the simple life and the 18th Century

Lately I have really been seeking a simple life. The simple life has been a big thing with me over the last year or two, perforating much of my life. Today in sociology class I was flipping through a National Geographic I saw a picture of an African village: some herding pens, dusty crops, some chicken coops, and a few huts scattered about. I actually would like to live there.

Most people don't know it, but one of my favorite vacations was a trip through the Smokey Mountains, looking at old 1700 buildings up in the woods. I would love that so much! Working the land for a living, working around the house, going to sleep at night in the middle of nowhere. I specifically remember this house beside a stream, and I imagined waking up, going outside, and sitting by the stream and reading. There was an overgrown field in front of the house facing a majestic mountain. What a view! Living there would be so much more enjoyable in this hurried and busy and driving world we live in: waking, working, eating, working, relaxing, sleeping, day after day, working to live and not worrying about all this crap we have to worry about (school, deadlines, business plans, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense...). Also on the trip we visited an old 18th Century church (that's the 1700s, folks); I just imagined traveling to church through the woods, under the sun, and worshipping God in that small shack of a building, hearing messages, and just enjoying life with others.

I know I sound like a fool, maybe, but it's true. I think I was made for the 18th Century. Life would be so much better there. The simple life is what I want. I think the simple societies around the world are closer to God than we are: intense family values, work for your food, worship God, the Maker and Creator. I just wish I were there, not here, in a world driven by success, success, success!; a world driven by money, money, money!; a world driven by hurry, hurry, hurry!; a culture of 9-5 and eat yourself mad trying to succeed. Gosh.

Tonight we discussed the characteristics of God, and then we bowed down before the throne for several minutes of intense worship. One of the songs Lee and Pat led us forward on was, "Better is one day." After we finished the song, I said,

We've worshipped to "Better is One Day" three times in the last two days, including Sunday morning gathering and Student Revolution. Through each song, the words, "Better is one day in your courts..." have rang out with me. I used to imagine a courtroom with a big gavel and judgment, and then I'd think to myself, I don't like this song at all. Yet over the past few months, many friends and I have had discussions - sometimes very lengthy - and participated in lessons that revolve around the idea of Heaven not as a church service in the sky, but a paradise that is unlike anything we can imagine or hope for! How much better it really would be to spend just ONE DAY in that paradise. David Crowder's words instill hope and excitement within me in his song, Make a Joyful Noise/I will not be silent: "Running through the forest, dive into the lake, bare feet on beaches white; standing in the canyon, painted hills around, the wind against my skin..." I believe this is an extremely accurate portrayal of the paradise we will live in, and yet I must admit that I cannot even fathom it. How much better ONE DAY in that paradise would be than even a thousand, a million, as many days as there are stars, to spend here! The song continues to say, "One thing I ask and I would seek, to see your beauty... To find you in the place your glory dwells..." I don't think God will show us paradise before our time has come - to me, it's like spoiling a Christmas gift we can hardly imagine. I'm sure God will love the unparalleled smiles and excitement running through us when we first step into this new, renovated world known as paradise. One day, perhaps soon, perhaps later, I will find God in the place his glory dwells.

Jeff told us all there, on Sunday and even tonight, that he hoped the His Times of C.I.Y. would be found in these small groups. He had to leave for a worship team meeting, but had he stayed, I believe he would've been blown away. The worship was radiant. God saturated the atmosphere. He would go to sleep a very happy and joyful man :-). And so shall I.

It is tough getting used to these contacts. It feels like a new pair of glasses, except without the... glasses. It's really strange. My eyesight is so clear it almost feels like it's too sharp. I remember this feeling when I first got glasses, constantly worried that the prescription was wrong. It will take me some time to adjust to the contacts. I should wear them through the rest of the day. Didn't wear them to school.

Lee, Chris, Pat D. and I are going to go out for coffee later, then we're all hanging out at the Williams' house for the kick-off Sr. High Co-Ed Tuesday small group. We're going to be talking about, Who is God, and it's some really neat stuff. Lots better than 40 days of community, I must say. Hopefully these small groups go better. I have taken advice from mentors, friends, and various oozers (www.theooze.com) with some tips on how to get more creative, get the kids involved, and explore God together.

