I had met a couple times before this, at BW3's, his garage, the church. Without diving into all the details, I really enjoyed yesterday. It was fun hanging out with the kids, getting to know them better, and tagging along with Jeff and Dean, trying to figure out what we were going to do next. I am really thankful that the church and Jeff are allowing me to intern this summer. This far in (which isn't very far), I think I will enjoy youth ministry.

Today I am also thankful for having most of the day off of scheduled duties - until 5:00 when we go to the Franklin Area Food Pantry to help out where we can. Tomorrow I hang out with Dylan, maybe go rock climbing, then off to Starting-Line class at 6:30. Friday we mulch/trim/paint for the Rape and Abuse Crises Center at a hidden location. I think I will enjoy it. Saturday I work 10-4, but afterwards my day is clear and open to friends or self. Sunday, of course, is church and all that fun stuff.

My summer is going along well. I hope yours is, too.

After my doctor's appointment, Mom took me to a ring of libraries and we rented a few movies. Red Lobster whispered my name, so I asked her if the two of us could go, and she said, "Okay." I watched the lobsters in the tank and pondered whether or not we'll be able to breathe underwater in the New Heavens and New Earth. Mom found it in her heart to allow me to buy a twenty-dollar lobster dish alongside some cheddar-cheese biscuits. When our gallavanting was over, I got a call from Dewenter and drove over there; we went to The Flower Factory in Centerville, where I bought three Samurai swords dirt-cheap, not to mention a snazzy new watch that's put at retail value around two hundred bucks. It only cost me six. I don't think it's worth two-hundred, but it is very nice. Janie called: I.G.A. found themselves in a jam so I went in for two and a half hours. It really wasn't so bad: Stephanie, Joel, Josh and Shannon were all there. It was actually kind of fun (as fun as work can get). Pat Dewenter and I played Half-Life 2: Deathmatch at my house before he left around midnight (he has exams today).

I must be getting ready: doctor's appointment in half an hour (yes, another one!) and then Paramount's King's Island at 12:30. Tomorrow is a missions trip to the Franklin Food Pantry, Thursday is Starting-Line, Friday is Mission's Trip, and Saturday is work. I have Sunday clear on the calender (except for church, but that's always fun).

The need to surrender everything I am - the entire Me - over to God has been pressing against me lately. Sometimes I make the mistake of compartmentalizing God; God is here, my worries are here, my addictions are here. In trying to overcome addictions, I try to pull my god from his drawer and put him in the addictions drawer; needless to say, it does not work. I can feel God telling me that instead of Him being in a drawer, He needs to be the dresser. Does that make sense? Everything I am must find its place in the Being of God and my journey and intimacy with Him. My worries, addictions, my work, my play, my school, my hobbies, my writing, my desires: they all must find culmination in my journey and intimacy with God. Until I completely surrender everything I am over to Him, then I will never be able to experience the abundant and beautiful joy found only in Christ.

The weather is so nice out here on the deck. I am listening to A Beautiful Mind; Amanda sits to my left talking about our meal at China Cottage, and my Dad and Mom have joined us in jealousy upon the deck. Dad is talking about how cool he is and Ams is ignoring him and Ash is staring at him like, "Is he serious?" Dad is telling Ams, "You just need to look at the instructions when things don't work," and Ams says, "Instructions are just too confusing; I just look at the pictures." My day has been marked with a long day of work, visiting Patrick, taking Amanda and Ashlie out to eat at China Cottage. We plan on laying out and looking at the stars while listening to David Crowder's, Stars.

The day did not start off exciting. Getting a lethal injection in the arm does not compete with pleasure. Oooh, it is still sore. Nor did I think the day would be extremely better when I sat in the school parking lot for half an hour picking up my little sister.

My day picked up with boneless buffalo wings and potato wedges from BW3's with Jeff, the youth minister for 412. He is allowing me to intern with him this summer, working with the Junior High kids. I am excited, have always wanted to work with the Junior Highers. Despite work, I expect this summer should be fun (interning, friends, CIY, Crank's Creek...).

After another doctor's appointment, Jeff introduced me to the wonderful world of rock climbing in the Oregon District. I didn't think it could really be that exciting, but there's nothing like being pressed against a wall sixty feet in the air, convinced that if you don't defy the odds, you will fall and break your neck. Adrenalin surges through you and you just say, "Screw it," and race to the top. It is a wonderful feeling and I hope to do it again. I got certified today and am considering a membership or at least a 9-visit pass.

Another surprise awaited me when I stepped into my door at home: my graduation present, a beautiful laptop groomed to me specifications, had arrived in the mail. After chatting with Bryon, Debbie and Laura down the street, I tore into the laptop and now it sits beside me. I do not have internet on it yet, but I am not complaining: my bedroom internet is wonderful. Tomorrow I hang out with Dylan, maybe eat China Cottage, then Jeff and I go over some internship jazz before my weekend of work begins...

If we really understood what Christianity was all about - what the Cross is all about - I don't think sin would look so appetizing, nor would false gods or false lovers be such a struggle. When the offering of intimacy with God is on the table, who would ever turn their back on it? Yet we turn our backs on it all the time. Many of us think Christ came just so we could be forgiven and have eternal life; we don't imagine those are actually by-products of something much greater, intimacy with the Creator. But even those who do understand - or at least catch glimpses of understanding - that Christ and the Cross came so we could be intimate, even those who can put a finger on this truth find it hard to cultivate intimacy, even if they want it so bad. Why? We really don't have a clue on what intimacy with God really is; since it has to do with religion, we pump it full of religious lace, thereby profaning its real meaning. The plain and simple truth is that intimacy with God is hard to come by; so much stands in our way. Intimacy doesn't happen overnight, it takes a long, long time, culminating to completion the moment we enter Heaven, submerged completely in God's wonderful presence. But even though intimacy with God is so apparently difficult, we cannot sleight it; in my mind, it must be at the center-piece of ever lesson, every Bible Study, every sermon, because it is the core of Christ's message and the Cross. When we discuss anything God-oriented but don't mention intimacy, we are fools and doing a disservice to everyone listening.

Life has been so busy lately, with graduation and graduation parties and hanging out with friends. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been bad at all. I've enjoyed every minute of it. Except sometimes, at least for me, I just need to wind down, close myself off from others, just listen to music and relax for hours at a time. There is something beautiful to be discovered in solitude; while I know we're designed for relationship, it would be a mistake to think that we're supposed to plug ourselves into relationships without breaks. Sometimes, when I am surrounded by people for long periods of time, I start to get cranky and upset and annoyed by the smallest, dumbest things; solitude is a necessity for me.