Often, when the sun sets and the stars burn, I find myself twisting and turning in my bed, unable to sleep. Perhaps I'll head down to the kitchen to get a bite to eat, hoping that will bring me some relief. When that doesn't work, I might go outside for a smoke to clear my mind of all that bothers me. But so often, none of this helps, and I feel something--a voice--whispering: a whisper not so loud so as to demand my attention, but not too soft that I can easily ignore it. A whisper that reveals to me unrepentant sin in my life. A voice that tells me, "This isn't what I want for you. This isn't how I want you to live your life." A voice that spotlights how I am failing to reflect my status as God's child even when it comes to the big things. This voice of conviction--the quiet nudges of the Holy Spirit--comes to me often. It keeps me awake many nights, and more than once my dreams have been, in a sense, tormented. My bones ache, my joints swell, my veins drip with a venomous sore: something is not right in my life. This "something" isn't something mysterious; it's something I know very well. God continually urges me to repent, and I do so for a good while, but then I return to that sin again. I am so predictable! Ugh! It aggravates me to no end.
So here I am, on a sleepless Saturday night, a broken sinner in need of repentance, a child of God whose father is crying out, "Come jump into My arms!" I want to jump, but it's so difficult. He never said it would be easy. Is it possible? Yes. Anyone and everyone can do it--but it is for those who have the determination. Desire itself is inadequate when it comes to this, for desire will only get you so far. You must have the willpower and the determination to stick through the process of change.
On another sleepless Saturday night, I echo a refrain up to the heavens, and it is a refrain that I, as a broken and disheveled child of God, will cry out to my precious, caring Father many more times. Yet it is a prayer that finds itself woven into the fabric of my being, a prayer whose countenance resides in the innermost depths of my heart. It is a genuine prayer laced with great sincerity.
So here I am, on a sleepless Saturday night, a broken sinner in need of repentance, a child of God whose father is crying out, "Come jump into My arms!" I want to jump, but it's so difficult. He never said it would be easy. Is it possible? Yes. Anyone and everyone can do it--but it is for those who have the determination. Desire itself is inadequate when it comes to this, for desire will only get you so far. You must have the willpower and the determination to stick through the process of change.
On another sleepless Saturday night, I echo a refrain up to the heavens, and it is a refrain that I, as a broken and disheveled child of God, will cry out to my precious, caring Father many more times. Yet it is a prayer that finds itself woven into the fabric of my being, a prayer whose countenance resides in the innermost depths of my heart. It is a genuine prayer laced with great sincerity.
Adonai, please make Your presence known in my life once again. Please reveal to me Your desire for my life and how You wish me to serve You. I repent of my sins, both known and unknown, and I ask You to forgive me. Open my blinded eyes that I might see and know You better, and that I might see and know myself. I give myself to You fully, to Your work in the world, and to Your desire for my life. Please take hold of my life and guide it in the direction You will it to go. May my life be a continuous sacrifice, my lips dancing with praise, and my daily way of life a testament to Your grace, mercy, and transforming power. In Your Son's name, Amen.
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