My relationship with Courtney is the longest relationship I've been in.
My relationship with Sonja lasted a month.
My relationship with Julie lasted two weeks.
My relationship with Jessica lasted two and a half weeks.
So now tension is building within me, questions raging inside: "Is this relationship going to nose-dive like all the others, or is this one going to be different?" Our life experiences shape how we expect things to work out, and now I am beginning to fear that my relationship with Courtney will break apart soon. It's foolish. There have been no signs of this happening, though I make an effort to make signs out of nothing. I analyze every word, every action, every look in her eyes, trying to see if she is different than the rest.
I hope to God she is different than the rest. I hope to God that she finds a reason to stay with me. I am quite fearful, and being away from her at home doesn't help much. It's pathetic. So now I wait. I wait to see what will happen. I can't change the fear I have, but I can decide how I respond to it. I'm not going to let it take over. I'm not going to let it dictate me. In time, I believe, the fear shall pass, as Courtney and I grow closer. But right now, I am struggling to keep my head above the water.
My relationship with Sonja lasted a month.
My relationship with Julie lasted two weeks.
My relationship with Jessica lasted two and a half weeks.
So now tension is building within me, questions raging inside: "Is this relationship going to nose-dive like all the others, or is this one going to be different?" Our life experiences shape how we expect things to work out, and now I am beginning to fear that my relationship with Courtney will break apart soon. It's foolish. There have been no signs of this happening, though I make an effort to make signs out of nothing. I analyze every word, every action, every look in her eyes, trying to see if she is different than the rest.
I hope to God she is different than the rest. I hope to God that she finds a reason to stay with me. I am quite fearful, and being away from her at home doesn't help much. It's pathetic. So now I wait. I wait to see what will happen. I can't change the fear I have, but I can decide how I respond to it. I'm not going to let it take over. I'm not going to let it dictate me. In time, I believe, the fear shall pass, as Courtney and I grow closer. But right now, I am struggling to keep my head above the water.
No comments:
Post a Comment