In public speaking, Dr. Edmerson had us turn in our Bibles to 2 Peter 1:20, and he told us, "So now you see, we have to know the scriptures and know what they really say." I wanted to quote some Brian McLaren, but didn't, because 99% of the class would consider me a blind heretic. C.C.U. is steeped in modernity (and the following is an eclectic of quotes from the AMAZING book, A New Kind of Christian):

No model—no matter how resplendent with biblical quotations—can claim to be the ultimate Christian worldview, because very model is at the heart limited by the limitations of the contemporary human mind, not to mention the current taste of culture. Every denomination has its own grid of interpretation through which it bases its beliefs. Every denomination, too, has members who claim no one is as faithful to God as they. Everyone claims it and sees the falsehood in the other beliefs. Some people, when saying they are arguing for the Bible’s complete authority, are actually arguing about the authority of their own interpretive grid of the Bible. Those who are doing this usually can’t see it, and those who oppose them are often labeled fools or troublemakers.

Some denominations will claim that they have the infallible text of God as their backbone, so therefore they say their interpretation is infallible. The text of God is infallible, but our interpretations are not. So the authoritative text is never what he or she says about the Bible or even what I understand the Bible to say but rather what God means the Bible to say. The real authority does not reside in the text itself, or in the ink on paper, which is always open to misinterpretation—sometimes, history tells us, horrific and dangerous misinterpretation. Instead, the real authority lies in God, who is there behind the text or beyond it or above it. In other words, the authority is not in what we say about the text but what God says the text says. After all, the way we view and read and interpret the Bible is through the lens we get from our culture.

So someone may say, “Well, my interpretation is God’s interpretation." But our interpretations reveal to us less about God or the Bible than they do about ourselves. They reveal what we want to defend, what we want to attack, what we want to ignore, what we’re unwilling to question. There have been many interpretations in the past that have been toted as authoritative, such as conservatives 150 years ago using scripture to defend slavery. Today, we see these people as being dead wrong. Isn’t it possible that in 150 years we’ll be seen as being ‘dead wrong’ in many things we say? Is this to say that Christians 150 years ago were false Christians, or we’re false Christians, or that Christians 150 years from now will be false? No, not at all. From all these viewpoints and interpretations the heart of the matter is still the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

One thing that both modern liberals and conservatives have in common is that they read the Bible in very modern ways. Modern conservatives treat the Bible as if it were a modern book. They’re used to reading modern history texts and modern encyclopedias and modern science articles and modern legal codes, and so they assume the Bible will yield its resources if they approach it like one of these texts. But none of these categories existed when the Bible was written. Sure, there is history, but not with all of the modern trimmings like a concern for factual accuracy, corroborating evidence, or absolute objectivity.

I was having an AIM conversation when someone asked me, and I paraphrase, "If someone asked you why you were a Christian, why you believe what you believe, what would you tell them?" And in reply I said, "I would quote C.S. Lewis:"

"I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun is risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."

It is through Christianity, through God's revelation to mankind, that the entire world, from its conception to its present age, from astronomy to science and philosophy and religion, from the things we see and things we don't, it is in Christianity that I can see everything clearly. This is what has drawn me personally into Christianity, not to mention that Christ, to me, is so beautiful and perfect and wonderful that no fallen human mind could've invented Him; He has to be original and authentic. The beauty of Christ and the perfect, logical sense that Christianity makes, even in all of its mystery, is what draws me to the heart of God.

There are some things about this world that just don't make sense to me, no matter how hard I try to understand them. Some things just boggle my mind and I find my hands clenching into fists and my voice rising heavenwards, asking, "Why? Why? Why?"

Why are those who want to take advantage of girls and fake divine affection just so they can have sex with them so successful so much of the time, when those who really want to treat girls right, want them to know they're beautiful, and want to love them with service and sacrifice and selflessness left to dream empty dreams? Here on campus I have met those from both parties, and the party with corrupt intentions, the party who cheats and steals and lies and abuses the desires of romance that girls have, this corrupt party is thronged with girls. Those in the latter party, including me and many of my friends, we who wish to give girls what they desire and what they deserve, are forced to watch as girls are abused and turned into hollow shells by the senseless acts of 'affection' graced upon them.

