Revolutionaries

My dad, Tyler and I went to New Life worship gathering tonight, and even though we ducked in half an hour late (my bad), we made in time to hear a powerful message. Tom delivered it straight-up, with passion and devotion, and a lot of the things he spoke about really dug deep into me, the Holy Spirit working. One thing that just won't leave my mind is, "What if?" What if a handful of believers really started following Jesus in more than just mouth; what if a handful of believers really loved God and loved others; what if a handful of believers were overtaken by the Spirit; what if a handful of believers reached out?

Tom is such an amazing guy. He speaks with power, with zeal, and energy that isn't faked, energy that courses from the very blood in his veins. The guy doesn't speak so much with eloquence, but with might. His words are simple and clear, sharp like a double-edged sword. His words aren't puffed up with hot air, but enflamed with fire. Eventually I plan to be a youth minister, or even a 'senior pastor,' and I want to speak like Tom. It isn't just that he's a good speaker, but he means what he says and lives what he says. I haven't really talked to him a lot, but I've read his blog and I've talked about him with others, and the guy is a revolutionary.

Mike Box took over leading worship for Doug tonight, and while I only was there for a song here and there, the energy was there. Mike is such an amazing guy. He worships with an intensity, with a raw and uncensored passion for God. He forgets that he's actually worshipping and just falls before the throne. The guy is an inspiration more than he knows, and he has helped me through my times of trouble and delight; he has been there with encouragement, advice, and is one of the few who really lives the life of Jesus. Yet another revolutionary.

I've only seen Doug Hill two or three times in the last two years, but nevertheless the guy has been one of the greatest encouragements in my spiritual walk. I believe God lined it up so that Doug would be there for me. Of all those who have helped shape my spiritual life, Doug is the one who has made the most difference. He isn't afraid of confrontation. He is quick and to the point. He always has the right advice and the wisdom of Solomon (bad pun, forgive me.) And the guy is real. He is a living example of being consumed by worship, not consumers of worship. His job description at New Life may be worship leader, but it isn't a job for him. It's a life.

Jeff Sutton has also revamped my spiritual life. He took a fledgling Southwest Church student ministry and turned it into something big. He developed 412 Student Ministries, an outlet, a breath of fresh air, for a world thirsting for something to quell parched lips. He is so attuned to worshipping God that he literally forgets that he is worshipping, and his form is taken over by God while he worships. He is a great speaker and his life story in itself speaks volumes on God and Jesus. Yet the greatest contribution Jeff has made to me personally is not choking down my desires and my dreams. Most youth ministers would cringe at the idea of a student leading a small group, of a student speaking in front of 50 people (what if he says something wrong???). But Jeff ignores all the 'rules' of the world and opens up ways for me to get ready for my future. He lets me live out my dream on a day-to-day basis. Because of him, my skill and talent of many things in the realm of leading others have been multiplied, intensified. He is truly a great guy with a heart of love and a heart for God, as cheesy as that sounds.

A lot of people say Pat Dewenter is strange. He is. I love him. He is my best friend, and though he won't admit it, he's closer to God than so many other people. The dude's heart is exploding with love for God. He doesn't bare his arms but lets it flow. He's serious when it's time to be serious and hilarious - absolutely HILARIOUS - when the time calls for it. He has helped me so much, and in our many talks regarding faith and God and sin and all the what-not, he has opened my eyes to many ideas, most of which have found their places in my journal and on my blog. Here is one of the few people I feel comfortable with talking about my struggles and temptations and burdens and worries in this life.

Tyler and I had been friends in sixth grade, but for two years we were separated, and we came together, united in faith and united in vision, in purpose. Tyler, too, wants to be a youth minister, and while he sometimes says - or gives off the vibe - that he won't be any good, I know he will be, for one reason - God is with him. His heart is pure and simple, unfettered and free, tied down to nothing but living for God 24/7. He is always full of ideas. In our almost daily talks on this and that and everything spiritual, we encourage each other and exchange views and wanderings of the mind.