We'll see how it goes!

412 2005

Student Revolution was beautiful tonight. Lots of laugh, engaging worship, and Jeff finally spilt the news about 412's future. It is set up like a circuit. Each month, on each Sunday, once a week, there are four gatherings for all those who call 412 home - and those who do not! The first week is Base Camp - having fun, laughing a lot, boozing it up on your own jokes. Just having a good time and getting to know everyone; the first one is make some pizza and watch the superbowl! The second week is Adrenalin - for those who like sports, there's hiking, basketball, football (paintball would be nice this summer, Jeff!!!) and what-not; for those who aren't the sporty types (like me), you can join together and start brainstorming ideas for K2 (there in a sec!). The third week is expedition; it is like a journey to get to know each other and just 'move out.' Go see a movie, go to a soup kitchen, what-have-you. I really like the soup kitchen thing. Ever since Crank's Creek, the whole missions field is like another world to explore! Finally, the fourth week, is K2 - hardcore worship. Worshipping God not just by music, but through other means as well. That's what I am most excited about. I think lots of good things will come out of it and believe Jeff and the sponsors' time has been well-spent (over 100 hours, Jeff told me) in getting this thing on wheels and rolling.

In other news, my day was spent at China Garden with friends (Hank, Ash, Lee, Pat, Chris, Ams, Bryon) and then Pat and Ash and Ams slept at home, Bryon came over and we hung out for a little while (let him fix my internet, it wasn't working, paid him $5). We set-up at Student Rev, spent lots of time laughing and pulling off incredible dance moves, and we're all ready to start the circuit and suit up for the small groups - or 'house churches' as I like to call them - breaking water this week (Jeff and I are teaming up on Tuesdays, Mindy and Shelby on Wednesdays, and Ron and Aisa on Wednesdays, too [Jr. High]).

I know there have been times when it has seemed that I am really frustrated with 412 and on the verge of ducking out. Not in my defense, but in 412's, I declare to you as I have declared to so many other people, 412 is my home and I love it to death. Nothing but death or moving could cut me away from it. 412 is one of the greatest spiritual things that has ever happened to me.

seeking a more spiritual existence

My friends and I sit down for coffee at Sips Cafe, or gather around the lunch table, or in our everyday conversation as we eat hot dogs and chili, and sometimes the conversation turns towards the spiritual side of life. The cry is the same. I don't think it's changed. I've never heard, "I don't want to know God more... I don't want to experience God... I don't want to grow deeper in my faith." No, what I hear from teenage kids is, "I want to experience God like the apostles experienced Him... I want to know God to the point where I feel His presence everywhere I go and in everything I do... I want to just grow so close to God that I can hear His voice..." These are the passionate cries of a generation craving for something the 'natural' and 'enlightened' world fails to offer.

It is in times like these that we tend to blame society for problems - even spiritual problems. As we sit around Sips Cafe, we talk about how 412 should do some more spiritual stuff, how it's all fun and games. I think we were steaming. Because when we look back, we see that 412 is so insanely spiritual: even more so spiritual than most church youth groups around Springboro. It is postmodern hardcore. Intense worship, engaging messages, times of scripture reading, desert prayer, and contemplative meditation are easy to find. I think those 'parental units' who say that we teenagers have no substance of ownership might be swinging something good on the ballfield. It is times like these, looking back and slapping myself in the face, that I see my own 'cleverness' tumbled, and am convicted.

Why do we turn against those societies, those communities that lead us like a horse to water in the spiritual oasis? I think it is because we start to believe that it is the church's job to provide us with the spiritual stamina to discover this radical faith, this conversational relationship with God, this experience. So when we're engaged in the spiritual community, things are going great; but when things - dare they? - slow down, we find ourselves parched and stumbling on bony beaches. If it weren't four our own blindness, we'd see the oasis at our feet.

When we make the brutal mistake of turning the church into the sole provider of spiritual chow, we end up dying of starvation if we ever get cut off. When things bunker down, we start saying, "What's going on?" It's because we don't realize that the church doesn't exist for ALL of our spiritual formation. Sure, it plays a very important role, but it's not the all and end all. Spirituality is a very personal and individual thing, just as it is social. So how can we pretend to spiritually exist well when all we have is the social side?