How come we who have the best of intentions are always misread, and often treated like dirt for no reason? How come we show so much love and are returned so very little? And how come, to those you've shown agape love, they thank you by turning that love into a contract and using it against you?

How come we Americans live in ignorance so much of the time? How come we drive fancy cars and eat fancy food and think only of football when there is genocide, civil war, and thirty thousand children dying every day of starvation in our world? How come we are so materialistic and lust after having this-or-that and thinking, "Hey, if I had this in my possession, my life would be complete!" Ironic how we say that a day after our life-fulfillment should've taken place. It just amazes me that I can be so materialistic in this world. I spend my time building up a cozy little nest-egg of sorts and refuse to think about life outside my little box. It really is pathetic.

The window is open, it feels like fall, it's quite a nice day. And I also finished my two Acts of the Apostles papers, which I was dreading. That makes me happy. And I may even see Mike today since he's coming down onto the campus for registration. Who knows?

During chapel there was a speaker who spoke on winning souls over to Christ. While I'm not a huge fan of the terminology (it makes reaching out seem more like an objective of arithmetic, not about inviting people into the Kingdom), I think his message was a good one (well, most of it). A lot of us (especially me) in America are secluded from the rest of the world, locked in our little hovels with the computer screen glowing, ignorant of the disasters and horrors across the world, ignorant of thirty thousand children who die each day of starvation. His message waned away from the whole witnessing thing to how we are the Light and we are called by Christ to care about the world and help out our brothers and sisters in humanity. That part really touched me and I am convinced I need to take some steps to follow Christ's teachings in this area; perhaps this can tie in somehow with my last post?

But there was a point where I disagreed with him. When he finally got back on track with the whole reaching out and witnessing thing, he said something to the extent of, "Condemnation must be a big part of our speech." His point was, "Christ admits there is such a thing as condemnation. So, if we are like Christ, we must tell people they are condemned. We have to make sure they know." I'm not going to really get into details, but as I look through the Gospels, Christ hardly ever tells people how condemned they are, He rather invites them into the Kingdom. Does this rule out the truth of condemnation? Not at all. But using condemnation as a tool for witnessing isn't the right way to go. When Christ does sing about condemnation, it's usually against the religious people, not the "pagan, godless sinners". He seems to love being around the "heathens" and living life with them. This is interesting.

Public Speaking is one of my favorite classes, probably because of the teacher, a black preacher here in Cincy. He is the typical Southern Baptist preacher; he reminds me of C.G. Allen. Yet there is one thing he said regarding witnessing that I disagree with. He said we needed to know our scriptures so we can be ready to pull them out and throw them at people when the time comes. His way isn't condemnation, it's gentleness and meekness, but he relies completely on the scriptures. I think, and this is just my opinion, that because most people who aren't Christians don't put much stock in the Bible, should we really be using the Bible to show them the Kingdom? I know this sounds heretical, but it's simple logic. You can't convince someone of something if they don't trust your sources. I think a new and better way for reaching them needs to be discovered. After all, isn't that what Paul did in Acts 17?

These are just my thoughts for today. They are here today and gone tomorrow, but they're still my thoughts.

This weekend I looked over the dog of some friends from Southwest who are moving to South Carolina. I am happy I've been given this opportunity, because without much to do, I was driven to spend a lot of time in prayer and contemplation. God has spoken to me so many times this weekend, comforting me in my struggles and whispering sweet-somethings in my ear. I am so thankful that He loves me and it's not a political love; He loves me because He likes me, not because He's the Creator and all. He has just been speaking to me His will and quieting my fears and worries about the future. He's like a Daddy. A very powerful Daddy.

Today during unplugged worship, Adam said that when we come to encounter God in a holy and wild way, the response isn't, "Wow, this is neat," but "Woe is me." It reminds me of the prophets who might've thought they were all big and bad to be God's representatives, but when they saw the holiness and power of God, they cried out, "Woe is me," without faking it. Or Peter, who saw Christ's glory on the mountaintop, and upon the revelation fell down on his face in terror. I haven't had any visions of Christ glowing like a torch in the night, but I have heard His voice, I have felt His touch, I have felt just an inkling of His insane, passionate, indescribable and agape love. And my response: "Woe is me."

