H1N1 is a pussy

The last few days have been rough for me. I seem to find myself in this predicament often, liking a girl whom I cannot have. Wanting to give the girl everything she’s always wanted but being barricaded by circumstance from stepping out and actually speaking up. “You’re torturing yourself,” Gambill told me. He’s right. But it’s just not about the girl. Really, it’s not a big deal. I’ve started my medicine again, and just in the nick of time. If I thought Thursday night was rough, Friday night even topped that. I went to a dinner party and had to leave early, because I almost broke down into tears while lying on the couch. I left the dinner party and went home, and my best friend Jessie came over, and she made me feel better. My friend Jobst came by, too. Saturday was a better day: I went down to the horse track in Lexington to celebrate my cousins’ engagements. Both Jesse and Jared are engaged to two girls, Mandy and Ashley. It was cold, my toes were numb, but they had delicious steaming chili, and my uncle made Irish coffee with homemade whipped cream and cinnamon, and that helped. Sunday was a bad day, but only towards the end. I went up to Wilmington with Sarah and Amanda; Sarah’s aunt and uncle live up there, have a giant house, it’s like a mansion. Depression overcame me once night fell, and on the car ride home I was quiet and praying and fighting off tears. These cycles suck. But yesterday was better, and I’m hoping today will be better, too.

Amanda is sick. I hope it’s not H1N1. If it is, then Sarah and I will get it soon. I know tons of people who have come down with it, entire families getting sick. I don’t know anyone who’s died of it. Everyone’s making it out to be the next bubonic plague or Spanish flu, but seriously, come on. In the long scheme of things, H1N1 is a pussy. It would just suck to have it because 1. I would be sick, and 2. I’d miss school and work. I’m graduating in December, so I can’t miss much class.

I have been eating a lot better and exercising daily. I want to lose about fifty pounds. That would put me around one hundred forty pounds (190 right now, give or take). At the rate I’m going, by May I should have reached beyond that goal. We’ll see.