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Ams and I hung out Monday, and I suggested we go to Jungle Jim's.
"Sure," she said. "What're you getting there?"
"I want to look at their honey," I said.
She eyed me. "Are you kidding?"
"No, I want to see their honey jars."
"Okay. That's weird, but we can do that."
I'm glad she humors me.
Yesterday I was offered a part-time youth ministry position. Unfortunately, it was seven hours away and didn't pay enough. The church position in eastern Kentucky I was hoping for didn't pan out; I tried getting a hold of them after they promised contacting me, but they've just ignored me. I'm assuming that means they're not interested. A church in northern Ohio has been contacting my references after I filled out a questionnaire a few weeks ago; that may be a good sign. Not this Sunday but two Sundays from now I'll be preaching at a church in eastern Ohio; I'm thinking I'll preach from Romans 8. Here's a paraphrase of the passage I'm contemplating using:
If you live your life animated by the flesh--namely, your fallen, corrupt nature--then your mind is focused on the matters of the flesh. But if you live your life animated by the Spirit--namely, God's indwelling presence--then your focus is on the work of the Spirit. A mind focused on the flesh is doomed to death, but a mind focused on the Spirit will find full life and complete peace. You see, a mind focused on the flesh is declaring war against God; it defies the authority of God's law and is incapable of following His path. So it is clear that God takes no pleasure in those who live oriented to the flesh.
[Romans 8.5-8, The Voice]
I wouldn't use The Voice of course; I prefer the ESV, NRSV, or NASB.
But I won't be a snob about it. I can even appreciate Eugene Peterson.
Just thinking about working in ministry gets me all excited.
It would be a nice change-of-pace from my usual weekends with the guys.
Don't get me wrong: I love the guys, but things have been frustrating as of late.
Sometimes working for a nonprofit really sucks. Not only do you get paid literally nothing and work wonky hours, but you also get zero benefits AND you get screwed over a lot. This past weekend I missed Tyler's wedding, and it looks like a four-day trip Dad and I planned may have to be postponed because I can't find anyone to cover my two little shifts. We've lost several people at the group home, and the organization isn't exactly stepping up their game and hiring anybody. Never mind that there's already a $250 non-refundable deposit on a cabin. I'm at the point where if I can't find anyone to cover my shifts two weeks out from the vacation, I'm just going to put in my two weeks. That may just be "hot talk" coming straight out of my frustration, but these days I wouldn't be surprised if I actually did it. But at the same time, if I start Grad School within the next month or two (which I hope to do), then my shifts with the nonprofit would be perfect, since there are downtimes when I could study and do homework. Hmmm...
There's a song that keeps coming on Christian radio.
And, surprisingly, I'm starting to actually like it.
At first I couldn't stand it, but it's grown on me.
Here are some of the lyrics:
God of mercy, sweet love of mine.
I have surrendered to Your design.
May this offering stretch across the skies,
and these Hallelujahs be multiplied.
Your love is like radiant diamonds
bursting inside us, we cannot contain.
Your love will surely come find us
like blazing wildfires singing Your name.
God of mercy, sweet love of mine.
I have surrendered to Your design.
May this offering stretch across the skies,
and these Hallelujahs be multiplied.
[Multiplied, Need to Breathe]
I love the line "surrendered to Your design." That about sums up what every day is like for me. I have to make a conscious effort just to surrender my future, my feelings, and my thoughts to God. He is the potter and I am the clay, and He's going to work in my life in such a way that He's glorified. I really wish His designs paralleled with mine, but I have to keep remembering that this life isn't about my desires, my aims, or my ambitions. I'm a slave to God; I've been ransomed, bought with a price; I don't belong to myself. God is determined to use me in a way that He sees fit, and each day I'm actively submitting to His designs rather than my own. It's a challenge sometimes, it really is; but in that surrender I'm finding peace, and joy, and hope. Best of all, I'm finding healing. There's a lot in my life that needs to be healed; I used to see the need for such healing as a black mark against me as a person. Then you start to realize that we all need healing, and we're all broken in myriad ways. Some peoples' brokenness is more evident than others; but brokenness is always there. God is all about healing us; that's the point of the cross, that lies at the heart of sanctification, and that's the main work of God's Spirit within us. Justification, liberating, redemption... All big words that have undertones of healing. I'm reminded of something I heard on the radio yesterday: "We are so obsessed with looking like Jesus that we subconsciously look down on those who look like they need Jesus." We are so afraid of our need for Christ being seen that we hide our brokenness, our insecurities, our weaknesses, and our struggles; and in our fear of being known, of being called-out as someone Just Like The Rest of Us, we propagate the myth that we are all quite okay, that "having it together" is the norm, and that struggling is an aberration in Christian life rather than something that is quite rightly to be expected.
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