One of the things God presented to me, something I realize I really need to deal with, is my materialism. It really consumes me. Materialism infects our society and it hasn't escaped me. It has even gotten worse; I know it's wrong, I know it's foolish, I know it's just plain stupid, but sometimes I see a book or a Bible and I think, "Wow, if I had that, I would be able to become a better disciple of Christ." So I veil my materialism in spirituality to try and hide it and make it O.K. God called me out on it and pretty much said, "Stop." Besides, becoming a better disciple of Christ is about being transformed by God, not by reading ink-on-paper. I can't undo the past fruit of my materialism, but I can make a movement now to kill it off. I realize that my materialism is rampant and ugly and not like Christ at all and as a disciple of Christ, I must rid of it.

Here are some steps I hope to accomplish, at least for three months (a manageable goal):

1) Don't spend money on material goods that aren't absolutely necessary

2) Don't spend money on food (I have a meal-plan)

3) Divide total money into sums for weeks/months and give the money to various charities

I believe this is what God is calling me to do, and He seems to have said, "Three months." After that, who knows? I know that it will be hard for me, especially when reading Adam's blog or talking to Rochelle and hearing all the great books they're reading. I know it will be hard when all my friends and I go to Applebee's and I am sitting there in the booth eating something I got in the campus coffee-shop. But Christ never said His way would be easy all the time; He simply said it was the Way, and I am a follower of His, and therefore I claim the Way as my own.

What drives me crazy about America is its many ugly parodies of religion. I am tired of pipe bombs in abortion clinics, tired of gay-bashing festivals, tired of those people who stand on street-corners handing out tracts while condemning those locked in wicked lifestyles. How in the world can Christians who do such things keep a straight and pious face at church, when that afternoon they will proceed to hate others into Christianity, making people fear the wrath of God, and telling them they're going to Hell for the way they live? I am tired of churches where gays aren't welcome, where pregnant girls are scorned, where prayer-gossip fills the pews.

How can this be happening? When did we get the idea that serving God and spreading His Message is about putting people to shame? It amazes me that we Christians often commit such shameful and hateful atrocities in the name of Christ! These are modern-day witch-hunts, inquisitions and crusades. It amazes me--and horrifies me--that this happens, simply because it isn't Christ at all!

Christ's message is, at the core, a message of LOVE. Love not only yourself, love not only the Church, love everybody. Love terrorists, murderers, gays, prostitutes, drug dealers, loud-mouths, even fundamentalists. Love EVERYONE, no matter WHAT, regardless of who they are or what they've done.

So often this beautiful message is lost in a society that often tries to hate people to God. It has been said that Christians can be the meanest people on the planet; my hope is that these "mean" Christians will see the real Jesus, not their pre-packaged verson, and, for lack of a better word, repent. I find it ironic that so many Christians spend time bashing gays in the name of Christ that they fail to see that Christ never mentions homosexuality, but is always enraged with religious-funded hypocrisy.

My prayer is that, despite my fermenting irritation, I will become more and more like Christ and even love those who hate others in the name of Love-incarnate.

God makes us in his image. We reflect the beauty and creativity and wonder of the God who made us. And Jesus calls us to return to our true selves. The pure, whole people God originally intended us to be, before we veered off course.

Somewhere in you is the you whom you were made to be.

We need you to be you.

We don't need a second anybody. We need the first you.

The problem is that the image of God is deeply scarred in each of us, and we lose trust in God's version of our story. It seems too good to be true. And so we go searching for an identity. We achieve and we push and we perform and we shop and we work out and we accomplish great things, longing to repair the image. Longing to find an identity that feels right.

Longing to be comfortable in our own skins.

But the thing we are searching for is not somewhere else. It is right here. And we can only find it when we give up the search, when we surrender, when we trust. Trust that God is already putting us back together.

More wise words from Rob Bell.

I just returned from taking my Greek/Roman History exam on the Minoan, Mycenaean, Dark Age and Archaic cultures of ancient Greece. I studied a lot over the weekend then read through my notebook before class. I knew I was in good shape when I could close my notebook and recite in paragraph form the evolution of Greek society. So needless to say I am quite content that I scored a good grade.

Well, I have an hour or two to relax before going to the Library to knock out a butt-load of English. I have a paper to write, another to begin writing, and a chapter to read. And these are twenty-five-page chapters. I was going to say fifty but realized that was an exaggeration, and I didn't want to be indentified as a compulsive liar.

