"The Dream of God"

In Matthew 6, in the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus urges us to pray that God’s will be done on earth as it is done in heaven. The Greek word for “will” (thelema) literally means “what one wishes, what one desires, what one pleasures.” Jesus is saying, in effect, that we ought to pray that God’s wish for humanity come true; that His desire and pleasure be fulfilled. In short, we are to pray that God’s dream become a reality in our universe.

The big question arises: “What is the dream of God?” The dream of God is, simply, the glory of God. The “glory of God” is a religious-sounding phrase that points back to the Garden of Eden; the desire of God is for the universe to be like it was when He first created it. When we read the Genesis texts of what the world was like back before sin plagued the universe, we find that mankind existed in an interactive, dynamic dance involving God and creation. Sadly, this dream has been lost. Why? As Romans 3.23 puts it, “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” God did something very dangerous, something the angels may have found peculiar or even borderline foolish: He made a creature and gave this creature free will, the ability to choose between two polar opposites. In other words, God gave the creatures the ability to abandon the Garden; He warned them not to, but they did. We follow in their footsteps. We have left the garden of the “glory of God” and have embraced a life totally opposite of God’s desires: a life of selfishness, greed, and indifference to God and man (in short, a life of sin!). God did not create sin; we are its makers. God did not urge us to sin; He warned us against it! God is not the cause of all the suffering and pains of our world: we are!

Yet God has not abandoned us; rather, propelled by His love, He intervened, even to the point of taking on human form and being executed as a criminal, mocked and beaten and humiliated by the very creatures He adores. What is the point of the cross? The point of the cross is not merely forgiveness; yes, the cross brings us forgiveness, yet this forgiveness paves the way to something great: reconciliation. The Greek word from whence our English “reconciliation” comes from is apokatallasso; it means, literally, to return to a state of former harmony. Another Greek word for “reconciliation” is diallasso; this is the inauguration of friendship between two people. Through the cross, God returns us to the “glory of God” and befriends us, we who were formerly His enemies! Through the cross, we have become friends with God! A beautiful text in the Old Testament shows how great friendship with God is. Moses ascends a mountain two times, and both times God appears to him. The first time God appears in thunder and lightning, fire and earthquake. The second time God appears with a banquet, laughter, and a brilliant blue sky. It is a scary thing to be enemies with God (the first ascent), but a beautiful thing to be His friends (the second ascent). In Christ, through the cross, we become “friends of God.” We return to the “glory of God.”

How do we experience the glory of God now, in our daily, mundane lives? The three cornerstones of the glory of God are connection with God, connection with humanity, and connection with creation. Through the cross, we are able to be intimate with God. In Old Testament times, God’s people could not come into His presence; to do so was to die! When Jesus died, the curtain separating the people from God’s presence was torn in two, signifying something great coming into being: now we can bathe in God’s presence, commune with Him daily, converse with Him and hear His tender voice. Through the cross, we are able to commune with humanity in the body of Christ; the followers of Christ unite together, loving one another with kindness, compassion, servitude, and friendship. Through the cross, we are able to be connected with creation in a way we will not finally understand until we get to heaven.

Yet we do not experience the glory of God now in its totality; the day is coming, however, when we will experience a return to Eden in all its splendor and majesty. The scriptures speak of this as the “new heavens and new earth”: evil will be banished, the demons and Satan will be destroyed, and God’s people shall inherit a new universe filled with stars and planets, oceans and mountains, rivers and woodlands. People are always asking, “What will heaven be like?” The popular answer is, “A big church service!” Honestly, as I explore the scriptures, I see something totally different. I do not have a black-and-white answer to the question, but I believe we will live wonderful lives: growing our own crops, walking with Jesus through the woods, even swimming with dolphins. Heaven will be a wonderful place, its mere greatness and majesty making all the sufferings of this world worth it all!

The dream of God is for the universe to be reconciled with Him. His dream is for the return of the glory of God. “So what?” begs the question. We all have a choice to make: heaven or hell? This is not a matter of mere destination; we must choose whether to bring heaven to earth or to bring hell to earth; we must choose whether to bring God’s dream to earth or poison the creation with our own self-centered dreams.

“How do we bring heaven to earth?” First, we become children of God through Christ. We experience the salvation of God through faith, repentance, confession, and baptism. Second, we begin living the lifestyle of Christ in all arenas of our existence, public and private: we embrace a lifestyle of selflessness, sacrifice, serving others, humility, kindness, compassion and justice. In short, we embrace and live-out a lifestyle of divine love. Third, we bring God’s dream to earth by inviting others into the dream of God.

Yet we can also choose to bring hell to earth. We rebel against God, or we blatantly ignore Him. We remain children of the devil, enemies with God. We live the lifestyle of “the world”: a lifestyle of selfishness, greed, and indifference to God and man (the opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference). We use and abuse others, urging those without God to dig deeper holes for themselves.

