2013. I woke stunned with sadness. I chug NyQuil to pass out and not think about her, only to dream about her. The dreams sap all my energy. I woke dreading the day: a long shift with Ben & Jason requiring lots of energy on my part; but I feel like I barely have enough energy to function myself. I wanted to try out U.C.C.'s Thursday night group, but by 8 PM I was just emotionally exhausted. I didn't have the energy to put on a friendly face and meet a bunch of people I don't know. So I drank NyQuil, spent a solid hour in prayer, and passed out. Yay Halloween.
2012. I worked 11-7:00 after my morning visit to The Anchor. I picked up Chipotle at the Anchor. Andy moved all his stuff out of Claypole. Now Blake and I are the Last Bastions. We must have a party before we go. Ams came over after work and we spent Halloween Night watching movies in the living room.
2011. Mandy K. and I talked for about an hour today, and it felt like ten minutes. It was so good to talk to her, just to hear her voice. We "caught up," and she said, "I may not know what I feel, but I do know that I'm feeling that I'm missing you." I worked 6:30-3:30, and Brandy & Jake came over in the evening. I took one of my lonesome drives out to Eden Park. A drive I've made too many times. I don't know why, but driving through the park at night with the city sleeping in the valley below makes me feel better. It's a ritual, something I can control. And I've been dreaming about losing teeth again, and I always have these dreams when I feel trapped and powerless to break free. Trapped in what? Hell, my own head half the time. But, no, I think I'm trapped in this unending cycle of daring to let hope breathe only to be reminded, Over and Over, that there's a reason I've been suffocating it all along. I've buried hope in a shallow grave only to resurrect it at the first taste of something good. Maybe I just need to dig the grave deeper this time around, or muster enough calloused self-control to not pick up the spade when I see hope stirring. Never-mind all this: the Wisconsinite opened the grave, but now it's time to fill it in again. Funny how it takes two to unbury it, but in the end there's only one person left to clean up the mess that's been made.
2010. I spent the night at Ams' place after last night's party. I spent my morning at Mount Echo, looking out at the city and praying for a bit. My prayers in that place used to be so heart-wrenching. Sarah, Ams and I went to Anchor Grill, and it was hipster central. Then Sarah and I went to Refuge. Andy W. was working, and he hooked me up. We parted ways, and I went to Rob & Mandy's apartment, and we had spaghetti for dinner before House Church. Rob taught on the kingship of Jesus. Gambill came over later. Mandy begged me to smoke pot, but I didn't feel like it.
2009. Dylan and I went to Frisch's for breakfast before he headed home. I showered and went to Tri-Health to visit Sarah while working on my resume, applying for jobs, and applying for Seminary. When Sarah got off work, we went to Wal-Greens. Back home Sarah and I hung out in her room and got dressed for the Halloween Party: I went as a zombie, and she went as a cat. Sarah and I headed over to Hartman's come night-fall and had a wonderful time: we played Ninja, a drinking game (King's?), and took lots of pictures. Sarah took shots of gin, climbed on top of the fridge, and then puked everywhere. She broke out her Djarum cloves before our drive home. She went downstairs and passed out drunk, and I watched some TV and went to bed.
2008. Ams came down to Cincinnati to spend the day with me. We went to the Halloween party in the Worship Ministry buildings. Kyle, Jessie, and Sarah joined us. Deshay went to King's Island. Jessie, Sarah, Ams and I went to Highlands Cafe for a few hours. Jessie got coffee, Ams got a latte, and I had spiced rum cider. Delicious!
2007. I worked 4-7:30 at the Hilltop Coffee Shop. We had a Halloween party, and you got fifty cents off your drink if you were in costume, and twenty-five cents off if you impersonated a professor. The lights were dimmed, Halloween music was played, and I got to wear a mask. The Adult classes were going on, and several people complained about us playing Devil's Music. After work I did my online Gospel of Luke exam, went back to the Hilltop for dinner, and spent the rest of my night reading.
2006. After Basic Bible Doctrines I had breakfast with Megan & Tim and then went to chapel with Julie. After chapel I hung out with Monica, Monk, Abby, and Coop in the coffee shop and then worked 6-9:00 covering for Trista so she could go to a Halloween party. I spent the evening hanging out with Jessica, and we walked around campus bundled up in our autumn garments.
No comments:
Post a Comment