These words of Rob Bell ring over and over within me:

[Many pastors] live in reaction to everybody around them because no one ever taught them to have a spine... They are trying to teach people about a way of life that isn't true of their own life. On a regular basis when I'm with pastors, I'll ask them if the message they are preaching isn't the dominant reality of their own life. You can't believe how many will say that it isn't.

So my question for leaders--and for Christians everywhere--is, are you smoking what you're selling?

I cannot lead people somewhere I am not trying to go myself. I don't have to have arrived, I don't have to be perfect, but I do need to be on the path.

This morning when I woke up, Dad came with the mail and I asked for no reason, "Do I have any mail?" I didn't expect any, I just had nothing better to say. I took the mail from his hands to see what bills we'd have to pay and found a letter from Ransomed Heart ministries (there's a link on the right side of the page). Inside was a letter from John Eldredge compelling us to seek the Kingdom of God. I read it to the end, expecting him to ask for money to help the ministries. There was no such ending. He pressed forward the importance of living the Kingdom, wished us peace, then signed the letter.

I thought it was simply amazing.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone from a Christian organization--especially a leader--send out a letter to a whole bunch of people without asking for some type of donation or acceptance. His message was raw and honest, without an agenda. If there had been a request for money, I would've tossed the letter away and considered it done. But there was none, and it made me stop and think.

See, I find that if someone does something with an agenda, I don't really feel... captivated. It's like Rob Bell said: "If we love with an agenda... is that really love?" No, I don't think so. A lot of times we Christians can get into the mind-set that we need to do works with the agenda of letting others see us, so we can tell them we're doing it for Christ. Or we preach the Message with an agenda for them to come to our church and contribute. Or we love others with the agenda of just leading them to Christ. I may sound heretical, but this doesn't seem right to me.

Doesn't Christ tell us to 'hide' our good works? In other words, not do them for show? How is doing them with an agenda not doing them for show?

Are we called to strengthen our church buildings or to invite others into the Kingdom? If our pursuit is to buff up our church attendance, if our pursuit is not about bringing people into contact with the King, then are we really spreading the Message as Christ would? Again, I don't think so.

If we love other people just so they'll listen to us preach, are we really loving them? I don't think so.

These are my opinions, my rants. Don't swallow them whole. I could be wrong. And I could change my mind later on down the road.

Today marks the sneak preview of The Garage. I must say, it was quite impressive. I mean, I remember the days when I would ride the bus past it and think, I wonder what goes on in there. And now I am a part of something huge that is developing all around it! Some friends and I crept down to Jeff's office before it opened and looked around; we all remembered when we stood in the same area except it was all slimy concrete and fresh lumber, held hands, and prayed for the future of The Garage. Then, The Garage was still yet an ideal, not something to be grasped.

Not anymore.

Honestly, I was worried. Worried that not a lot of people would show up.

It was packed. And I heard people saying, "This is awesome! This rocks! Wow!"

I'm here spending the weekend with my family, plan on sleeping on the couch with puppy at my side, and tomorrow I will go to The Garage, eat some Chinese, and visit 1/2 Price Books to see if they have anything on the Minoan time period of ancient Greece. I have a Greek/Roman exam on Monday which I plan on studying for, as well. I am also very happy that my parents are letting me take the Jeep down to C.C.U. (it will make things SO much easier...)

Amanda heard the music and told me I should put a sticker on my blog that reads GAY. Harsh, but nice visual. I apologize to everyone, but I think Michelle Branch is very talented, and I enjoy her work immensely.

So for now I am off to brush my teeth and take my pills and take out my contacts, then snuggle with the D-hizzle. The only thing that would make this night perfect were if one of my best friends would stop ignoring and avoiding me like he has been for the last four weeks.

After classes today I decided to watch Nick's copy of The Exorcist. Amazing movie, by the way. John and Julie saw The Exorcism of Emily Rose, a movie I've been wanting to see ever since the first preview. Movies that involve angels and demons, whether it be the Exorcist movies or Constantine, have always intrigued me. Caleb, Brian, John, Julie and I decided to hit up Applebee's. Fun times, as always. Tomorrow I head back to Springboro--The Garage opens! I can hardly believe it. I'm sure it will be exciting, though. Kudos to Jeff and Dave and everyone who sweated blood on getting it ready!

