While I am in no way Calvinistic, I do tend to try to find the rhythm and rhyme to certain big events that happen in my life.

When Julie broke up with me, I was a mess. A hurricane of emotions overcame me: anger, frustration, sorrow, hopelessness. I looked inward at myself and tried to find out what I did wrong, how I had treated her wrongly, how I had failed at being a good boyfriend. I constantly asked her, bathing in (false) guilt, "Did I treat you like a princess?" "Yes," she said. "You treated me right. You were a great boyfriend."

So why did this happen?

I started looking outwards. I looked at God and wondered, "Did You do this to me? Did You bring this suffering upon me?" I thought of two scenarios that might possibly explain what happened. The first had to do with God's discipline: "You let me be with the girl of my dreams, then took her away because I was not living how You want me to live." The second had to do with an act of God's mercy: "You knew I really liked this girl, so You took her away because she is not the one whom You have for me." My father told me, "The truth is usually somewhere in the middle." So my thoughts have transformed.

Julie was not the one God has for me. He used her and the pain I experienced in the breakup to show me my need for change in certain moral areas of my life. The pain I went through is nothing I would wish upon my worst mortal enemy. Yet out of the ashes come flowers. Out of the brokenness comes completion. Out of the shadows comes light. God has shown me where change is needed. "You need to get over this stuff before I will let you two come together." Before He brings me the one He has for me, I need to break free from the moral problems in my life. Was Julie the one God had for me? NO. If she was, then following my repentance, we will be back together. But she isn't, that I am sure of, and that's quite fine. God is a God of hope, not of hopelessness. "I have someone for you," God has told me (and this isn't the time to bring your theology of God's communications with man into the picture). "But until you two are together, you need to become the man I want you to be, so you will truly be able to be the good husband and good father whom you feel called to be."

I thank God for my last relationship. It is a foretaste of what the future holds with a different girl. I thank God that He had the balls to hurt me so that I could become a better person for Him, His kingdom, and for my future wife and family. I thank God that He is full of grace, mercy, compassion, goodness, and justice. I thank God that He loves me, likes me, favors me, and really wants me to be happy. And I am thankful that I am able to still be friends with Julie, because she is an amazing girl and I value the friendship. She has helped me through a lot of my struggles and has been there for me as a good friend ought to be.