Over the past several weeks, I have been studying the Pauline Epistles (the letters of Paul) in-depth. Last month I looked at his letter to the Galatians, and fell absolutely in love with "The Book of Freedom," as my college pal Rob calls it. I found it very eye-opening to what freedom in Christ really means (not license to do as we please, but the freedom to live a selfless, sacrificial, serving, humble, and all-encompassing loving life in a fallen world). Having finished Galatians, I didn't think Ephesians would be so fantastic. Yet I have fallen in love with Ephesians all over again! In my mind, Ephesians is one of the greatest works that shows us what the Kingdom-life looks like in our individual and community lives.
Throughout all of Paul's letters, especially Ephesians, Paul talks about something called the "Kingdom-life." It is, overall, a life of selflessness, a life of sacrifice, a life of agape love, a life of humility and servitude, a life of mercy, grace, forgiveness, compassion, and empathy. It is the Christ-like life. In Ephesians, he shows us what this Kingdom-life looked like in ancient Ephesus. As I read Ephesians, I can't help but feel my heart flutter. I can't help but long for this life, can't help but to embrace this life. I want the Kingdom-life in all its splendor! But at the same time, I experience a feeling of hopelessness and despair; for I know I will never be able to model the life Paul describes, the Kingdom-life, in its complete state. I will excel at some areas and fall at others. I will never (at least not in this lifetime) be able to fully live the Kingdom-life, no matter how hard and fast I pursue it.
Does God expect us to fulfill it completely? No. He's realistic. He knows that we are weak-willed creatures who are influenced by the flesh. He knows we are imperfect and still fighting the sinful nature. He knows, simply, that we are not Christ, even if His Spirit is within us. Paul knows this so very well. In his letter to Rome, he writes (the Message):
I'm full of myself--after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary... But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabatoging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time... It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. (14-23)
Paul shares in my emotions. He is in love with the Kingdom-life ("I truly delight in God's commands") but he can't live it out fully. He experiences the trauma of sin just as I do: tripping me up, getting the best of me when I least expect it, sabatoging the best of my intentions. Every morning I awake, confident about how I am going to go about my day; when I lie down at night, my sin stares me in the face. Sometimes only one or two sins stare me down, sometimes four or five; yet I always know that I sin far more than I know. The sin I most often remember is the sin that culminates in acts--acts of lust, acts of jealousy, acts of anger, acts of judgment. Yet I know that there are deeper sins within me that I cannot even begin to feel, sins in thoughts and attitudes, etc. I often feel like I am going nowhere, that my spiritual change is stale, that I am not trusting God enough. Sometimes I think (falsely) that if I were a "better Christian," then I would be free from sin. The truth is, everyone sins, rich and poor, high and low, everyone. As Paul's letter continues, we see Paul lamenting his own imperfect condition (I easily find myself in his position):
I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. (24-25)
Left to our own devices, we're screwed. It's a good thing the Judaizers Paul shot down in Galatians aren't right, because if they are, then no one's a part of the Kingdom. We're all so very imperfect. We are powerless to help ourselves; we've "tried everything and nothing helps." Yet Christ came, He showed us how life is meant to be lived, and He died a selfless death so that we could become a part of His Kingdom, imperfect as we are. The grace of Christ cleanses us; we are veiled in His righteousness (our own "righteousness" is as dirty as oil-stained washrags). Christ forgives our sin: the sin of the past, the sin of the present, the sin of the future. He welcomes us into His Kingdom! But He doesn't just leave us forgiven; He also changes us, ever so slowly. A year ago, I was very different from now. My intimacy with God wasn't as deep; I couldn't hear His voice as much; we weren't so close. Now I am more intimate with Him, I can hear His voice, and we're growing closer each day. Yet I still sin, even though I don't want to. And I will always sin.
So the question, then, is obvious: what do I do? I can't hope to be free of sin in this lifetime, so do I just say, "Screw it," throw in the keys, and live life however I want? No! Just because I know I am imperfect doesn't mean that I don't want to be perfect. I want to live the Kingdom-life, and I pursue it. I seek the Kingdom, as Christ calls us to do. Will I mess up? Heck yes. I will sin every day, in different ways. Over time, I will conquer some sin, only to find others that I didn't recognize flaring their colors.
If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins--make a clean breast of them--he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God--make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God. - 1 John 1:8-10 (the Message)
I pursue the Kingdom. I pursue God. I pursue a life of selfless, sacrifical, serving, and kind agape love. I make Christ the Lord of my life in the sense that I allow Him to guide me in all my affairs. Will I often not heed His guidance and do something contrary to His Way? Yes. But I confess my sin, I acknowledge my sin, and He cleanses me, and invites me to enter the Kingdom deeper and deeper. And at the same time, I do not look down on others for their sin, nor do I judge or condemn. I lovingly embrace in understanding, sharing their burdens, because I am no different. We pursue the Kingdom together.
Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. - Galatians 6:1-3 (the Message)
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