Here I sit in Panera Bread Company, listening to Straylight Run on my brand-new Sony CD Walkman. I bought the lime color because it reminds me of David Crowder's Lime CD, not to mention it was ten dollars cheaper than the black edition.

Today marks my first full month being a resident at Cincinnati Christian University. At the beginning, part of me doubted whether or not this was really the place for me. I think the boredom of Early Week and the fact that nobody was here (loneliness) factored in. But I continued to hear God tell me, "Just wait, okay? Just wait." I waited and now I am confident in my position and pursuit of my dreams. One of my greatest fears was leaving the Jr. High ministry behind me when I came to C.C.U. I love those kids and enjoyed working with them; the thought of abandoning them after only three months was a painful one. I am thankful that I am being priviliged with teaching class for them on Sundays.

Two friends and I drove down here to get some homework done, and I am thankful to have my English rough draft and my Acts of the Apostles paper done. At least, like I told a friend in the dorms, it's not algebra. My friends are still working so I hijack the wifi and plan on writing the second chapter of my romantic tragedy.

The Prologue to my Romantic Tragedy

By the time you read this, I will be gone.

To be completely transparent, I am left empty of words to write down. It is funny, because when I sat down with pen and paper, the words seemed to be black-and-white, ready to be dredged from the back of my mind and placed on paper in perfect order. But when I sat down, none of those ‘black-and-white’ words came to me. And this is where I am now. So many thoughts are coming, so many untouchable images that words fail to describe, are trying to find their way onto this notebook paper. It’s ironic. Finally I can force someone to hear my story, to see it from my angle, but the way I tell it in my head is impossible for me to translate onto paper. Emotions, memories, feelings, hopes, dreams, despairs and fears guide the story within, and how can I accurately tell you what this brew of voiceless thoughts describes? Quite simply, I can’t.

You know what happened. You were there all along. My goal is not to simply tell you what happened. I hope this does so much more than that. I am hoping this is a window into my soul. Although you witnessed those things I am going to describe, although you saw it with your eyes, you were denied its true power and experience, simply because you aren’t me. I want to show you what happened, not just from my eyes but from my heart, the wellspring of life. I want to show you this so you can, if possible, see the entire picture… and maybe even understand.

Please. Don’t judge me.

I feel I have no other choice.

And maybe, when you finish this, you’ll agree.

So I am going to turn the page and start telling my story. I’m certainly no expert storyteller, so I will just try to tell this story as best I can. I don’t think I’ll change my mind.

I’ve already bought the pills.

After much questioning and trying to figure out if it was the best thing to do, I walked over to the bookstore here on campus and purchased Velvet Elvis. The moment I held it in my hands, I knew I had made a smart investment. It was that Friday night that I crept into my dorm room, lay down, turned on the light, and began to read.

I read through Chapter One.

I read into Chapter Two.

And I stopped. I had to put the book down. It wasn't what I expected. His words resonated with me in a way that only a few authors' words have. I can only compare it to my first readings of Hearing God, The Spirit of the Disciplines, and The Divine Conspiracy. Except these were the words of Rob Bell, not Dallas Willard.

Rob Bell spoke of how many of us interpret the scriptures, and how we think that our interpretation is right and everyone else's is wrong. Some of us may even go so far as to believe that we are just "reading what the Bible says" and therefore there's no room for opinion. What we must realize is that our interpretation is saturated with opinion. Our interpretation isn't going to be unbiased, because we are constantly affected by culture, our experiences, what we've read, what we've learned, what we've taught, and what we've come to believe. The truth is, if I think my interpretation of the scriptures is objective and more accurate than yours, I am simply being arrogant. When we disagree on a biblical issue, it is not disagreeing on eternal truths, it is disagreeing on how we interpret those eternal truths. "

My interpretation is right. Your interpretation is wrong."

In other words, "I think the Bible means this, and since you think otherwise, you're wrong. You don't agree with me, therefore you're wrong."

My own view of the scriptures and my interpretation of them has been molded by the culture in which I exist, the books I have read, the ideas I've had, the hopes I've yearned for, and the people I've talked to. It is easy for me to think that I know exactly what's going on and the person over there is way off-base. That's arrogant. Sometimes the way I interpret scripture and the way you interpret scripture will be different.

And that's OK.

Although it is my belief that we must not wander from the simple truths of the Message: salvation through Christ, commitment to Christ, loving God and loving others, to name a few.