As a friend pointed out, "What are all those complaining people doing to help grow deeper into God on their own time?" The sad truth, and I know this from my own experience, is that we teenagers most often do (gulp: are you ready?) - nothing. We spend our time griping about how the church doesn't fill all our own needs and yet refuse to take a step forward on our own time to even raise an eyebrow towards fulfilling those needs. I have been convicted tonight: and I hope that all of those who make the cry, "My church/youth group/small group/house church needs to be more spiritual," maybe should look at their own lives and say: "So what am I doing to further my faith outside the church?"

The church doesn't exist as the building block of our faith. It is not the rock of the foundation. The rock is Jesus (how corny does that sound? very, I know). I say this because so often we make it the foundation of our spiritual existence when it really isn't. Church is one aspect of our spiritual lives, just as hydrogen is one aspect of water. It's important, but without oxygen, you're just breathing - not drinking. Without practicing spiritual disciplines, without pursuing God on our own time and in our own energies, we can only breathe the spirituality - and miss out on the "living water" Jesus offers.

I think this best explains my emotions right now.

My friends and I sat downstairs and watched the big screen. The show was about an American subculture where people modify their bodies with tatoos, piercings, burnings, whatever. From what I saw, it seemed to be pretty spiritual, just not the "Christian" spiritual most of my fellow readers are wrapped up in. So I was wondering, "What would it look like for Jesus to enter that community?"

Some would say that the tatoos, burnings, piercings would stop because Jesus was there.

I don't think so.

I think the thing about Jesus is that he didn't come to take things away, but to add. I think this subculture would become richer with Jesus. They would express themselves, and these tatoos, burnings and piercings could become acts of worship. I know it is insane for us to think about - most of us being pretty conservative whether we like it or not :-) - but that's what I think it would look like.

Also, check out Tom's latest post. Quite nice.

Here I am again...

I have whopped out three chapters in 36 Hours. I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep softly until it's finished. I am so pathetic! I have nine more chapters to write, but that isn't all that bad. Two, I know, will be pretty short, and those will go by fast. I did finish part two of three, Omega. That's a relief. It makes me feel like I'm so much closer. I imagine I can be done tomorrow night... I have a headache and I am stressed and worn out but I must write. I hate it. I am cursed :-). So I will post later, hopefully tomorrow when all this is done.

dreams

I dream of a simple life. I want to be a youth minister, working at a small church, encouraging those 'under my wing' to become disciples of Jesus and experience the real life he offers. I want to have an awesome wife who I love more than I've loved anyone before, and who loves me more than she's loved anyone before. I want two wonderful kids, a boy and a girl. I want my relationship with my wife to be a relationship with a real person, not about all the sex and making out as most people seem to look at it. All that, I think, isn't as great as just someone to talk to, someone to live life with, someone to go on walks with, to share in a candlelit dinner, to lay in bed at night and stare at the stars and just talk about life with. I want to go to parties and barbecues and retreats with all my friends and family. I want to see my kids grow into adults and bud families of their own. I want to grow old with my wife, and spend the years after my retirement fishing, swimming, walking through the woods, watching the sunrise and sunset, enjoying each new day, each new season, fresh and alive. A simple life, a life of love and romance, a life of laughter and joy. This is the life I desire. I believe that if this were prophetic, I would die a very happy man.

I can't help but remember the words of the psalmist: "Delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

What are your dreams? It is a question we all must ask.

I picked up Chris W. at 9:05 from school and we watched Lethal Weapon 4 at my house. After enjoying wonderful gourmet Chinese at China Garden and coffee from Cafe a-go-go, we relaxed at home and watched Seinfeld episodes with Chris' bro and my friend Lee. He left for work, so I took Chris home, drove to Centerville, picked up Pat D, and we browsed 1/2 Price and Borders, watching the rain fall as we drank our coffee and root beer. Pat D. is bummed because he has school tomorrow and we do not. I just wish I didn't have to work (why did they make me work all the weekend? I was told they'd never do that! Welcome to the world of work...)

