not my responsibility

One of my dearest friends reminds me of that verse in Proverbs that speaks of a dog returning to its own vomit just as a fool returns to his own folly. She consistently returns to her "old" habits of living, the manner of which is not really appropriate to write here. I have, along with others, repeatedly warned her of the obvious dangers of this kind of lifestyle, and despite the effects it's already produced in her life, she continues to plunge into it headfirst. There are times when she gets bitch-slapped in reality and then tiptoes into repentance, but then she just turns around and gets right back to it. The same conversations, over and over, are very wearying. Maybe this is bad, but I'm to the point where I don't have the energy to talk to her about it, to encourage her, to rebuke her, to convict her. In her heart this is what she wants, and nothing that I (or anyone) says will change that. She knows what she's doing is foolish, but she does it anyways. My only response is to pray for her now, pray that God will convict her, encourage her, even break her (if that is what it takes) so that she will experience the granting of repentance. Perhaps that is all I can do for her, and perhaps that is all that we as ambassadors of Christ can do at times: having spoken the words of truth, it is not our job to make change happen. This is all very cliche but also very wise. Maybe I should take the route Jesus recommends: talk to her face-to-face, then talk to her face-to-face with some other people, and then just let her do her own thing. There's no point in being consumed by this. It's her life, after all, and not mine. My responsibility does not lie with her choices and decisions. It lies with mine. The direction of her life is not on my shoulders; but what's on my shoulders is my own life and my own decisions.

"The Challenge of Jesus"

After several weeks of reading and pondering and note-taking, I've finally finished N.T. Wright's "The Challenge of Jesus." The book comes from the Third Quest for the Historical Jesus, and Wright is remarkable in the sense that he is one of the few historians and scholars who really probes into Jesus and the early church historically while remaining staunchly conservative. Most scholars on the hunt for "the historical Jesus" are what one would call liberal; one of the biggest men of the movement, Dominic Crossan, states that Jesus was probably left on the cross and devoured by wild dogs. Crossan has a lot to say about the nature of ancient Judaism and all that, but where he fails, Wright delivers. I'm not just saying this because (1) I'm a Christian and (2) I am a conservative rather than liberal Christian. I say it because Wright wrestles with the information and with history and is honest about areas of ambiguity and doesn't call down fire and brimstone upon his opponents. He is a great historian and he backs up his material very well.

Wright paints a portrait of Jesus that is most often lost in current evangelicalism. He spends a considerable amount of time in the book examining the state of Israel in Jesus' day, paying specific attention to the religious-cultural atmosphere, the adamant hoping and praying of the Jews for "The Day of YHWH": when YHWH would return to Zion, to judge and to save, vindicating Israel and judging the pagan beasts of Daniel 7. Within this framework, Wright shows how Jesus is Messiah and how he accomplishes what the Jews were hoping for, though in a way they didn't quite expect (most of the book focuses on Jesus' "earthly ministry"--that of a prophet announcing the kingdom of God and denouncing Israel for her failure to embody the light of the world--and Wright doesn't spend much time elaborating on the eschatological ramifications of the cross; his book "Paul in Fresh Perspectives" does this). The majority of the book, with this as the backdrop, is about Jesus' proposing a modus vivendi (a new way of living), his condemnation upon the Temple, and upon his prophetic and dire warnings regarding the future fall of Jerusalem if the Jews failed to repent (i.e. turn from ways of violence to ways of peace; instead of being zealots, embracing the call of Jesus to be sufferers and healers; this is what is found in The Sermon on the Mount]). He also writes a lot about how Israel is redefined Jesus, and while he doesn't explicitly deal with the topic, he hints at how the church is the New Israel, fulfilling the vocation of Israel in Christ. Also, he looks at how "salvation is of the Jews" and what this means. The last three chapters deal with the resurrection of Christ (he argues for its historicity via the emergence of the early church, and his argument goes deeper than what you find in most Christian apologetics) and how that is the backbone, the foundation, and the modus operandi of the new children of God relocated in Christ. He says a lot about the Christian vocation, and I'll add a quote from him here in the next week or two.