And I'm sure some people will disagree with me.

And that's OK.

This morning I read 1 John 5:16-18 where John talks about "fatal" sin. He says, "There is such a thing as a fatal sin, and I'm not urging you to pray about that. Everything we do wrong is sin, but not all sin is fatal. We know that none of the God-begotten makes a practice of sin--fatal sin." Earlier in the passage he states that fatal sin is actually a practice of sin: "If we see a Christian believer sinning (clearly, I'm not talking about those who make a practice of sin in a way that is 'fatal'...)"

He says no God-begotten makes a practice of fatal sin, and then in the first chapter of this book he says that everyone sins, no question about it, but we have a mediator between us and God who cleanses us of our sin.

My question is, "What is fatal sin?"

Some have said it is homosexuality. I think this is just another way to attack the sin most people hate the most. Anyone's content to have stealers and judgmental people who have been forgiven with them in the eternal Kingdom, but how many will be content with having forgiven homosexuals at their side? I think viewing fatal sin as homosexuality is our own judgmental interpretation. We would think that if "fatal" sin were any certain sin, wouldn't it be hypocrisy or not loving others, sins that are a big deal to Christ (how many times does he ram homosexuality?)

I have come to believe that fatal sin is a lifestyle of sin. God-begotten do not practice lifestyles of sin. Lifestyles of immorality, I think, is what John is talking about. A lifestyle of immorality is akin to sexual sin on a common basis with no sense of guilt, or making a practice of theft or lust.

My Artifact Speech in Public Speaking

The artifact I have brought to class is a leather beanie of a Triceratops. My sister bought it for me over the summer during a C.I.Y. trip. Ever since I’ve been a little child, dinosaurs have held an interest in my mind. To be completely blunt, I think they are the most beautiful creatures God has ever created. When not hanging out with friends, I spent much of my days reading books on dinosaurs and taking notes, even writing a dinosaur encyclopedia with dinosaur biographies and several articles.

When I heard God’s voice calling me to serve Him, my passion for dinosaurs kept, in my opinion, getting in the way. I was torn between two polar careers—ministry or paleontology? The thought of abandoning my passion for dinosaurs tore me apart; I simply couldn’t dream of giving up my dinosaur books and movies, much less denying my passion altogether. Yet something told me that I had to give it up if I wanted to serve God. It seemed to make sense, so I continued trying to deny my passion.

It never worked. Sometimes I would be able to crucify the passion for months on end, but the passion would always come back, strong and without warning. Sometimes I would just wake up at two in the morning with my heart pounding, the passion there all the more. A whisper in the back of my mind spoke: “You’re such a terrible person.” Here I stood, desiring my discipleship to Christ to deepen, and my desire for dinosaurs—as silly and weird as it sounds—standing in the way.

Then I read the words of Gerald May: “There is a desire within each of us, in the deep center of ourselves that we call our heart. We were born with it, it is never completely satisfied, and it never dies. We are often unaware of it, but it is always awake… Our true identity, our reason for being, is to be found in this desire.”

His words seemed to contradict everything I had come to believe. The quote struck me deep, and traumatized by its words I took it to God in prayer, and this is what, through circumstances and conversations and scripture, He told me:

“I had you in mind even before the creation of the universe, and I designed you in My image. The passion for dinosaurs that you have is but a glimpse of the passion for dinosaurs that I have. I have given it to you. But because of the Fall, because of sin, your purpose is not to be attained in this life. I call you now to something greater; I call you to ministry, I call you to take the Message of My Son to those who’ve never heard it, and to those who’ve heard it so much that they’ve actually forgotten the beauty of it. Do not forsake your desire; it is a gift I have given you, an intimate part of Me that has been put on you. Remember: this life is coming to an end. When all is said and done and Satan is banished, I will recreate the universe, re:spin all its stars and galaxies, trees and animals, and dinosaurs will be included. It is here that your eternal purpose is fulfilled—you will study my creatures as an act of worship towards Me. It is what I designed you to do, and it is who I’ve designed you to be. Yes, you are a creature made in My image.”

My sister bought this thinking it would be just another trinket to collect dust. Yet for me, it’s something so much more. It is a reminder. A reminder that my destiny is forged in eternity, where my purpose—the deep hunger of my soul—will be fulfilled in God’s eternal and wonderful Kingdom! A divine dance in a restored universe.

