I am constantly asking the question, “What does God want me to do with my life?” I believe that God wants us to do what we want as long as it is glorifying to Him. I do not believe that hypothetical fairytale idea of God having a blueprint for our lives. I do not believe that God has a specific set course for our lives. I do not believe that God has a specific girl for me. Ultimately, the question is, “What do I want to do with my life—and how can I use it to glorify God?” I believe that God will, somehow or another, bless such a venture. But even when the question is transformed, the answer is still less clear. For the past few years I have been torn in what to do with my life, what to pursue.
I love writing.
I love teaching.
I love preaching.
Those are the three things I love. In Minnesota, I had such an excellent time because all three were present. It was a dream come true. I am gifted in all three of those areas, a gift not due to my own talents but purely from the graces of God. I am seeking to find a way to bring all of these together for a concrete goal for my life. You would think it would be easy—“Work at a church! Preach on Sundays, teach on weekdays, and write theological and spiritual works in your spare time!” And honestly, deep down, that’s what I want to do. But it feels so distant. It feels like I will never be able to experience that again. What I had in Minnesota was fantastic—great friends, a great church, a great town, a great environment—and I fear that wherever I end up working will not in any way compare. It is a worry that I have.
This is a rambling post. One of those posts that you begin hoping that you will come to a concrete thesis by the end of the discourse. So here is the thesis at the end of this discourse: I want to teach, I want to preach, I want to write. But I fear that the greatest atmosphere for such an occupation was just an internship, and that I will not be able to experience that in the future. I fear that the best has come and gone. Right now I am not preaching. I am not teaching. I am buried in schoolwork, and my writing is essay after essay and paper after paper, things I do not desire to write about. I feel strangled, and that feeling is inching its way into every part of who I am. I find myself irritable, in a bad mood, ill-tempered. I feel like I am a beautiful vase stuffed full with manure: the vase is designed to hold flowers, but it has been forced into an existence where it is not functioning as it has been designed to function. I desperately want to hold flowers, but right now all I am holding is manure. And I’ve held flowers before, and I’ve loved it—but I’m still just holding manure.
I look forward to the day when I will preach again.
I look forward to the day when I will teach again.
I look forward to the day when my writing will teach and inspire.
My prayer is that God will continue molding me into the person whom He wants me to be. I pray that He will continue morphing me into a person who looks more and more like His Son Jesus Christ. I pray that God will not let my talents go wasted but will use them as He desires in a way that will glorify Him and advance His kingdom. I pray that my talents will not be wasted on my own self-glorification but utilized for the glorification of God and the spread of the gospel.
I love writing.
I love teaching.
I love preaching.
Those are the three things I love. In Minnesota, I had such an excellent time because all three were present. It was a dream come true. I am gifted in all three of those areas, a gift not due to my own talents but purely from the graces of God. I am seeking to find a way to bring all of these together for a concrete goal for my life. You would think it would be easy—“Work at a church! Preach on Sundays, teach on weekdays, and write theological and spiritual works in your spare time!” And honestly, deep down, that’s what I want to do. But it feels so distant. It feels like I will never be able to experience that again. What I had in Minnesota was fantastic—great friends, a great church, a great town, a great environment—and I fear that wherever I end up working will not in any way compare. It is a worry that I have.
This is a rambling post. One of those posts that you begin hoping that you will come to a concrete thesis by the end of the discourse. So here is the thesis at the end of this discourse: I want to teach, I want to preach, I want to write. But I fear that the greatest atmosphere for such an occupation was just an internship, and that I will not be able to experience that in the future. I fear that the best has come and gone. Right now I am not preaching. I am not teaching. I am buried in schoolwork, and my writing is essay after essay and paper after paper, things I do not desire to write about. I feel strangled, and that feeling is inching its way into every part of who I am. I find myself irritable, in a bad mood, ill-tempered. I feel like I am a beautiful vase stuffed full with manure: the vase is designed to hold flowers, but it has been forced into an existence where it is not functioning as it has been designed to function. I desperately want to hold flowers, but right now all I am holding is manure. And I’ve held flowers before, and I’ve loved it—but I’m still just holding manure.
I look forward to the day when I will preach again.
I look forward to the day when I will teach again.
I look forward to the day when my writing will teach and inspire.
My prayer is that God will continue molding me into the person whom He wants me to be. I pray that He will continue morphing me into a person who looks more and more like His Son Jesus Christ. I pray that God will not let my talents go wasted but will use them as He desires in a way that will glorify Him and advance His kingdom. I pray that my talents will not be wasted on my own self-glorification but utilized for the glorification of God and the spread of the gospel.
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