Also my 2-year anniversary at Tazza Mia.
I was going to celebrate at work, but I forgot.
Besides: is "celebrate" the right word?
My goal is to quit smoking by the end of June. I've tried quitting cold turkey like five times this month, and I've done well but then crashed and burned. Relapses are part of quitting. A website I've been perusing on quitting smoking, becomeanex.org, is full of valuable tips and tricks to make it work. They recommend "weaning," though a different sort than most: rather than go from, say, ten cigarettes a day to eight, then to five, and so on and so forth, their "weaning" involves allowing yourself a cigarette but only about ten minutes after the craving. This way I can get used to saying "No" to the cigarette; also, I've stopped smoking altogether when it comes to my biggest trigger: driving and at work. For the second I do allow myself a cigarette on my break, but I've cut out the "fives" I take during our morning lulls. So far things are going well, and I'm pretty optimistic: this weaning has showed me that I can indeed quit smoking and overcome my triggers. It's exciting.
When Rob was at the house last night, I did something ridiculous and he told me, "I'm pretty sure that you know what you're doing when you're being ridiculous. I think you know it's funny, so you do it." It's nice that someone gets it: I'm not actually an idiot, I just really enjoy acting like one. It's fun. I value humor, and I like injecting humor in peoples' lives. I like it when people laugh and smile. I like knowing I caused someone's brain to release endorphins. It's weird, I know. Sometimes my jokes can be quite convincing, to the point that even close friends can't tell the difference, but the truth, guys, is that I'm actually pretty smart. Being misunderstood at times is worth the joy of bringing people laughter, so even if people think I'm an idiot, well, I'm okay with that.
I'll close with a quote from Dexter: "We only know two things about people: what we want to see and what they want to show us."
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