College has been going well. Right now I am relaxing at the computer (obviously), talking to some friends and pondering how I will spend the next few hours of my night. Today our R.A. Trevor spoke at Family, an optional chapel-event, and he spoke on human suffering, the grieving process, and how we throw our questions to God in despair. His words were underscored by the viciousness of Katrina and the millions of lives harmed, whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. It is in this time of grieving that we must look not to ourselves but raise our eyes to the Heavens, cry out for God, and throw all our trust on Him. He spun the universe; He can simply take care of us. And we must continually be aware that the way He views life and its beauty is much different than the way we view it. Perhaps in the midst of Katrina we see only destruction and despair, but He sees hope and beauty? Keep all the victims of Katrina in your prayers and may the peace of Christ go with you.

Follow the lives of three characters who are caught up in a brutal war on an unforgiving frontier. Antonius, the great warrior whose heart bleeds for Rome, the great leader who is betrayed and forsaken, the great man who may be Rome’s only hope. Celesta, widowed by the actions of a cut-throat, tormented by prophetic nightmares and left to know only tears and sorrow. Marcellus, the one chosen by the gods to bring justice upon the barbarians, to pay back cruelty with cruelty, and to unleash the wrath of the god of Mars.

It might have taken a while, but it all came out beautiful in the end. This piece of work, perhaps my grandest in scope and character development, didn't come without pain. More than once I wanted to trash the work, thinking I'd never get it done. Yet every time I decided I wasn't going to continue working on it, I began playing little scenes in my head and always found myself coming back to the laptop, staring at the screen with my fingers dancing over the keyboard. This is certainly my longest work as well; 36 Hours topped off at around 180 pages. I breached two hundred pages with this beautiful creation. And working in 10-point font, that's quite a feat. I did the math and found its equivalence page-wise with the standard trade paperback is 375-430 pages. So you can see why I am excited. It's simply a huge piece of work and I think it's beautiful all throughout.

The story takes place in ancient Rome and ancient Gaul, following three characters as they live their lives and intersect with one other. It's influenced by several movies I've seen and books I've read (all writers have their influences), but I've managed--just like 36 Hours--to keep it unique and original. The ending especially leaves room for a sequel. If I had to put it into a category, it'd be an ecclectic mix of drama, action and romance: the three essential ingredients for any epic.

Yet with any major accomplishment, there are always regrets. One of the greatest regrets I have is not doing enough research on the time period. My research was extensive for the Roman military machine, yet I did not tackle the culture of Rome as well as I should, and this renders its historical liability virtually useless. I also created a war that, for all my knowledge, didn't really exist (not until later, at least). So this work isn't historical fiction, it's epic fantasy. I would like to write another story set in the ancient world (perhaps Greece?), but I will wait a while and be sure to study up on everything, culture and warfare, so it is historical fiction.

I am a writer at heart, and I cannot simply be content to stop now and call it quits. My hope is that The Sons of Mars is a stepping-stone to even greater-quality works. As of now I already have two chapters done in a story about the end of the world... Except it happens in a way no one has ever imagined. I am also contemplating writing a romance. I have some good material for it, I simply need a good plot line. A dark and depressing romance. It's the way I like to work. I am hoping this eventual romance will pave the road to better dialogue--every time I read Mike's excerpts, I am filled with envy for his skill with communication! I am also writing a series of spiritual works and wish to eventually form a book of my short spiritual writings.

If you'd like to read an excerpt of this story, download it for free, or buy it in paperback, just go here. The publishing house also has some of my other writings for free download or purchase. My hope is this doesn't sound like a sales pitch. I actually make zero royalty off my books. I am simply extremely excited!

This movie has become a legend here on campus. At least on my dorm floor. We quote it every fifteen seconds and just burst into laughter thinking about its comical moments. Oddly enough, this movie is beloved on a Christian college. This movie has been hailed as obscene, rude, prejudiced, judging, stereotypical, the works. And it is. But it's also, as a friend of mine pointed out, so true. One of the reasons I love it is because of the beautiful message woven just beneath the surface (and the fact that Jena Malone is really cute... yeah, she's the one with the devil horns).