I don't really know Rochelle that well, though I know Kristen OK. From what I've read from Rochelle's comments on my blog and other peoples' blogs, her heart is in the right place and she is making a HUGE difference. Everyone at Southwest saw God intervening in her life about a year ago with a miraculous cure to cancer. It is no doubt that God is with her, and that she is a child of God. She has her own blog now, and it is just something other-worldly. Her faith is so strong, it is an inspiration and helps build me up in my own daily weaknesses. Her daughter Kristen, too, is a spiritual revolutionary - she leads a Friday morning Bible Study (which, I must admit, I've missed a couple times over the last two weeks), and she is real and hardcore in her worship. There need to be more Rochelles and Kristens around.

A lot of times I just want to love on God, to fall in His arms, to kiss his face and bow down. But my mouth is filled with cal, and my knees lock-jointed. I want to kiss on God - an extreme facet of divine worship - but the black hideousness of my own sin bars me back, and I feel so worthless and undeserving. The guilt is always large. I'm not talking about a 'single sin,' just a 'sinful nature.' The fact that I haphazardly look at sin, sometimes sin without care, and then I bow down before God - it just doesn't register. I love him so much, but I'm such a player, a 'spiritual slut.' I wonder how he can want me to love on him, to fall in his arms, to kiss his face and bow down. It is one of those things, I imagine, we'll never understand, but he says, despite our sin, "Come." Wow.

Today another step has been taken. I continue to move forward, not by my own skill or talent, but by the grace and power of God. I remember when God told me, "Go," and not knowing exactly where Go meant, I said, "All right." First friendships were forged, alliances engraved in steel. Deep, personal, intimate friendships. Then God led me to start talking about spirituality with my friends. Next He called me to lead a Small Group for a couple friends. Time has swept me up in a whirlwind of confusion, and half an hour ago I stood back at the computer with my gut screaming anticipation. Nervousness tore me apart, and ironically Jeff's worship music seemed to revolve around God taking us over and living through us. It built up my confidence, and I prayed with several friends. I had practiced four or five times, and every time was rittled with breaks and shortcoming and jaggedness, filthy. I knew I couldn't do it. But when the time came, I didn't even have to look at my note card that much, and the words came like water. Nice.

I'm not really anti-Kerry or anything, these are just funny:

"We make jokes about it but the truth is this presidential election really offers us a choice of two well-informed, opposing positions on every issue. OK, they both belong to John Kerry, but they're still there." —Jay Leno

"John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he still can't explain what John Kerry stands for." —David Letterman

"Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that possible?" —Jon Stewart

"Last week, Senator Kerry was eight points behind President Bush, today he is three points ahead. Is this the kind of indecision we want in a president?" --Announcer in a mock Bush-Cheney ad, "Late Show With David Letterman"

"Kerry scored many points with voters and pundits by finally putting to rest criticism that he's a flip-flopper. Kerry said, 'I have one position on Iraq: I'm forgainst it." --Amy Pohler, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"You see the pictures in the paper today of John Kerry windsurfing? He's at his home in Nantucket this week, doing his favorite thing, windsurfing. Even his hobby depends on which way the wind blows." —Jay Leno

What is it that makes Christians stand out? What is it that makes us 'salt' and 'light'? We talk about salt and light, and how it's what we are, but do we really know how we are salt and light? What is it that really sets us apart before the world? We say the answer is, "Jesus," or "holiness," or "life," but do we really know that? Or are those just the churchainized, politically-correct answers? What is it that makes us a candle in a dark place? When you walk through Springboro High School, you can't often tell a believer from a nonbeliever right off the bat, and I'm no exception. What is it that makes us stand out before all men?

