Sometimes my own desperation leads me down roads I'd be better off not traveling, dragging me down alleyways and avenues lined with crooks and gangsters and false lovers. It is a cruel thing, desperation; it can draw up a well of prayers or a well of selfishness. It can draw up life or death. It can draw up joy or frustration, contentment or heartbreak, peace or division. Every time I let desperation guide my life, things go wrong. I don't ever seem to learn. I know the remedy well-enough; rely on God instead of myself. Throw my desperation upon Him, as He has good plans for me, not plans of disaster. Let him do the guiding as we sled through the rockies. He is under control, and I don't act like it. I think I have to make things happen, I have to go out-of-my-league to get the ball rolling. No; I honestly believe that if I just pursue God, pursue intimacy with God and discipleship to Christ, and live my life as He has created me to live, He will piece things together and offer them to me as gifts. I'm not under the belief that discipleship and intimacy to God through discipleship leads to "health and wealth," but God will take care of all my needs. I just need to rely on Him. This is what I believe. The hard part is believing it when the desperation really hits home.