As I stand here today, the choice is yours: “Will you bring heaven—or hell—to earth?” Will you embrace the dream of God or cling to your own futile, empty, suffocating dreams? No matter your decision, God’s dream is coming true. Depending on the paths we take in this life, we will either live with God in His dream for eternity—an eternity that starts now!—or we will receive that which we deserve and that which we’ve chosen every time we rebelled against God or ignored Him: hell in this life and in the next.

This morning I decided to try making a new drink and ended up making something everyone loves! People have been purchasing it like gold, and all the workers are making their own. This drink will most likely make its way into the menu; it's pretty cool coming up with a drink that people really enjoy. Here is my official "letter" to the Hilltop Coffee Shop management (though all of management is my friends, I still need to write a letter):

I have made a drink for several people, and they love it. It is hot apple cider. Just ask the supervisors who have tried it. I personally love it, and people really seem to enjoy it.

This drink is very easy to make: one shot cinnamon, steamed apple juice, and whipped cream and caramel swirls on top.

I think we should add this to the menu. People would buy it, especially with the advent of fall and winter. What is better than a hot apple cider while sitting bundled up with your love on the hill, overlooking the city lights draped in snow? Well, the sound of a Parasaurolophus in the woodlands--or even the elegant, erotic stride of a Pentaceratops in heat--may be better. But I still consider this an excellent drink, and I believe we could make a handsome profit off its sales.

Your 12-year-old barista,

Anthony

"Therefore, my brothers, be eager to prophesy, and do not forbid speaking in tongues. But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way." - 1 Cor 14.39-40

My friend Benny Hinn certainly understands this!

These words of Rob Bell have been cruising through my mind of lately:

God makes us in his image. We reflect the beauty and creativity and wonder of the God who made us. And Jesus calls us to return to our true selves. The pure, whole people God originally intended us to be, before we veered off course.

Somewhere in you is the you whom you were made to be.

We need you to be you.

We don't need a second anybody. We need the first you.

The problem is that the image of God is deeply scarred in each of us, and we lose trust in God's version of our story. It seems too good to be true. And so we go searching for identity. We achieve and we push and we perform and we shop and we work out and we accomplish great things, longing to repair the image. Longing to find an identity that feels right.

Longing to be comfortable in our own skin.

But the thing we are searching for is not somewhere else. It is right here. And we can only find it when we give up the search, when we surrender, when we trust. Trust that God is already putting us back together.

Trust that through dying to the old, the new can give birth.

Trust that Jesus can repair the scarred and broken image.

It is trusting that I am loved. That I always have been. That I always will be. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to prove anything or achieve anything or accomplish one more thing. That exactly as I am, I am totally accepted, forgiven, and there is nothing I could ever do to lose this acceptance.

God knew exactly what he was doing when he made you. There are no accidents. We need you to embrace your true identity, who you are in Christ, letting this new awareness transform your life.

That is what Jesus has in mind.

This is what brings heaven to earth.

(taken from "Velvet Elvis," pp. 150-151

Julie (who lives in Xenia) picked me up on her way home yesterday and drove me back to campus. We had great conversation the entire way there. I spent my evening hanging out with folk in the coffee shop, then took a walk to think about things. I thought about the whole "girl" situation I find myself in. In hindsight, I cannot believe that I faced a decision as to which girl to "go after." In fact, I feel like a moron. This isn't like me! I've come to the place where I find myself comfortable with being single; mayhaps my flirt with Sonja taught me something after all: being in a relationship doesn't erase all the problems we're faced with; singleness isn't the root of all troubles (in fact, it may very well keep the troubles from compounding!). I don't know if things are going to work out with the girl I want to date, but she is an amazing friend and I think highly of her. If she decides not to date, I will be okay with that, and our friendship will continue. Oddly, I'm not too worried about the situation, though (to be honest) I hope she chooses to date!

We sat out on the hill last night, looking out over the city, and she said, "I'm not sure if I want to date yet or not. I'm afraid of losing the great friendship that we have." Had it come from any other girl, I would've seen through the fog and heard, "Actually, I just don't want to date you." It's different with this girl, though. I can tell she's being honest, torn between two decisions, the great chasm of risk holding office as the feared peril. "I'm not a girl who likes to take risks," she told me. I said, "Well, there's always the risk of losing something good, like our friendship. But at the same time, we can't let the risks decide how we live our lives. If we let risk rule our actions and decisions, we'll never taste the opportunities that present themselves." Of course, I admitted to her, I am biased. Heh.

We ate lunch together today, then sat out on the hill and talked for three hours. She is such a good girl, and I really hope she decides to date. I find peace, however, in that Elohim--the "God of gods"--looks over me, guides my steps, and tells me, "Everything will be okay; have I ever failed you before?" No matter what happens, He'll take care of me. And at least it's been an invigorating ride!

