excited, nervous, scared

I originally planned on moving to Cincinnati at the end of the summer. It looks like that’ll be happening quite sooner (i.e. really soon: like a week). A few weeks ago I interviewed for a position with Tazza Mia, a top-notch coffee shop located in the Cincinnati area. I didn’t get the job, and that was sort of a letdown, but oh well. A few days ago, the owner calls me and asks if I’m interested. “Absolutely.” Things didn’t work out with the original guy, and since I was the obvious best choice of all the candidates (passed over because, in a sense, I was too qualified), he offered me full-time, pay higher than I have now, and immediate starting. He then asked if I still lived “up north,” I said yes, and he suggested a three-day trial run in the position to see if I liked it; and if I like it, the job’s mine. That was far better of a deal, because I wouldn’t get stuck somewhere awful (if that were the case) and so I wouldn’t be plunging headfirst into this without knowing all it entails. I talked to my current boss, and she gave me a three-day stretch off when I can get down there and go through a couple shifts. I’ll be in Cincinnati that entire time, not commuting from Dayton, and so I’ll get a “real feel” for how it’ll be. I conveyed this to my (future) roommates, and they were quite exuberant. To quote Mandy: “OMFG, OMFG, OMFG, yes, yes, yes!” I told Carly about it (one of my closest friends here), and she’s excited (she plans on moving down to Cincinnati at the end of autumn, anyways). I told Jess and Faith, and they were both shocked that it could happen so soon. As an aside: I really do feel bad for not being able to give more notice, but this is a complex situation, and so that route couldn’t be walked; also, this is possibly the worst possible timing for our store, as a handful of other people are soon out the door and we’re already down-staffed four employees. As much as the timing and situation sucks, it won’t keep me from missing out on this potentially awesome gig.

So how am I feeling? Excited. Nervous. Scared. Not conflicted (this is something I really want to do). I’m excited about the move, excited about getting back down to Cincinnati, excited about being around the people I love the most. I’m excited about all the fun things to do down there, and doing them with people I value as true and lasting friends. I’m excited about a better-paying job with better hours, excited about being part of something unique and original and expanding as opposed to being with a company as vast as Starbucks. I’m nervous about how difficult the transition will be, how I’ll have to alter some things about my life, nervous about how it’ll affect things back here (not least of all my relationship with “the girl”). I’m scared that this may end up backfiring in my face, becoming a worse situation than I have here in Dayton. I easily succumb to paranoia, and my imagination treads dark waters of speculation and conjecture, so I seek to dispel these thoughts. Besides, I’ll be in the same town (hell, eventually, the same house) as my little sister, my best friend. It’s really quite overwhelming to think that this will be something involving the entire restructuring of my life, rebuilding myself in a different arena. The move won’t be difficult (I moved out of the Lehman House in a single day, and I’m minimalistic at this point in life, so I don’t need many “things”); but the changing of the scenery, the dissolution of my job at Starbucks, etc. can be lots to digest. Usually one would have time to process all this over an extended period of time; I’ve got exactly a week. Don’t think this means I’m conflicted: again, I’m not—I really want to do this and really cannot wait till it becomes reality. It’s just not something small, and treating it as such (for someone with my personality type) is impossible.

All that said, this next week or two will be insanely busy. I work through Monday, will be doing a trial-run at Tazza Mia Tuesday through Thursday, and then will most likely be working next weekend. If I decide to move down there, I’ll have to cut cords with my current place-of-employment (an extremely difficult task, as I love the job and the people I work with), move down to Cincinnati, and be ready-to-go Monday for another five-day stretch. Will I be exhausted? Yes. Will you be seeing lots of updates on here? Probably not. We’ll see how all this pans out.