The movie takes place in an extremely stereotypical, mainstream American Christian high school. The students are encouraged to be "warriors for Jesus", the Principal is a charismatic little man who forces guilt down kids' throats and tells them to "get their Christ on." Crappy Christian bands, drive-by exorcisms, gossip prayer-groups, ostracism of society's pariahs, all of this comes into play. Yet the movie focuses its lens on Hilary Fay (Mandy Moore), whose own obsession with the "rules" of religion turns her love into duty and therefore renders her loveless. Her character reminds me of my own struggles with turning my eyes away from the laws of religion to the freedom to love found in Christ. Jesus isn't about following a new list of rules, but living in an intimate connection with God and loving everyone. Hilary Fay's love is political and religious, and love with this purpose... Is it really love at all?

Jena Malone's character is a Christian girl who was just as wrapped up in Hilary Fay's Christianity; she was "released" via her impregnation by a gay boyfriend. Her faith crumbles and she begins to ask questions and seek spiritual help. Hilary Fay turns against her in the name of Christ and dashes their friendship on the rocks because of her backsliding. How like Christ is that? I see Christ reaching out, embracing Malone's character, holding her tight, whispering in her ear: "I love you, I love you, I love you..."

Principal Skip--"get your Christ on!"--wrestles with his own demons, turning several gays away from the school dance because "it's very clear in the Bible that this is against God's holy command." So is hypocrisy, and Christ speaks out a lot more against hypocrisy than homosexuality. Malone just makes me smile when she points out that no one is perfect and we shouldn't shove everyone out. Christ would not turn his back upon the gays and tell them to leave; I believe He would invite them in, give them seats of honor, treat them to the best juice punch and apple fritters.

The message of this movie, hidden from the eyes of many? Christ isn't about giving us a new list of rules to abide by, but releases us to love God and love others, in a real and touchable way, beyond simply being cute little words. "Love God" and "Love Others" are commands, but even more, they are the attributes of those who really are disciples of Christ. If we do not love God, if we do not love others... How can we claim union with Christ, union with God?

College is a lot of fun and it gets better and better. I am really excited to be on my way to becoming a youth minister, and I'm excited about serving God somewhere by taking His message to kids who desperately want--and need--to hear it. Yet in all the excitement and enjoyment of college, through all the papers and writing assignments and chapters I am forced to read in two-hour blocks, through the trips to the coffee shops and making new friends left and right, there's still time to miss what--and who--you've left behind.

I am beginning to miss my friends who I won't see for quite a long time, friends who have journeyed out-of-state or up-north in their "academic pursuits." Angie, Shelby, Kristen, Dylan and Tyler; I won't see most of them for several months, though I occasionally talk to them online. Dylan and I have still been keeping a pretty tight friendship. I don't miss my friends back home so much (because I see them every weekend anyways), but I am missing my parents. Not missing them breathing down my neck about stuff, but missing their company. I really love them. And I know you're going to read this, Mother, so I hope you smile :). You'll probably end up calling sometime today, anyways.

But who do I miss most? Amazingly, Doogie. I miss his furry little touch, the way those depressed eyes search my soul, the charming rhythms of his ghostly pant, the way my heart flutters when he lies beside me in my bed at night.

That's just wrong.

No, who I miss the most is my little sister. Some people would think that's crazy. Aren't we supposed to be at odds with our siblings? While that may be the case for some people, I find myself blessed with a crazy-cool little sister whom I admire so very much. She has been my best friend for an eternity; when it might take me some nerve to talk to even a close friend about something, I can just bare my soul to her and know she won't color up her words. If I'm an idiot, she'll make it known. If I'm pathetic, she won't hold back. And she does so with hugs and excitement written all over her face.

Saturday we went out to eat and saw a movie together. It was such a fun time, funner than hanging out with my friends is a lot of the time. When she calls me from home to talk about big things going on, I find smiles dancing all over my face. Two Mondays ago I was excited to hear how her first day of school went and I prayed so much that it would go well (she tells me this is her best year so far! YES!).

I am so thankful God has put her in my life; I enjoy throwing my feeble wisdom at her, but in all of that what I enjoy most is just spending time with her. I can vividly remember the night I tucked her in bed and told her a story. It was the dumbest and most pathetic time ever but it rocked. I think I annoyed her but she was laughing so hard I don't really know. So I'm excited about seeing her on Sunday, and happy we keep up correspondances through myspace and email.

Little sister, I love you more than you know!!!