I am teaching on "Discipleship" in class today, part three of a trilogy we've been doing over the last few weeks. The first week we spoke on how we are to be salt and light, and this happens when we live as disciples of Jesus in our world. The second week we discussed evangelism in the realm of discipleship, how if we are true disciples, evangelism will come to us simply. This week we tackle the two great questions, "What, exactly, is a disciple?" and "How do I become a disciple of Christ?"

One of the texts I will be using is a tidbit from E. Stanley Jones' Conversation:

"The best Man that ever lived on our planet illustrated this receptivity and response rhythm. No one was so utterly dependent on God and no one was more personally disciplined in his habits.

He did three things by habit: (1) "He stood up to read as was his custom"--he read the Word of God by habit. (2) "He went out into the mountain to pray as was his custom"--he prayed by habit. (3) "He taught them again as was his custum"--he passed on to others by habit what he had and what he had found.

These simple habits were the foundation habits of his life. They are as up-to-date as tomorrow morning. No converted person can live without those habits at work vitally in his life."

I believe Jones is onto something. Being a disciple is simple though difficult. As disciples, we are called by God to study how Jesus lived and ask the great question, "Who would Jesus be if He were me in my daily circumstances?" As disciples, we are called to a life of prayer; "constant" prayer, as the Apostle Paul (I believe) put it. As disciples, we are called to "make disciples." We are called to share the beauty of the kingdom with those around us however we can.

On my simple walk up the steps to work yesterday night, my shoes filled with water, my pants became damp and soggy, and my whispery blond hair evolved into a dripping mop on top of my head. As I sloshed into the coffee shop filled with Alumni from the school and countless others for a Christian concert held in the chapel, all eyes turned upon me. Monk, the New Zealand coffee shop manager, burst into laughter. Coop, one of my good friends and the supervisor for the night, laughed and said, "You look like a rat that crawled up out of the sewer!" The rain fell hard all night long, but the air felt crisp and clean when I left the coffee shop around 12:15 a.m. A quiet mist clung to the earth, and lightning traced glowing arcs through the sky. A beautiful night!

Mom picked me up this afternoon, and Dad, Ams and I went to Barnes & Nobles. I've been seeking a good devotional book, one that is actually worthwhile and not filled with cheesy, cliche Christianity. In other words, I was not looking for a Max Lucado book (sorry Max Lucado fans). I finally found something beautiful: a collection of writings from various saints throughout the ages, put together with commentary by Richard Foster. I sat outside and read through some of the writings of Henri Nouwen's Making All Things New:

"From all that I said about our worried, overfilled lives, it is clear that we are usually surrounded by so much outer noise that it is hard to truly hear our God when he is speaking to us. We have often become deaf, unable to know when God calls us and unable to understand in which direction he calls us.

Thus our lives have become absurd. In the word absurd we find the Latin word surdus, which means 'deaf'. A spiritual life requires discipline because we need to learn to listen to God, who constantly speaks but whom we seldom hear.

When, however, we learn to listen, our lives become obedient lives. The word obedient comes from the Latin word audire, which means 'listening.' A spiritual discipline is necessary in order to move slowly from an absurd to an obedient life, from a life filled with noisy worries to a life in which there is some free inner space where we can listen to our God and follow His guidance.

Jesus' life was a life of obedience. He was always listening to the Father, always attentive to his voice, always alert for his direction. Jesus was 'all ear.' That is true prayer: being all ear for God. The core of all prayer is indeed listening, obediently standing in the presence of God."

As of lately, many things have been going on in my life, some mentioned on this blog and some not. I do not believe a blog is the place to pour out every nook and cranny of the inner sanctuary of our heart (though sometimes my posts seem to do so!). One area in my life that I have been struggling with has been prayer, especially the aspect of listening to God's word, to His guidance for my life. I have offered up many prayers for answers, then gone about with my life trying to answer them myself. God is telling me, I believe, "Listen to Me. Instead of filling your prayers with countless words, just sit down, shut up, and listen."

This week has been crazy. Not so much in the sense of a lot of work or papers to write, but in the sense of a lot of opportunities and hopes finding themselves knocking at my front door. I broke up with Sonja a little over a month ago; if you read back through my posts to the one on the day of the break-up, you'll see that one of the reasons I made this decision was that I felt God felt God telling me, "This isn't where I want you right now." In all honesty, the only reasons I dated Sonja was because she was very pretty and she liked me (not that I didn't like her back, and she is a very sweet girl). The day after the break-up, I went through some periods of stoicism and hopelessness; I went to my favorite park here in Cincinnati, Mt. Echo, and went before God in prayer. He comforted me, telling me that everything was under control and that He would take care of me ("Don't you dare be afraid," He said to me).