Rebuilding the Temple

You are witnessing a milestone. A milestone in my life as a human being, in every aspect, with no stone left unturned. I believe God has been pressing me to 'rebuild the Temple' of my life. I believe He is calling me to inspect the walls, and to make adjustments where needed, or in the extreme case, tear a wall or two down and completely rebuild. I know this is not an overnight adventure, no three-meal-and-penance exploration. I admit I don't have a lot of it - most of it - figured out yet. I pray that God will reveal to me the cracks in the mortar, and unstable foundations.

"Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body." - 1 Corinthians 6:19,20, The Message

I believe I already have the blueprint for the revisions, the blueprint for the remodeling. This 'blueprint' came from the mouth of Jesus when He said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, strength and soul." To rebuild the Temple of the Spirit that is my body, I must hit all four of these parts, each and every one just as spiritual as the next. I can't pay attention to my soul without paying attention to my strength (physical self). I can't pay attention to the heart and neglect the mind.

I pray that God will move in me, make a wonderful work out of me, and I plead you to pray, also.

"We have been consumers of worship, when all the while we were supposed to be consumed by worship."

So often am I reminded - convicted - of how I am such a consumer of worship. I am convicted of how easily captured up I am by the lie that we go to worship to get, not to give. For so long I have been obsessed with the emotions and feelings and experience of worship; and while all these are relevant to worship, I have made them the focal point of my worshipping. I have told myself, "If you didn't feel God, then you didn't worship." How wrong I have been. It's not about getting a pleasant or even rewarding experience; it isn't about joy or happiness to be discovered in worship. David's worship is filled with tears and distant cries, when he screams out to God, "Where are you? I can't feel you!" How come we are possessed to think that if we don't FEEL God, then God is not present, then we are not truly worshipping. Sometimes God will not allow us the feelings - in a way, we ought to FEAR the feelings, because they can drag us into worshipping for the feelings, not in adoration of the King.

My head is throbbing. I tried a hot shower/bath, but it didn't help - at least not permanently. When I stepped out into the freezing house, it got worse. So now I am munching on Fruit Loops with marshmallows and am going to go to bed. Because of this dumb headache - and because of no gas! - I couldn't make it to New Life. Sorry guys.

As I was driving through Franklin today, I looked at all the leaves: rose and golden and saphhire and burgundy, littering the street. Isn't Fall wonderful? It's my favorite season. Fantasy Football. Student Revolution. Listening to the gentle rain and feeling a chilly breeze. Breath fogging as you walk out to the Jeep. But Fall means so much more to me than just its aescetics. It is a reminder of the Story. It reminds me that once things were warm and vibrant and alive-summer. We fell because of our sin, and that wonderful summer began to fall apart. Leaves fall. Grass browns. The air grows cold. In the Fall we were cast down from castles and manors, dethroned monarchs banished to wander about the cold snow-drifts of winter. To me, the world we live in now is the winter. Dry. Desolate. Bleak. Never seems to end. But one day you look around and you see such COLOR! And the world springs to life! Flowers blooming, trees bursting, springshowers and laughter. I believe the four seasons are God's reminder to us; not only of where we came from, but where we're going. There will come a day when winter is gone, and we step into spring. Then winter will be no more, and we will live for eternity in Paradise.

Politically Correct Prayers

I also call them 'artificial' prayers. They are the prayers you most often hear before meals, or before bed. "Thank you for the day. Thank you for the food. Please bless it." Or, "Keep me safe tonight." Sometimes they can be very spiced-up and spiritually-adherent, but dry when it comes to passion. It just bugs me sometimes how 'artificial' people's prayers can be - and these are God-fearing men and women! I do not pretend to know the intent behind their prayers; but I've talked to some, and they wonder what I mean when I say our prayers ought to be passionate. Our prayers MUST be passionate! Our prayers MUST be real! Our hearts MUST be in them, or they are empty and wasteful. Dry prayers lead dry lives, and passionate prayers lead wild lives. Jesus didn't pray such artificial prayers; His heart was into it - he sweated blood, remember, and agonized for hours in the garden!

