Sunday, January 22, 2006

I need to change so much. I know I need it. But it feels so... impossible. It's so huge. I don't know where to begin. I cry out to God, "I can't do this! I need Your divine help!" And He answers me:

"If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." - 2 Chronicles 7:14

God calls me to humble myself. Jesus said that the humble would be exalted, and the exalted would be humbled. Who is it that clings to God's heart? The humble!

"I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite." - Isaiah 57:15

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." - Psalm 51:17

God does not turn His face from the broken; He embraces them. He revives the spirit of the lowly, revives the heart of the broken. So I pray for brokenness. I pray that God will break me and send me to my knees in repentant sorrow. I pray not only for brokenness and inward and outward humility, but I pray also that He will come to me, embrace me, speak to me, convict me, change me, and lavish His rich love, grace, and mercy upon me. I know it is His will for me to become like Him, so I plead, "Your will be done!"

I see God's face. Christ said, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God." This is to be my pursuit: God's face. This is such a hard struggle for me, sapping my energy every day, every hour, every minute. In all I say and do, I seek His face. I put Him above all other desires, all other pursuits, all other dreams and hopes and aspirations. I seek the Kingdom; I live, think, breathe, walk, exist inside and be Kingdom. I live, think, and pray Kingdom. I seek His glory, His praise, and offer my life up as a sacrifice to Him.

And here is one of the hardest parts, where I need God's help so much: turn from my wicked ways. I am entrenched inside much iniquity. Escape seems to be the ultimate--and only!--freedom I desire from this enslavement. Christ commands us to abandon our wicked ways. Repentance may be a change of heart, but if this change of heart is a reality, then the fruit of repentance will show: and the fruit of repentance is a life transformed by God.

I fall at the feet of God and cry out for His help, cry out for His voice, and He answers me with 2 Chronicles 7:14. He has told me where to go: He has told me to live a lifestyle of humility as Christ is humble (Philippians 2:5-11); He has told me to live a lifestyle attuned to His will and seeking His face above all else; He has told me to abandon my wicked ways, to take up my cross, and follow Him. And He has promised me not just hope, but deliverance: He will hear me from Heaven; He will forgive my sin; He will heal my land.

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