A few posts ago I mentioned that I felt between a rock and a hard place, facing two possible relationships, one that would definitely take place if I went after it and another filled with all kinds of risks. I came to the conclusion that I had more feelings for the girl with whom I would have to take a risk, so I decided to avoid the easy route and walk the hard one. I started inviting her to hang out one-on-one. We hung out for four hours together Monday, five and a half hours Tuesday, a little bit Wednesday, and then she invited me to a concert with her Thursday night and we went together. Emily (her roommate) and Kyle (one of my best friends) told me that I had better tell her that I like her. So I bought two orders of hot chocolate and met her on the stone wall on the hill overlooking Cincinnati. "I'm sure you've noticed that something is up," I said. She said it had not escaped her attention. With a cool wind whistling past us, I told her, "The truth is, I have feelings for you. I like you." She did not say anything at first, remaining rather quiet. Then she said, "No one's ever told me that before." She was suspended in a quiet for about forty-five minutes as we sat on the hill; I let the silence come, as Emily told me, "She'll be really quiet and won't say much. That's just how she is, don't take it the wrong way." I told the girl, "I would like to take you out sometime. Nothing fancy, you'd have to drive. You don't have to answer now. Think it over, then let me know, okay?" "Okay," she said. I never received an answer last night.

This morning she met me for lunch and we sat in the coffee shop, talking for about an hour. The subject of last night never came up, but our conversation went well, diverging into several areas of interest: theology, doctrine, "Is baptism needed for salvation?", and "Is Hell eternal torment or eternal destruction?" We even discussed different aspects fo justification and sanctification. I found that I could use theological words and she understands; it's quite enjoyable. She's very brilliant, too, and has thought a lot about her faith. She, like me, is very postmodern in her thinking. She left for home today, and I asked if I could call her sometime over the weekend. "Of course you can call me anytime you want!" she said.

So I don't know what's going on between me and her right now. She's known (apparently) for two weeks that I've liked her, and yet she's continued hanging out with me and inviting me places with her. She was more than willing to hang out today knowing that I'd "popped the question." She still has not told me whether or not she wants to go on a date, but I'm not pushing for it. She is a very quiet, shy, introspective girl, and I think it's a good idea for her to think these things over. If we do end up dating, I want to take things slow. I will keep all of my loyal readers informed of how things go.

Over the past many months, GOD has been convicting me of several aspects of and areas in my life that need to change. I believe in a God who disciplines His children when they continue to live in disobedience to Him, not heeding His word. Yet at the same time, I believe in a God who grants mercy and grace. I believe that when we come to Him in repentance, clothed in humility, reverence, and respect, GOD smiles upon us: He grants us rest, peace, and joy. He clothes us with His majesty, whispers sweet nothings in our ears, and begins to mold our lives into what He has always desired them to be. GOD has marvelous plans for our lives, but in order for these plans to be realized into actuality, we must submit ourselves entirely over to GOD. We must become men and women of God, the very name implicating the ownership He has over us. My hope and prayer is that I will find the strength, the determination, and the willpower to listen to the voice of GOD and make the changes He calls me to make.

This week should be really good: I have an easy work schedule (8-11a.m. M.W.F., then 9:30-close Friday night). On top of all this, I only have one paper to write (which I will do tomorrow). On top of all this, my most dreaded class is canceled on Wednesday. I haven't any real news to pass on, sadly.

One of my best friends may be going to the West-Point Academy next year. It's always been a dream of his, and now the school is practically offering for him to play football for them. Needless to say, he is very excited.

I've decided to spend more time with one of the girls, in the hope of possibly accumulating a dating relationship, so I am backing down from the other one. I don't want to be a player, leading two girls on at the same time. This is not something I'm too appreciative for.

Also, Roger got a hold of me and asked if I could make up a 13-week curriculum for the Fall High School class. I am thinking about doing a survey of the Exodus, paralleling it with the great 2nd Exodus, the Exodus of Christ. I think it will be very interesting and fascinating, as the Exodus is one of my favorite subjects, and on top of all this I get to share the story of the gospel with the students as I go about the story of the Exodus. I plan on spending some time tomorrow hammering-out the plan.

Maybe I'll get that post on repentance and the "Eternal Security?" post up and on here sometime soon, since I have so much downtime. So be looking forward to that, as well as to the last two lessons (short ones, mind you) that I taught for High School class.

Thursdays are my bad days: classes from 8:30 in the morning to 3:00 in the afternoon. It's just like high school! At least I am allowed to eat in the class, play with my phone, and even doze off without too much conflict. Mom and Dad came down, and we drove to the lot to check out the Jeep. It's pretty much hosed, which is very sad. I will be without a car for quite some time. I may be able to get a loan or borrow a car somehow. I'm not sure yet. I need to remember to pay my ticket tomorrow or at least on Monday (or else I have to go to court). I chilled out in the coffee shop for the rest of the night, and I even stomached the nerve to talk with a cute girl for about an hour and a half on the hill overlooking Cincinnati. She's a really quiet girl, but we're both nerds, so that's really good. Haha.

I have work tomorrow morning, class, and then (if I can catch a ride) I hope to go home for the weekend. If not, I will be hanging out in the dorms and doing homework (what tremendous fun).