I've kind of put 36 Hours on the backburner... for now. I can't really explain it, but spending two hours a day for something only a handful of people will experience doesn't just register as worthwhile to me. If I am going to waste my time, I'd much rather waste it doing something I enjoy more, something care-free and ultimately relaxing. Writing is stressful, time-consuming, energy-consuming, thought-consuming, pretty much the most agonizing thing you'll ever experience. It's a bitter sweet hobbie, and for that reason I'm either drooling for more or pushing the plate away. Right now I am pushing the plate away.

At 1/2 Price I purchased a book called How Majestic is Thy Name; I am going to use it for my times of meditation. It is pretty much just beautiful images with scripture, magnifying the awesomeness and power of God. I have just discovered this wonderful thing called meditation; a friend brought it to my attention and it is really something wonderful to experience. I have been contemplating how to integrate meditation into the 'spiritual disciplines' of my life. A friend and I have been talking and we both feel this insane urge to just run helter-skelter after God, taking on the character of Christ, becoming godly, and living a life just consumed by the Creator. I have been conversing with a lot of people, and reading some great books (not self-help books, I hate the spiritual self-helps: they SUCK). So many things are holding me back and I just need to shove them off. I have been experiencing some bouts of depression lately, though I am fine now, and just praying to God with my whole range of human emotions - the Psalms? - has helped a great deal.

At 1/2 Price, my friends and I discovered a book called Jesus: CEO. We flipped through it and the author is saying Jesus is not so much a spiritual person, but a businessperson with the best tips and plans for a successful life and successful career. We discovered another book that took the Gospel and turned it into a four-step plan for successful living in the business world. I took both of them and slid them into an area where no one ever looks. I told them, "This is how I fight the good fight!"

My good friend Pat Dewenter and I went to a coffee shop in Centerville today. The young girl behind the counter looked familiar, and as of now I don't remember her name. She asked me, "Do you go to Springboro?" I said yes, told her she looked familiar, and then it hit me: she'd dropped out. No one ever heard from her again. She had been rumored to be messing around and kind of got the bad end of the dirty stick. As we talked I learned she didn't drop out; she had to work full-time to support herself, so she started taking online classes. She worked six hours a day, seven days a week at the coffee shop. We talked for some time, and she kept pushing deeper into conversation. I got pulled away, said, "See you later," and Pat and I drank our coffees.

Driving home in the Jeep, through the blizzard of rain, I suddenly realized how desperate she had been, and it all washed over me. It was so obvious! She was lonely and stressed; working full time, having been cut-off from her few friends at the high school (most of whom apparently turned against her), she was left alone and wigged-out, wanting just someone to like her, someone to talk with her, someone to be a friend. I wondered, "How did I miss this until it was too late?" My heart flooded - and now floods - with compassion. I just wish I could re:wind time and go back, stay at the counter, talk with her - no one else was ordering. The timing was perfect, almost pre-arranged.

It is times like these that I wish we were created with built-in systems to read other peoples' emotions. It would make things so much simpler.

So far my day has been spent talking to people online, visiting www.theooze.com, and reading the Word on the Street. I am very excited about this week. Not only do I have 3 hours of total schooltime in the next week, I don't have to get up early AT ALL, and I've been given lots of time to read and write; as I am writing, I just finished chapter 18 of 36 Hours, so only 18 to go!

This is by far the biggest piece of work I've ever set my mind down to. When I finish it, I will truly celebrate with a trip to Fudd-Ruckers or something of that holy nature. I have been in the writing process ever since April 23, 2004. I hope to finish it in under a year. My passion for it is an off-and-on kind of thing, so who knows? Sometimes I'll whop out three chapters in two days, then spend three weeks without touching it. I am so indecisive.

I have finished all the Emergent YS books Mike has let me borrowed, and am taking a break from Emergent YS for now. I have some Dallas Willard to explore, as well as my current, the Word on the Street. Check it out. It is very beautiful, and very controversial. I have also been writing, responding, conversing at The Ooze. After reading Spencer Burke's book, Making Sense of Church, I joined, and have several topics rolling. It is very cool.

Right now my heart is on the victims of the tsunami. Last night I was thinking about how I never really sat down and just prayed for all those suffering the effects of our geologically wild planet. Since I'm not really experiencing it, it doesn't really mean a lot to me. But I wondered how I would feel if Springboro, Ohio were to get flooded with forty feet of water, all of my family and friends either dead or disconnected, to hear that Christians other places weren't even praying. So I started praying. Lift them up sometime.

