People have been noticing that I've been different this semester. "You're not yourself," they tell me. "What's wrong?" they ask. They're onto something. My heritage is one littered with cases of depression. At about age 20 the depression begins to hit pretty hard, and it's beginning to consume me.
I don't have the energy to do anything.
I don't have the desire to laugh.
I don't have the willpower to be myself.
I find myself often on the brink of tears for no apparent reason.
It's a really sad experience. One of my friends whom I go rock-climbing with is a doctor, and we're meeting Sunday over coffee to talk about medicinal options to treat my depression. I'm tired of trying to drown the depression in writing, or dreaming, or smoking.
I was depressed for about three years when I was in Jr. High, and that was not a pleasant experience. I have many friends behind me who are going to help me through this. For anyone who has experienced depression--real depression--you know what it's like; for those who have not, let me tell you--and you believe me--that it is a taste of hell.
So if I've seemed different, that's why. Hopefully things will be getting better, though. That's all I have to say right now.
5 comments:
As someone who suffers from and has been treated for depression, let me tell you that some will try to convince us that we get depressed because we do not have enough faith or we are not serious about our relationship with Christ. This is crap. Depression has very real chemical causes. There are really two ways to treat depression: medicine and therapy. Both are very good and I recommend them. Sure you might feel better if your faith is stronger, but your faith will not change a chemical imbalance. Definitely grow in your faith, but seek treatment options as well.
Anthony
Just know that you aren't alone. I have felt the exact same feelings you have. It's not fun. Luckily I have a doctor who understood my symptoms and told me that it's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Mike is right. There is a chemical or hormonal imbalance that triggers it alot of times. You have family and friends who know how you feel and are here for you. I am praying for you Anthony. I'm glad you're taking steps to get help.
We're behind you all the way!! Thanks for making the step to get help!! Love, Mom
It;s cause im not around you....:) I miss you man! I hope everything goes better for you. Pray for me please and I will pray for you.
Have you ever tried Biblical Counseling? I would try that before I started taking any medicine. Keep your eyes on God and not the Doctor's:)
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