The rain had been coming down for ours; as I drove down Lehman, the rain caught under my tires and I hydroplaned. Realizing I had lost control, I tried applying the brakes but to no avail. The road sloped down at a 45 degree angle, eventually intersecting the busy State Avenue. Determined not to let the Jeep ride into the middle of the street, I turned it up onto the curb and promptly slammed into a telephone pole. I was thrown forward in the seat, but the seatbelt held me back. I remained sitting in the car for what seemed an eternity as white smoke rose from the hood that had been crushed into a vertical position. I slowly opened my door and stepped out, completely void of emotion. Men, women, and children came sprinting from every direction; they kept asking me if I were injured, and I said, "No, thank you." They called the police for me, and the fire engine arrived first. The telephone pole sustained no damage, but the Jeep was pretty smashed (and the brand new right-side headlight had been shattered; we should've waited on installing it). The police arrived, too, and I worked with the policeman for a little while, figuring out how we'd go about taking care of this problem. Even the S.W.A.T. team came, which I found very surprising.

At least I didn't poop my pants when I hit the pole. My bowel control increases day-by-day.

I'm very confused right now, in the realm of girls. It's hard to explain, so I won't even try. I just pray I make the right decision.

The odd thing is, I'm not even bothered by the accident. GOD will take care of me, this I honestly believe.

In the mornings our shipments come in for the coffee shop; they're delivered to the dining hall, and I have to run up there, read the invoice, and pick them all up to cart them down to the cafe. The invoice included some frozen wraps for our deli sandwiches. I proceeded to enter into the freezer, around -10 degrees, searching for the wraps. I finally found them, picked them up, and when I turned around, I realized the door had shut on me! I set the boxes down and pushed on the door, but it wouldn't budge. I scanned the door and saw a label saying, "Turn the knob on the door counter-clockwise if shut in." So I began looking for the knob... except it was nowhere to be found! I moved boxes away from the door, but no knob. I moved boxes away from the icy walls, but no knob! I'd been in there about three minutes, and I was shaking from the cold, my nostrils stuffing up, and I started to knock on the door, desiring to be released. No reply. I thought to myself, "The door is so thick, they probably can't help me!" The dining hall staff had already grabbed all their frozen supplies, so they had no reason to come in. I began seeing images of my little body curled up in the corner, eyes glossed over, skin a gruesome purple, wild hair frozen like icicles. Honestly, I began to panic as I started hammering on the door, shouting for help. I'd been having the squirts all morning, I hadn't had a chance to use the bathroom, and what with the fear and all washing over me... well, I pooped myself. I was quite embarrassed, but didn't care: I was going to freeze to death! Suddenly the door opened and one of my friends--Jessica Cadwell--stood there. "I got locked in," I said. She laughed. "The door doesn't lock." "But I was locked in!" "You just have to push." "I did push." "Push harder." She shut the door on me. I pushed harder and it swung open. I walked bow-legged back to the coffee shop and promptly used the restroom, cleaning my mess.

You may never look at me the same.

last sunday's lesson

One of my favorite stories in the gospels is the story found in the gospel of John, chapter eight, verses one through 11. The story is about a confrontation Jesus has with one of the greatest religious groups of the day, the Pharisees, and how Jesus disarms the situation, humiliates the Pharisees, and shows his compassion towards sinners.

The day before the incident, Jesus taught in the city of Jerusalem, but he (for some reason), slept outside the city walls, at the Mount of Olives, a mountain ridge east of the city, named for the olive trees that pepper its slopes. In the morning, Jesus went to the Temple to teach. The Temple was divided into two sections: the sanctuary, where priests offered sacrifices and incense, and the Temple courts, where people could gather and where Rabbis (religious teachers) would teach. As a renowned Rabbi, and one hailed as a prophet, Jesus accumulated a large crowd as he began to teach. When a prophet speaks, people listen.

The Pharisees are at odds with Jesus. The Pharisees began as a social movement around 530 B.C., but they only lasted till around 70 A.D., vanishing with the fall of Jerusalem under the Roman general Titus. The social movement involved into what is called “rabbinic Judaism”; in essence, the Pharisees held the authority, determining the normative, traditional practice of Judaism in the ancient Mediterranean. The Pharisees’ keys beliefs are very similar to what we Christians hold: they believed in a bodily resurrection, they believed in eternal life, they believed in angels and demons, and they believed in obedience to the commands of God. They also believed that the reason for the Messiah’s slow coming was because of the sins of the people. “Become holier,” the Pharisees said, “and the Messiah will come and deliver us from the hands of the Romans, making Israel the great ruling nation of the world.”

