The past several weeks have been some of the most confusing, heartbreaking, and chaotic weeks of my life. In one day and one day alone, literally everything in my life began falling apart.

Relationships have broken. Friendships have been stretched. My emotions have hit every polar opposite possible.

The confusion has torn me, broken me, shattered me. The chaos has wrenched my heart and my very soul. Countless times I have found myself before the throne of God, lying on my face and gushing tears of emotional distress.

"God, where are You?"

"God, when will You come to me?"

And in the darkest moments, "God... I cry out to You day and night. My pillow is stained with tears. My limbs shake in emotional exhaustion. I have sought Your face, but You seem nowhere to be found! Why have You hidden Yourself from me?"

In this time of brokenness, I have felt my faith tested. "Do I believe in God's goodness?" Yes, even if at times it seems questionable. "Do I believe in God's love for me?" Yes, even if at times it seems to be quite the opposite. "Do I believe in God's desire for me to be happy?" Yes, even if at times it seems like He is just out to make my life a living hell.

In these moments, I have felt like the great weeping prophet, Jeremiah.

Even in my distress, God makes His voice heard. In the moments of sheer exhaustion, He comes and comforts me. When I find myself on my knees, tears rising up in my throat, God speaks to me.

He convicts me. He shows me that I have not been living as He desires me to live. I have been living a life of unrepentance. Over and over He has convicted me to repent of two certain aspects of my life, and though I have tried, I have not. "Trying is not enough," God says. "I have a beautiful plan for your life, Anthony, but until you surrender yourself to Me, you will only continue to destroy yourself and completely miss out on what I have for you."

So I bow down, and with tears of pain and shame, I confess to the sins of which I have not repented, and I commit myself to Him again. "I have abandoned You, my God. I confess my sins before You, and I abandon them. I embrace You, God, and the plan You have for my life. I give You my heart, my life, my self, my all... I am Yours. Show me Your ways, so that I may abide in them. Show me Your paths, so that I may walk them."