Overall, it's a very complicated book, and it took me a while to read through it. The brief summary I gave above doesn't do justice. I could go chapter-by-chapter illuminating some of the things Wright says, but I don't really feel like doing it because I'm lazy. I'm already into the second chapter of "Paul in Fresh Perspective" and am enjoying it immensely (despite having read it two or three times before). My journey into the world and writings of N.T. Wright continues full-steam ahead.

a good evening

After work Tyler came over, and we went to Dorothy Lane Market for dinner. We both got a salad and a roll, and I we split some fresh spring rolls. On our way out I grabbed a delicious Belgian beer and we sat on the front porch and I drank my beer and we smoked cigarettes. Tomorrow he is joining Patrick and I for a bonfire and to play some guitar. I'm pretty excited about that. I work 5-1:30 and afterward plan on hitting the gym for a little while. It's been far, far too long since I've done any cardiovascular work. I've been growing weak in my resolve for weight-loss, having stopped losing weight at 50#. I am naturally short and stocky, and I'll always have pudge to me (my father runs marathons every week and placed well in the Iron Man and eats like a peasant, and he still has a belly). Yet I know that I can still become skinner, I can still lose weight. I don't want to become anorexic by any means, and while I'm content with where I'm at, I'm also--strangely enough--not content to remain this way. Weigh-in today was at 150#, and I was at 145# a week ago. Hopefully by Nate and Kirby's wedding, I'll be down to 145# or below. I just can't seem to move below 145-150#, though honestly that is my fault--being lazy and overeating. I need to stop eating out, return to my staple diet of eggs and toast and vegetables and grilled chicken.

Wednesday I am going to a sushi buffet with Mandy and possibly Ams and Jessie. I'm really excited about it. I've went there once before and really enjoyed it.

Here's a picture taken outside D.L.M., which is one of my friends and mine's favorite places to eat (it's a grocery store, but their prepared food is phenomenal):

the dayton days (23)

Tyler & Dewenter

Mom's Birthday. Faith & I talked till about 3:30 AM, and she was awake when I left for work at 5:15 so we talked then, too. I hate not knowing if a person likes me, so I asked her, and she said, "Yes." She's a romantic who enjoys cuddling, which I'm all about. We're going to hang out Wednesday. After work I slept till about 5:00, and Dylan & Tyler came over. We grabbed dinner at Skyline Chili (I love their Greek wrap) and played Mario-Kart and went to Starbucks. Chris, Lee, and Andrea were there. We shared lots of laughs.

Tuesday. Faith called me around 11:00 PM last night, and we talked till about 3:30. She was at the hospital yesterday for blood-work, was lying in bed and wishing I was there. I worked 7-2:30 with Forrest, Wade, J.J., Tony, and Jessica. Jessica has been promoted to shift, which is exciting. After work I drove down to Tri-County Chic-fil-a and visited Ams, and then I went to her apartment on Rosemont and saw Sarah and got boxes and took them to Faith's apartment to help her and her mom box up their apartment (they're moving). So I met Faith tonight. She's very cute and shy. We got dinner at McDonald's and then parked at a church and cuddled and talked. I got home around 2:30 AM.

Wednesday. So tired this morning. I worked 6-2:00 with Tony, Suzan, Wade, and Jessica. I went down to Springdale to see Faith. We cuddled at Glenwood Gardens and got dinner at Perkins. She's a great girl, but there's not really any connection, even though she's wildly crazy about me. We'll see how things go, I guess?

Thursday. I worked 7-4:00. I went to the bank and to the gas station and took a nap. Dylan & Tyler came over. We had Chipotle for dinner, ice cream from D.Q., and watched "Burn After Reading." Weird movie. I don't think things are going to work out with Faith, and I feel bad for it, but Asenath says I shouldn't. "It happens. It's not evil. It's just life. Yes, she'll be hurt. But she'll be okay. You've only been talking for two weeks. People usually 'talk' a lot and then part ways, and usually someone's hurt. It's just how it is."

Friday. I slept ten hours and it was GREAT. When Dad got home from work, we went down to Mt. Stirling, Kentucky. On the way down I got a flat tire, and that sucked. The rehearsal for Jesse & Mandy's wedding went well, and afterwards we went to Mandy's parents' house for dinner. I called Faith and we talked for a bit.

Saturday. The wedding was good. Jesse almost passed out from heat exhaustion. Ams read 1 Corinthians 13.1-7 and I read something from Colossians. Ams said, "You should like the younger brother from Boondock Saints when you read scripture. It's so cool!" The reception ran till about 10:00. Ams & I ran by Aunt Teri's to feed Tanner, and then I took Ams back to her apartment in Cincinnati and I headed home. 