Is it not amusing how some people, crushed and broken and on the verge of destruction, crying their hearts out, will take a somber and even reverent tone when praying, and we think, "Wait a minute - that's not how it is! You're much more desperate than that!" I believe one of the greatest hindrances to really experiencing and living in God intimately is the off-hand rambling of artificial prayers. How great an intimicy is grown in a Hollywood script? In the same way, why do we expect to get instantly close to God with four-point and formula prayers? You can tell by my choppy writing - why has my writing been so choppy lately, I wonder? - that these thoughts are flooding me, and I will continue to dwell on them. If you're even more interested, here are some Scriptures to look at:

Matthew 6:1-18
James 5:13-18
Luke 22:39-46

Have you ever had to literally turn your lover over to your mortal enemy so that she could really discover what his true intentions were? Have you ever had to lie in bed knowing she believed his lies and was sleeping with him every night? Have you ever sat hopelessly in a parking lot, while your enemy and his friends took turns raping your lover even as you sat nearby, unable to win her heart enough so she would trust you to rescue her? Have you ever called this one you had loved for so long, even the day after her rape, and asked her if she was ready to come back to you only to have her say she was still captured by your enemy? Have you ever watched your lover’s beauty slowly diminish and fade in a haze of alcohol, drugs, occult practices, immorality and infant sacrifice until she is no longer recognizable in body and soul? Have you ever loved one so much that you even sent your only son to talk with her about your love for her, knowing he will be killed by her? All this and more God has endured because of his refusal to stop loving us.

- John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance

My rambles on Saturday night New Life were choppy and just don't give it justice. Check out an even better glimpse of this revolutionary worship gathering on Doug Hill's blog. Also, his thoughts toward worship make you think, they're so deep and real.

Click HERE

Today my sister and I jumped in the van and drove to West Chester for a New Life underground plant church. I didn't know what to expect, but I was BLOWN AWAY. The worship was intense and cryptic, the mood was dim and reverent, it was a total blown-out postmodernism spree, which is the way I think the church - Big C - must go, or in the end, die. Of course this is a huge topic and I am too tired to write much more. But I just wanted all of you to check out this happening Saturday nights at 6:30. If you want directions, either comment for a request and I'll send them in, or just talk to Doug Hill. Mike Box showed up, too, and played bass while Doug led worship.

Let me tell you what is so awesome about this gathering- you'd think it was the mood, the atmosphere, the postmodernism, but it's not - it's the fact that the people leading are REAL and PASSIONATE, not consumers of God but consumed by God. I hope to be that way someday. I am often so much a consumer that I don't even realize it. But check it out. I will be going back next week for sure, hopefully with some friends tagging along. It was nice to talk to Doug in person once again - I've talked to him nearly every week by AIM, but haven't seen him for almost two years since today. Today he reminded me what it's all about - God and community, and that's what New Life underground is all about.

"We have been consumers of worship, when all the while we were supposed to be consumed by worship."
- Louie Giglio ("Consume" Thirsty Conference 2004)

Satan's Top Ten Favorite Lies:

1. God doesn't exist - and neither does Satan
2. Apathy
3. Sin is Ok
4. No one loves you
5. You are all alone
6. Your heart is bad
7. You're a terrible Christian - how can you say you love God?
8. There's no way you're saved
9. Heaven is boring
10. God doesn't love you