Because Jesus’ beliefs were so similar to those of the Pharisees, some scholars make a very convincing case that Jesus himself was a Pharisee. Some object, saying, “Jesus was not a Pharisee, he was a carpenter.” Yet there is only one reference to Jesus being a carpenter (Mark 6.3), and this verse is vague; the title of carpenter may be regarding Jesus’ father as being a carpenter, not Jesus himself. We know little of Jesus’ childhood, but we can make educated guesses. As a good Jewish boy, he would’ve spent his preteen years studying under a Rabbi, where he would’ve memorized the entire Torah (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy). The best and brightest of the students (or “disciples”) would be given even more training to one day become Rabbis themselves. In the texts of Jesus’ adult life, Jesus is referred to as “Rabbi,” and he has quite a vibrant following. If Jesus were a Pharisaic Rabbi, this would bring light to the reasons the Pharisees hated him so much and to why the disciples were so eager to follow him (what an honor to be the student/disciple of an infamous Rabbi!).

Why doesn’t Jesus get along with the Pharisees? The Pharisees viewed tradition as equal to God’s explicit commands; some Christian sects make this same mistake today. The Pharisees’ piety was often hypocritical: they did not live up to their own standards, and they clothed themselves in fake piety while condemning those who, like them, did not “measure up.” They had a very legalistic view on salvation (our salvation is based upon us obeying God’s laws and being good people), completely ignorant of their own depraved humanity and the need for forgiveness. The Pharisees were so obsessed with the law that they missed the beautiful realities of God’s mercy and grace (mercy is not getting what we deserve; grace is getting what we do not deserve). Also, they loved looking good before the people more than they loved their God.

Why did the Pharisees hate Jesus? Several reasons. First, if Jesus were a Pharisee, he would be viewed as a turncoat. Second, he blatantly claimed to be God, a blasphemy worthy of death. Third, he stands in opposition to their mission. The Pharisees’ mission is to cleanse the land of its sin and thereby initiate the coming of the Messiah; Jesus develops genuine friendships with the “worst” of sinners (tax collectors, who sided with the Great Enemy, Rome; and prostitutes, whom were viewed as the most wicked of sinners). Fourth, he is seen as “destroying” the Holy Scriptures; rather than saying, “Obey all 600-something commands of the old covenant,” Jesus says, “I complete the law: instead of obeying all those hundreds of commandments, obey these two: love God, and love other people.”

The Pharisees wish to get rid of Jesus, and so they devise a plan to either get him killed or at least harm his influence on the people. As he is teaching in the temple courts, the Pharisees bring to him a woman caught in the very act of adultery. They shove through the crowds and throw the weeping, terrified, and no-doubt naked woman before the feet of Jesus, the Great Prophet. As the woman lies there humiliated before all the people and terrified of what is coming (she knows very well the punishment for adultery according to Israelite Law), the Pharisees enact their plan. They toss out a challenge to Jesus, snidely calling him “Teacher” as an act of mockery. “Teacher, we caught this woman in the act of adultery. You know the Law very well, you know what she deserves. But tell us, Great Teacher, what should we do?” That adultery is an immoral act is seen in the 7^th commandment, “Do not commit adultery.” Adultery is not just sleeping with another person; it is when a married person sleeps with someone he or she is not married to (the sanctity of marriage is very important to God). The woman is not necessarily a prostitute; rather, she belongs to a man other than the one whom she was caught sleeping with! The punishment is outlined in the book of Leviticus (20.10): death! How would the adulterer be put to death? He or she would be stoned: thrown over a small cliff, and then bludgeoned by rocks thrown down atop of him or her.

How is this a trap? If Jesus says, “Stone her,” he gives a command that goes against the laws of Rome, who own Israel at the time. The Romans made a law that stated the Jews could not execute anyone unless the criminal violated Temple laws. So if Jesus says, “Stone her,” he is guilty of treason against Rome and worthy of the death of a criminal (death on a Roman cross). But if Jesus says, “Don’t stone her,” he is ignoring the Law of Moses, so very important to the Pharisees. If he does this, this will compromise his patriotic Jewish following and also hack against his presumed identity as a prophet.

How does Jesus respond? He responds very cleverly. He kneels down and begins writing in the dirt with his finger! No one really knows what he wrote, but we can speculate. Late Greek manuscripts say that he wrote out the sins of the Pharisees; being God, he knew the hearts and secrets of all men, and he would’ve known the dark skeletons of the Pharisees’ lives. Others speculate that he writes out the tenth commandment: do not covet your neighbor’s wife or your neighbor’s property. How many of us have not done that? Others think that he is simply wasting time, showing his carelessness at their question. The Pharisees continue to badger him, and he finally stands to give a reply. He says, “Let he who is without sin throw the first stone.” According to the law, the witnesses of the crime were the ones to throw the first stones. The Pharisees, then, have the task to begin the execution. Jesus’ words are a frontal assault against the thick pride of the Pharisees: the Pharisees, so proud of their pious lives, hide their sin. Jesus has shown himself to be a prophet, and they understand that prophets have the keen ability to see inside the hearts of men. The fear of the Pharisees, I believe, is that if they throw a stone, Jesus will begin throwing out his own stones: condemning them with a slur of their own sins, thus breaking apart their pride and influence, two things they prized greater than God.

