I'm sitting at The Anchor waiting for Jobst to show up. We're going to smoke pipes and catch up on life. And we'll be drinking coffee, too, of course.
These past several days have been pretty rough for some of my closest friends. Jim died of cancer this past Wednesday night. I haven't seen John or Brandy since, everything's turned into a whirlwind for them, all the preparations, the funeral. Tiffany told me the death of a parent doesn't sink in until all the rites are over. That's when you really feel the loss. My heart and prayers go out to them. The funeral's tomorrow; Amos and I are making it a priority not just to show our support but to honor Jim. I only met him a few times, but his Fun Friday Facts were always a highlight of my Friday morning post-patio smoke breaks. And we shared a few talks about ancient Mayan and Aztec history. He was cool as you-know-what.
There's an old couple in the booth across from me.
The man clutched his cup, took a sip, and moaned.
"This is the best coffee in the city," he said.
His wife just shook his head.
"Americans are dumb when it comes to coffee," A Scotsman told me the other day.
He's right. The Anchor does NOT have good coffee.
I read a great blog article this afternoon, written by a former classmate. The article's HERE. He had lots of really good points, about how we're so keen on finding our "soul mate" that we don't invest our lives into someone until that person meets all our checkered requirements. Our demands for a potential marriage partner are bred in fantasy-land and ignore the fact that we're all messed up, fallen human beings, and waiting for Prince Charming or the Perfect Man will leave you waiting a long time. These checklists often leave no room for imperfection: "Well, she's not as [insert quality here] as I want her to be, so she can't be the person God has for me, because whoever God has for me will be PERFECT for me." When it comes to relationships, such thinking is self-sabotage: we sever the possibility of investment and connection because of how the person doesn't "live up" in some regards, and we use every possible transgression from our Soul Mate requirements to disengage. We treat breach of preference as Red Flags and overlook all the great qualities in a person for their less-than-great qualities. He makes his points better than I do, so read the article; but here's a great quip of his to close out this mediocre quip of mine: the biblical marriage, he says, "paints a portrait of two sinners, committing to the task of one another, for the sake of one another, until death do them part. It's two imperfect people, committing to the sanctifying work of expressing Jesus' self-sacrificial love, to their lover, so that they might see him or her become the person God has always intended them to be, knowing full well that neither of them have yet to reach this goal."
If someone wants to measure my value and potential off my imperfections, I'll pass on that.
I don't glory in my imperfections, and I don't expect the woman I end up with to be perfect.
For all my flaws and shortcomings, I know I'll be a good husband and a good father.
I know this in the deepest part of my being. It's in my wiring.
And if someone chooses not to see that for any little reason, that's not on me.
I'll move on, I'll find someone else, I'll be the person whom God wants me to be.
The kind of marriage my old classmate writes about, that's the one I want. As much as I have a lofty view of marriage, I know mistakes will be made by both of us. At times we'll both be tempted to think that maybe we married the wrong person. But what matters in the end is persistent love and devotion, of sacrifice and selflessness, of sharing in life and growing together. If a woman wants me to be all grown up before making any sort of investment, she'll have to wait a long while. I'm far from perfect, very far from it, but I'm trying, and I'm growing. If someone wants a perfect marriage, they'll have to look elsewhere. But if they want someone loyal, faithful, devoted, open, and eager to share life together, I'll give them my number.
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