The Prologue to my Romantic Tragedy

By the time you read this, I will be gone.

To be completely transparent, I am left empty of words to write down. It is funny, because when I sat down with pen and paper, the words seemed to be black-and-white, ready to be dredged from the back of my mind and placed on paper in perfect order. But when I sat down, none of those ‘black-and-white’ words came to me. And this is where I am now. So many thoughts are coming, so many untouchable images that words fail to describe, are trying to find their way onto this notebook paper. It’s ironic. Finally I can force someone to hear my story, to see it from my angle, but the way I tell it in my head is impossible for me to translate onto paper. Emotions, memories, feelings, hopes, dreams, despairs and fears guide the story within, and how can I accurately tell you what this brew of voiceless thoughts describes? Quite simply, I can’t.

You know what happened. You were there all along. My goal is not to simply tell you what happened. I hope this does so much more than that. I am hoping this is a window into my soul. Although you witnessed those things I am going to describe, although you saw it with your eyes, you were denied its true power and experience, simply because you aren’t me. I want to show you what happened, not just from my eyes but from my heart, the wellspring of life. I want to show you this so you can, if possible, see the entire picture… and maybe even understand.

Please. Don’t judge me.

I feel I have no other choice.

And maybe, when you finish this, you’ll agree.

So I am going to turn the page and start telling my story. I’m certainly no expert storyteller, so I will just try to tell this story as best I can. I don’t think I’ll change my mind.

I’ve already bought the pills.