The Pharisees, cornered and humiliated, slowly begin to trickle away. The older men (who are haunted by their wicked pasts more and have more to lose) leave first; the younger men follow their lead. The Pharisees leave, leaving the woman at the feet of Jesus. The woman, I’m sure, is terrified; “What will the prophet do to me?” she wonders in terror. She knows very well her sin, and she also knows the power of a prophet. The prophet sees the truth of her sin inside her, and the prophet has the unquestionable authority to kill her then and there. He asks her, “Has any man condemned you?” In a shaky, frightened voice, she answers, “No…” Jesus then says, “I don’t condemn you, either. Go and sin no more.” God is severe about sin, but He is also compassionate! A beautiful verse in Romans tells us that while God’s wrath is severe, His mercy and grace is even greater. Jesus has forgiven this woman of her sins (an ability given only to God), and the commanded response is simple: go and sin no more. Thankfully our salvation is not dependent upon our perfect repentance, for repentance is never perfect for anyone.

This great story is thick with theological implications, but I want to use this story as the background for an exploration of the concept of sin.

“What is sin?” Sin is selfishness, greed, over-indulgence, and indifference to God and others in the heart. This internal sin produces the visible manifestations of external sin, such as adultery.

“What sins do we categorize as the ‘big’ sins, those worse than others?” In the Pharisees’ sins, the greatest sins were siding with the Roman government (such as tax collectors) and sexual immorality (prostitution, adultery, fornication). In our culture, the most grievous sins include homosexuality, premarital sex, smoking and drinking (which in and of themselves are not sins at all!), etc. The question begs to be asked, “Which sins anger God the most?” While all sins are the same in the sense that we fall under the same condemnation whether we lie or murder someone, there are some certain sins that just get God all fired-up. When we look at the Old Testament narratives (and the New Testament ones as well!), we see that the sins God spends the most time talking about is idolatry (worshipping someone or something other than God) and social injustice (in big and small ways).

“Why do we rush to point out other peoples’ sins?”
“How do we treat people who fall into ‘big’ sins?”
“How should we treat people who have fallen into ‘big’ sins?”

Caleb keeps turning on the air conditioning so it's freezing in here. He went to a friend's house for the weekend so I turned the heat back on. I worked 8-11, it was really easy, then went to class. After work my stomach burned with hunger, so as I ran off to class I bought an italian wrap, a bowl of soup, and a large glass of pepsi. I stumbled into the room late, carrying a full-course meal, and the entire class broke into laughter. Amazing. I spent the day mostly hanging out with people: hit the town with Amos, watched Rocketman with Monica, Ashley, and Jessica, and hung out in the coffee shop with Coop, Rob, and Lizzie. Since most of the students are gone, the coffee shop turned into a desolate ghost town. Bored, Coop decided to start making some shakes. He made three new concoctions: a fruit roll up shake, V9 (a boxed salad and lots of cranberry juice thrown into the blender), the grilled cheese shake (made with smoked provolone), and the marblebread shake. All of these were made in the blender, and only the fruit roll up shake tasted good.

Tomorrow is dedicated to cleaning the room and (maybe) some homework. I am also going to work on my new story, and I have to write out Sunday's lesson. I'm thinking I'll teach on the Genesis 1-2 accounts; I won't press any agendas on how God did anything, but show the historical, cultural, and religious backgrounds to this beautiful poetry. I find it fascinating, and I think I can very cleverly weave into it the message of the gospel. So that's what I'm hoping for.

Good night. I am SO excited about sleeping in in the morning!

As everyone knows, or at least will know now, I've taken up the habit of smoking. It used to be somewhat of an issue for me; "Am I sinning in this?" I've had many conversations with many different people, not excluding the bible and theology professors here at college, and the consensus is, "There's no biblical mandate against smoking." There have only been a few times in my existence when I've smoked heavily. Most of the time I smoke every other day or something of that nature. Some of my friends have taken it upon themselves to take care of my "problem" by forcing me to quit or threatening to turn me in to the college. I'm not going to get into why I think this isn't stemmed out of care or concern but out of a desire to control (many people knowing the situation have reason to believe the motivation is a power-hungry drive for control), but what gets me is the fact that they think they can run my life because I'm younger than them. I can understand their reasons fine, but their methodology of enacting their own wishes for my life makes me sick. The only one who is really concerned but doing anything right is my roommate, Caleb. I've talked to many people on campus about the situation, friends who smoke with me on occasion, and they are all amazed that this is happening. These people have only confronted me out of all their friends. To be honest, I'm getting rather sick of them.

Just a little rant ;)

I think the medicine might be helping me: I have more energy, more exuberance, more desire to be myself. The feelings of restlessness and hopelessness have lessened. I am able to sit down and study and write without quickly shutting the laptop in apathy. It's been a wonderful last few days. I hope it's the medicine so it doesn't wear off, haha.

