the fourth week

Monday. I didn’t fall asleep until 3 AM and missed Genesis 1-11. I barely made it to my 9:45-1:00 shift on time. Ams and her roommate Emily came in to keep me company. I ate lunch with Karen in the coffee shop, surprised that it wasn’t awkward, and then I slept until 3:10 before heading to President’s Hall for The Gospel of Mark. Gambill and Kyle are taking it, too. At 6:00 we went to dinner in the cafeteria. Faikham and I hung out for most of the evening. She cried because she’s been homesick a lot lately and she misses her mom. I tried cheering her up by buying her a hot chocolate. She got cheery again, and we sat on the sofa in Student Life and looked at pictures on Google Images of her hometown in Thailand.

Tuesday. All classes were cancelled today because of a foot of snow, so I slept in till about 10:00 and walked to Summit View for a cigarette. Jessie and I worked at the Hilltop, and I spent my shift shoveling snow from the sidewalks around the café. Faikham and I made snow angels, and we went sledding and I sliced open my finger on the jagged ice. I built a kickass igloo with Nate and Kirby, and I couldn’t feel my feet for three hours. We had a mandatory dorm meeting in Foster Hall. Jobst spent the night in my dorm room because he couldn’t get back to his apartment.

Wednesday. Another snow day. My sliced finger hurts. I ran out of smokes so I walked down Glenway Avenue to the footstop. It was eerie. No snow has been cleared, there were no cars, just deadness. I spent most of the day in the Hilltop with friends: Faikham, Jessie, Deshay, Stupid Farmer, Mikaela, Kyle, Gambill, and Ams. A bunch of got together to watch the show Arrested Development on a projector. At night Justin came into my dorm room, sat down, and talked to me about Jessie. It’s official: they book like each other.

Thursday. School is back in session. I slept through my morning shift at the Hilltop. I went to Geology with Jessie, and then we went to the café to hang out. At 5:00 Mikaela showed up, and we went to the Oratorium and got to know one another. At dinner, Katie sat down with the Wright Brothers, and not wanting to be seen with her, they got up and left. So I left my table with Jessie and went to sit with her. After dinner Katie and I went to the Worship Ministry building and talked; she told me about her relationship with Dylan Wright. It broke my heart, it really did. I almost wept for her. She’s been so manipulated, used, and abused. She is privately praised and publically shunned. She’s been beaten and bloodied and left abandoned in a pool of her own tears. She’s been ravaged, and she’s in need of rescue, redemption, resuscitation. I felt numb after we talked, and I crawled into my bed and wept. I didn’t weep for me but for her.

Friday. It took me thirty minutes to get my car out of the snow. Katie and I had lunch together. Ams and I drove to Dayton separately for a meeting with Dad at our bank. Chris came over for a while, and we hung out. Jessie called me late in the night, crying. “Beast, you’re pushing me away.” I denied it. But what if she’s right? What if I am pushing her away? What if, due to my conscious fears of losing her to Justin, I am subconsciously doing exactly what she claims I am doing? Maybe I believe that pushing her away will lessen the pain of losing our friendship?

Saturday. I worked at 11:00, showered, and went to Joe’s clinic. New depression medicine and some high-tech bandages for my gruesome finger cut. I got my hair cut short and spent the afternoon drinking coffee and working on Dwellers of the Night. I returned to campus around 8:00, went to the Hilltop and hung out with Kyle, Jessie, and Katie. Gambill joined us. He was in a bad mood. I played a game of Outburst with Kugler, Deshay, Faikham, Avon, and Katie M. Back in the dorms Stupid Farmer and I played Flight Simulator 2004.

Sunday. I was sick most of the day, and I slept until 5 PM. I spent the evening hanging out with Katie, Deshay, Justin, and Ams. I took Faikham to WalGreens, and she told me, “You’re so cute.” She was in a good mood. A bunch of people went to Steak & Shake, but Faikham and I just headed back to campus and hung for a while in the Worship Ministry building.