My eventful weekend

I spent Friday burning incense, listening to music, and contemplating life. I missed out on 412's run to see a movie, but with no dollars in my pocket, there's no way around that. So instead Ams and I went over to Ashlie's house where we watched a movie called Donnie Darko - it was really good, and for me, emotionally disturbing. I had a hard time sleeping, and Saturday I wrestled with thoughts of my own life stemming from one of the scenes.

Karen let me off work an hour early. Lee and I laughed and joked around, until Lee left with Bryon for some Chick-fil-a. I just wanted to go home and relax. Through a weird twist and turn of events, I ended up at Ashlie's again, watching Shaun of the Dead. Pretty funny stuff. I munched on some fiber popcorn and a pop-tart, my exquisite dinner. Her mom made beer bread and it tasted so good.

I experienced God during worship this morning, then my friend and I excavated some discounted China Cottage in Centerville. We built airplane and helicopter models at home, browsed 1/2 Price and Borders, and he let me have two burnt copies of Charlie Mars. Now Ams and I are about to go over to Ashlie's for another movie, Fight Club. She has a big screen, in case you were wondering.

I got off work an hour early. How cool is that? I shall be spending the rest of the night relaxing, burning incense, listening to Straylight Run, writing and watching a British comedy (Shaun of the Dead) while eating fiber popcorn (it is actually quite good). My work on 36 Hours is slow and choppy, but it's coming along. I have finished the first third of the book and am working on the second third. I have put the prologue up on the actual 36 Hours website (I really am that cool). It's really short. Give it a peek.

prologue to 36 Hours

Rumor has it an arctic blast is coming down from the northeast, and a large warm front cradled with rain is coming up from the southwest. When the two collide, they are to stall above Springboro, and either we get drenched in massive flooding rains, or 30 inches of snow. Hasn't the weather been crazy lately? First the blizzard that topped records for December, then a tsunami taking 140,000 lives (that really sucks), lots of flooding to the north, where they lost electricity, and now we might be getting an even bigger blizzard.

If I were one of those End-Times junkies I'd be screaming, "Repent and be baptized!"

But I'm not. This is just interesting.

School is back and it isn't very fun. It is torture to have to sit through all those classes (especially Algebra). I waste my time contemplating the mundane and so I find it difficult to score well on tests. I don't know why I am telling you this, except I don't really have much to say. We did redo the downstair's computer from a Win98 to a DellXP, which is really nice. My parents are out at Applebee's, and upon their return, my father will plug internet into my own room.

I have spent a lot of time contemplating the reasons Jesus actually came to earth. We all say he came mainly to forgive us from our sins, but I don't think that's it. I know it's major (duh), but that's not it. He came for two things: to create a new community, and restore our lives - real life - to us. I am really exploring this in my free time and it is actually some really interesting stuff. If anyone has anything to say on that, I'd like it.

Last Thursday we opened gifts with my dad's side of the family. At your family reunions, when someone gets cash or a check, does someone always say, "Let me check that out," or, "pass those gifts around," or something like that, and then everyone laughs? It always happens. My cousin gets a check, someone says, "Let me see what you got..." and then everybody starts laughing really hard. But I don't think they're really laughing. I think it's just to be politically correct. The joke isn't funny at all. I don't know why they do it every time. This year I didn't crack a smile, I just looked at the attempted-jokester with a lazy eye.

So this is the first post of 2005. In other words, happy New Year. May your dreams and wishes and new year's resolutions not be met with failure and stagnation. I spent this 'holiday' of sorts celebrating with the legendary Chris, Pat, Pat and Lee at Shelby's house. We drank root beer to celebrate the new year, then loaded up, drove home, and plan on a very enjoyable evening playing my two new games and watching a movie.

The two new games is a Battlefield-like Star Wars game called Battleground Star Wars. The other is a Black Hawk Down game where you get to shoot up the Somalis in Magadishu. Both are very cool. The movie, hailed as stupid and ingenius at the same time, is the infamous Napoleon Bonaparte... I mean, Napoleon Dynamite. How foolish of me.

Happy New Year.