I ate lunch with Kyle, his girlfriend Emily, and Emily's roommate Julie. Lots of laughter all around. The girls were crying tears of laughter. Julie is really cute. I confessed this to Emily, and she said, "Julie doesn't really ever leave the dorm unless I drag her out. We'll go bowling or something sometime with you and her. Not like a date, that way it's not awkward or anything." She said, "When we were walking back, she said that you're very funny, and you didn't try to force the funniness like some people." Some people say I am naturally funny. I think girls like it?

I spent the evening hanging out with lots of friends: Monica, Jessica, Ryan, Dan. I went to the woods with Nate and Amos, and we talked about God and Christianity and the sick Christian subculture. Monica is going through a hard time, so I sat with her on the bench and absorbed her thoughts. It helped her think through some things and find some clarity. An ear is often more helpful than a mouth.

As I sit here at the computer, I try to remember how much homework I have to do. I know I need to read half a book today, and I need to write out some notes on the laptop... Caleb is moping around the room, complaining about being tired and having to go to work. I don't work until tomorrow. He's playing "Hell's Bells" by ACDC on his computer. It's also is cell phone ring. I really don't have much to do today, except homework, laundry, and a run to Toys-R-Us with Bryant and Rebecca. I should spend some quality time doing my homework down in the coffee shop lounge, as usual.

My weekend went by well: I spent time with the family on Saturday, and on Sunday I taught class (it went well). I met with Joe over Starbucks coffee and we talked about treatment options for my depression. He thinks I might be bipolar. He gave me some medicine I've started taking, and so far, there's been a little change, but nothing major. "Give it a few days," he says. I returned to campus Sunday night to work a five-hour shift with Amos and Lizzie. Lizzie kept spilling the milk out of the containers, and when she would steam it, she'd steam it so hot that it exploded all over her. I literally fell to the ground rolling a few times. I love working with that girl. On Monday I went home to hang out with my sister: we went to Borders and to the park.

Not much else to say, I'm afraid.

I want to thank everyone for the support they've not only offered, but freely given. It means a lot to me, it really does. I'm thankful no one left a comment on my last post telling me that my depression is a side-effect of a corrupt faith. I'm not going to be all pious and tell you that I have the greatest faith in the world, because I don't, but I'm not naive enough to fall victim to the lie that depression is a spiritual disorder caused only by one's poor relationship with God. After all, were not many of the great heroes of the faith (many who find their names written in the declaration of the faithful in Hebrews 11) partakers of depression with me? Abraham, King David (in the early and later periods of his life), Habakkuk, Jeremiah, and then (maybe) John the Baptist and even the great ancient, Mediterranean missionary Paul? So thank you for all the support you've given me, fulfilling the law of love by supporting a brother who is hurting.

Last night at work was amazing. Because of labor day weekend, and because on Fridays the coffee shop is usually deserted because everyone hits the streets of the 'Nati, we did not have much business. We played games and laughed and joked around. We used mancala and "pass the pigs" to decide who would do the dirty jobs (the loser had to do the assigned job; I lost about four times). I also got to spend some time with a really cool girl who *might* have interest in me. Surprisingly enough, girls have not been on my mind lately. I confess I've been missing Sonja, but it's getting much better.

I've changed my message for tomorrow. Instead of talking about evidences for the existence of God (a very philosophical lesson), I've decided instead to teach from my favorite gospel text, John 8.1-11. The emphasis is going to be upon how no one is perfect, we all have our flaws, yet God forgives us and calls us to a higher life. Much time will be spent on the concept of sin (taken from Greek words for the subject), and how Christians are to deal with sin in the lives of those who are partakers of the faith and those who are not yet partakers.

Dad and I are probably going to Barnes & Nobles tonight. It should be fun. I'm looking for a good commentary on the gospels, so if anyone has any they love, please let me know.

a quiet confession

People have been noticing that I've been different this semester. "You're not yourself," they tell me. "What's wrong?" they ask. They're onto something. My heritage is one littered with cases of depression. At about age 20 the depression begins to hit pretty hard, and it's beginning to consume me.

I don't have the energy to do anything.

I don't have the desire to laugh.

I don't have the willpower to be myself.

I find myself often on the brink of tears for no apparent reason.

It's a really sad experience. One of my friends whom I go rock-climbing with is a doctor, and we're meeting Sunday over coffee to talk about medicinal options to treat my depression. I'm tired of trying to drown the depression in writing, or dreaming, or smoking.

I was depressed for about three years when I was in Jr. High, and that was not a pleasant experience. I have many friends behind me who are going to help me through this. For anyone who has experienced depression--real depression--you know what it's like; for those who have not, let me tell you--and you believe me--that it is a taste of hell.

So if I've seemed different, that's why. Hopefully things will be getting better, though. That's all I have to say right now.