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| Carakiller, from The Future is Wild |
Monday. Chris, Lee, Bryon and I spent the night at Dewenter's, and come morning I ran Chris home. The My Jeep was making funny noises. Bryon left early, wanted to spend some time with Erika. I burned some incense, played PS2, took a shower, and watched Con Air. I worshiped with some incense and candles to set the mood, spilled my heart out to God: I'm lonely, wanting more real friends; I'm aching for a girlfriend and feel worthless and shunned, like I've been screwed over in every way possible. I feel torn and alone, unwanted and uncared for, especially at 412. But there is joy: joy in God's forgiveness, joy in knowing that Jesus will always be there. Jesus stands beside me; he holds me when I'm weak, he cries when I cry. He's angry at the injustice and fakeness buried under the skin at 412. There's joy that Jesus is on my side, the side of truth. ["Are you kidding me, Anth?"] I feel God telling me, "Hey! You are no accident! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! I make no mistakes! You are here because I put you here; you are here to suffer; and you suffer to stop suffering!"
Tuesday. I lied around all day, watched The Negotiator. Dad took us out to eat at Fazoli's, because Olive Garden was too crowded. Dad used a "shortcut" to get us there, but I'm pretty sure he was lost. Afterwards we went to the Family Christian Bookstore, where Michelle works, and I got a book called John: In contemporary Language, and Debbie and Lee came into the store at the same time as us. I spent the night at Chris and Lee's, and we watched an evolutionary propaganda dogma on TV, The Future is Wild, and we made fun of it all night! Evolution is a joke! Chris walked in on me when I was pooping--his ace and mine were hilarious. I crashed on Lee's floor.
New Year's Eve. We woke up around 11:00, watched TV and ate breakfast and played N64, and we had Penn Station for dinner. Someone imitated Pat D. online and tried to ruin his relationship with Ashley! We wanted to celebrate the New Year's by ourselves at my place, but Mom said No. So we went to the New Year's Eve party at the Stevens'. I played POD against Bowden and Lee, and I lost both times. Dewenter said I sucked as much as he did. Corey Stevens attacked me; I laughingly strangled him until he could barely breathe, then bashed his nuts into a pole. He decided to stop messing with me after that. The girls were talking in the corner, and someone said "... kiss Anthony..." and several passes of "Ewww..." and "Gross..." spread 'round the group. That felt pretty awesome. I bet God is mad at stuff like this, too.
New Year's Day. I'm no fan of New Year's resolutions. Just more things to broken, and when it's broken, you feel terrible. Why not just skip the anguish and skip resolutions altogether? But I have something I do want to change, for several reasons. I want to lose weight, eat healthier, exercise, and try to get rid of my acne so that I'll hopefully not be socially ostracized. My plan involves eating healthy, running and biking or whatever every day. Dewenter and I went to Family Christian and got $10 bibles, and then we went to the Mall's shops Hot Topics & Nirvana. We went to Best Buy, but just ended up perusing. He got sick all of a sudden--numb and throwing up and stuff--so he went home, heartbroken because Ashley split up with him. Lee and I went to North Park, and Chris went on a date with Megan. When the date was over, Lee and I picked him up from the theater and went back to my place. We all have I.D.s from The Future is Wild: I'm a carakiller, Chris is a silver spider, Lee is a swampus, and Dewenter is a Toraton. We were up till 5 A.M. playing video games and watching movies. "How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?" "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." Yeah, we watched The Usual Suspects.
Friday. I took Chris and Lee home and got ready for work: 4-9:00 at Springboro I.G.A. I burned some music by Dashboard Confessional, John Reuben, Dave Matthews, and Brand New. Dewenter says he's feeling better about the whole Ashley thing. I saw Chris, him, and Pat D. when they came through I.G.A. They were buying soap to dump all over Hague's car, and then some cheese to put on top. It was a slow day, and I have to work 9:30-3:00 tomorrow.
Saturday. Wave after wave after wave of rainstorms hammered down on all day, and I swore the store's windows were going to burst. The parking lot flooded and the air reeked of ozone. After work I got dinner from Gyro Palace and watched Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Chris and I went to Pat D.'s, and I traded him my Alvarez for his Schmick, two speakers, a blacklight, some potpourri, incense, a slingshot, and some more sweet stuff. ["Anthony, you idiot."]
Sunday. Today was the last day of Winter Break. After church Bryon, Corey and I went to the Dayton Mall, and I bought Corey lunch in the food court. We confessed to him that we'd made fun of him, distanced himself from him, the whole nine yards. We also scrutinized, criticized, and tried to imagine ideas to help eliminate or ease 5 problems with 412: cliques, ostracism of newcomers/those outside cliques, two-faced living with hypocrisy, gossip, and how it's a popularity fest. Chris and Bryon came over, and Chris shot me in the cheek with the slingshot I got from Pat d. I attacked him and he kicked me in the balls. Bryon tried holding him back, but Chris stabbed him three or four times in the leg and then darted out the front door and vanished. We looked everywhere for him, from 4:30 to 5:30, and then he called us from his house: "Bring me my coat and Lee's PS2 game." I just hung up on him, would do it later. Bryon left, and I fixed steak for supper. Dad suggested some recourse in regard to what Chris did, and I snapped back at him. He looked hurt, and I felt awful. But everything was okay: we closed out the night watching Bruce Almighty, and he fell asleep in my bed. I had school in the morning so I woke him up and said good night, and he shuffled off to bed and I did likewise.
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