Independence Day. I slept till 10:00, got coffee at Starbucks, had tuna for lunch, and went to Barnes & Noble. I spent a considerable amount of time today in prayer, trying to figure out things with Faith. Dewenter came over for a bit, and when he left I called Faith and called things off. She wasn't happy, but I'm glad it's done. Dating sucks sometimes.

july 4th: beer and a frisbee

It's been a good July 4th weekend. Since I had the day off work, I spent most of the day off to myself, thinking and praying about a handful of things going on in my life, seeking direction. Regarding one such thing, I believe God has given me a signpost to the direction to go, for which I am thankful albeit nervous. A bunch of people invited me down to Cincinnati to watch the fireworks in Blue Ash, but I decided not to go (I'll be down Wednesday, anyways, since I have the day off), and I'm glad I didn't: I got to spend some time with my good friend Patrick, whom I hardly ever see except for Sunday mornings for about three hours. He brought over some nice beer and we sat on the front porch and drank it as the sun set and threw a frisbee back and forth and laughed about the strange events that transpired during his weekend. Tomorrow I am working 6:30-3:00, and Tuesday I work till 1:30, I believe. Tuesday night I am having some people over for a bonfire, and Wednesday I am going down to Cincinnati (Mandy wants to take me out to The Anchor, an antique haunt of mine), and then this weekend I'll just be working my tail off. It's already July, obviously (being the 4th and all), but I won't have my monthly weigh-in till the end of the week. I ate like a pig and didn't exercise all weekend, and I want to work it off before I take the picture. Last weigh-in was at 145#--fifty pounds lost total--but I'm sure it's up to about 150# now thanks to the wedding festivities (which were well worth it).

from mt. sterling

Two hours until the wedding and I'm sitting in the hotel room with nothing to do. I keep looking back at the bed and may take a nap because I'll be up pretty late tonight, I imagine. On the way down here yesterday, I got a flat tire and had to pull off the highway and throw on a spare, and today I bought a new one--way too expensive. Yesterday evening we did the rehearsal--I'm reading something from St. Paul's Epistle to the Colossians, and Amanda is reading the all-too-common 1 Corinthians 13. After the rehearsal we went to Mandy's parents' house and had a delicious dinner and fireworks and a chocolate fountain with graham crackers and peanut butter rice krispie treats (nothing better, I tell you). The wedding starts at 6:30, but Ams and I have to be there at 5:00, and then after the wedding is the reception. I may be heading back tonight, taking Amanda back to her place (she doesn't have a car) and then heading back up to Dayton. I prefer sleeping in my own bed. If that's the case, I won't be getting home till 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning, but I'm all right with that.

Okay, just figured I'd give an update, even though no one reads this blog.
Now I'm going to go try and take a nap.
Or finish reading "The Challenge of Jesus".
But, honestly, I'm just going to take a nap.

a wedding is here

The seven-day stretch at work is over, and now I'm gearing up for a weekend in Kentucky. Jared and Ashley were married in May, and this weekend Jesse and Mandy are getting married in Mount Sterling, Kentucky. Mom and Amanda are already down there, from what I've gathered; we've got a hotel room near the church. Tonight is the rehearsal dinner at Mandy's parents' house, and tomorrow is the Big Day. I'm doing something in the wedding, reading something I believe, though I'm not sure what, exactly, I'm reading. My best guess is 1 Cor 13, the treatise on love (though in all honesty, what St. Paul writes about and how it functions in modern thought are wholly different). Sunday I'll be heading back to Dayton, and I may be stopping in Cincinnati to see some people, but I'm not really sure. It's all up in the air right now. Once Monday comes, another work week begins, day-after-day of morning shifts.

I slept nine hours last night, which is actually more sleep than I've had for the last four or five days prior. Late nights and early mornings are not conducive to much sleep. But it's been worth it: I've been hanging out with a pretty fantastic girl, and now is the time to figure out where to go from here. I'm doing a lot of praying and meditating, seeking God's guidance in the whole ordeal. For the first time I am operating not just off my own whims and desires but seeking what God wants me to do. In reality, God may not care; but if He does, I'm going to try to sap that for all it's worth.

My trip to Wisconsin in August has fallen through. My student loans are due and I am literally running on fumes financially. I can hardly afford gas. It really sucks. I'm still taking the week off, though I'll probably just remain here in southern Dayton, doing nothing whatsoever. That's what vacations are for, right?