The following idea is not originally my own; I read up on it in Dallas Willard's The Spirit of the Disciplines, yet mayhaps I will adopt it as one of my own. Why are we to believe that there can no longer be any miracles through the hands of believers? Or for that matter, why not demon exorcisms (yes, demons are still around) and healing of the sick? Why are we to believe it is no longer possible to speak in tongues, and why dont we have anymore 'laying of the hands on the sick' as found in the New Testament? Jesus did all this; Acts is littered with reports of it; the early Christians did it; Paul did a lot of this himself. The entire New Testament is scattered with ordinary run-of-the-mill Christians using such 'divine power.' Maybe the reason such miracles seem - seem, mind you - absent is not because of absence of possibility, but absence of faith? I believe Christians can, with real, genuine faith, and with communion with God, do all of the above. When we become new creations - children of God! - we are not just washed, but also changed and filled. We always associate this changing in terms of spirituality - but what if something in our bodies regarding natural power changed to, we just have to hone it (I don't mean superhuman strength, I mean working hand-in-hand with the Spirit). I believe we are given through faith the power to act through the Spirit deeds our old selves aren't capable of. It is the modern 'legal' thing to deny this power, but to deny it is to deny the new life (2 Timothy 3:5)

I would appreciate any comments.

No one understands. Good motives get drowned in legalistic yellow tape. You try to reach out and help someone and unless you completely surrender your entire life to that one person, you're labeled a helpless sinner and someone who 'disappoints' others. Sometimes I wonder what's the point of trying to help at all? You try to help, you screw one thing up, and the world is stuffing vomit down your throat. Tell me, how bad is it to want to be alone every once and a while? After all, solace is a key part to every living being. It's how God made us. We all want peace and tranquility and rest and relaxation. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in reaching out that we blind ourselves to the facts. This will lead do a stumble and fall later on. If you want to rush into something without even considering the hardcore facts, go ahead. Chances are, you'll fail and make a mess of things. Yet that's exactly what some people want to do. Jump in headfirst; ignore any dirty facts, because they're uncomfortable. Well, they're still facts. Say what you want, but if you don't acknowledge them now, you're going to have to acknowledge them later and it will be ten times as hard. I want to help. I really do. We're called to help our brothers and sisters in Jesus. And I feel God pressuring me in that direction. But He's also telling me to not ignore the facts. Don't abandon the effort because of the facts, just don't overlook the facts. That's not wisdom; overlooking the essentials, as nitpicky and gritty as they may be, will lead to destruction. I've seen it in my own life. I am trying not to make these mistakes again, but I'm just getting yelled at and scolded and called 'disappointing' b/c of it.

Patience is wearing thin. I used to think patience meant being able to wait in a line at PKI without complaining. I know that is not the case; real patience is being able to look past the dirt and grime and immature and stupid and see things and people how they really are. Satan has really been grabbing me at this area in the last couple of days. It's beginning to avalanche. Today I just wanted to go on a rampage and beat the crap out of someone but I didn't; that isn't me, and those feelings vanished after I refused to give in. It's not big things tearing these walls of patience down, but small things. Things like friends who hit and slap you, friends who joke and tell everyone you're not straight, friends who ostracize you as a joke but everyone thinks you're a loser and doesn't want to hang out with you. I know these friends don't think anything of it. I know they're not doing it to be mean. These are my best friends. But after weeks and weeks of me telling them to stop, first softly and then more harshly, to the point of me on the verge of blowing up at church, I don't know what to do. Granted, a lot of them are fresh high-schoolers, so they aren't the most mature in some areas (like I am :-)) and others are just mean without knowing it. They don't listen. Do they ever? It's all EATING MY BRAINS OUT!

What is our relationship with God? He's the Potter, we're the Clay? Yes, but it's not the end of the story. He is the Shepherd; we are the Sheep. He is the Master; we are the Servants. Sheep don't recognize the love of the Shepherd, they only experience; they don't share it. Servants taste the love, and can express it, too, but there is no real intimacy. So we are called the sons and daughters of God. But yet the intimacy that God means for us to have with him is not yet total. Most of us stop at Masters and Servants, some even escalate into the sons and daughters. How many say that we are real-life friends with God? "I've got a friend in Jesus," as the sixties song goes. I could stop here, but that's not the end. Here we reach the epiphany of what our relationship with God is meant to be - we are the Beloved, he is the Lover, and our communion is more intimate and fulfilling than anything ever. That's what it's meant to be.