The "job quest" for a ministry position hasn't been going well. I've applied at nearly seventy different churches with open positions, and even if I get interviews, they always choose someone with more experience, or someone who's married. "Oh, you're still single?" they ask. "Do you not want to get married or something?" My blood always starts to boil at those questions, and I just laugh and say I love the idea of marriage, but I haven't found anyone who sticks. I think it's a funny joke. But most churches want someone who's married, if not to fulfill the requirements of 1 Timothy, then to have an extra "helping hand" in children's ministry through the minister's wife.
I wonder why I wasted all that time and energy on such a useless degree. Part of me thinks maybe the answer is going to Grad School and getting my M.Div. or something along those lines; but shelling out $20,000 in the hopes of getting someone not to toss my resume in the junk drawer sounds like a foolish idea. Besides, most people who end up working in churches can't last more than a couple years before being overwhelmed by the responsibilities, pressures, and internal politics. Let's not forget that one of the biggest "marriage killers" within Christendom is ministry itself; perhaps for the good of my future wife and children I should avoid such entrapments. Don't get me wrong, I still like the enjoy of doing ministry, of preaching and teaching, and I'm still throwing out resumes and having interviews; but perhaps yet another "disappointment" in life can be avoided if I only look at the bright side. Perhaps God, in His great love for me, is keeping me from vocational ministry, because He knows how damaging it can be to the soul. Besides: I'm single, and not having anyone to come home to, a woman to support me and encourage me, after all the taxing hours and responsibilities that come with church life, could make ministry all the more draining.
I start asking myself, "Why did I go to C.C.U.?" The answer is simple, at least at first: "Because I wanted to do ministry." That's true. But it isn't what I wanted to do most. In my church, when people started talking about what colleges they were going to attend, anyone attending a religious college got extra applause. It was the devout thing to do. It was how you proved your mettle. No one recommended otherwise. No one asked, "Is that really what you want to do?" And I wish they had. I wish they would've told me, "You'd better be absolutely sure that's what you want to do with your life, because if you change your mind, a Bible college degree is practically worthless." The reality is that most employers don't see a bible college degree as anything of substance; they think it means you're either lazy or a fundamentalist, and though you may be neither, they still think that you came out of that institution doing little more than memorizing scripture. And scripture memorization doesn't translate into any substantial career. I wish someone would've told me that, and I wish someone would've suggested I pursue what I wanted most over something I wanted least. Yes, I wanted to do ministry, and I still do. I enjoy it. But when I graduated high school, what I wanted to do most was either pursue paleontology in South Dakota or become a history teacher. But because I was a Christian, and because I had given my life to Christ, I felt that to pursue either of those would be selfish and out-of-line with God's will for my life. Add on to all this the fact that people had told me all my life that they "felt" that God wanted me to be in ministry (in the same way that Mandy "felt" that God intended for us to be husband and wife), and there was a lot of pressure to pursue a bible degree. I wish I would've been more courageous and actually pursued what I wanted to do. I can't lie: I think that going to C.C.U. was a mistake, and if I could do it all over again, I would've gone elsewhere. But life is living, and learning, and adapting accordingly.
I start asking myself, "Why did I go to C.C.U.?" The answer is simple, at least at first: "Because I wanted to do ministry." That's true. But it isn't what I wanted to do most. In my church, when people started talking about what colleges they were going to attend, anyone attending a religious college got extra applause. It was the devout thing to do. It was how you proved your mettle. No one recommended otherwise. No one asked, "Is that really what you want to do?" And I wish they had. I wish they would've told me, "You'd better be absolutely sure that's what you want to do with your life, because if you change your mind, a Bible college degree is practically worthless." The reality is that most employers don't see a bible college degree as anything of substance; they think it means you're either lazy or a fundamentalist, and though you may be neither, they still think that you came out of that institution doing little more than memorizing scripture. And scripture memorization doesn't translate into any substantial career. I wish someone would've told me that, and I wish someone would've suggested I pursue what I wanted most over something I wanted least. Yes, I wanted to do ministry, and I still do. I enjoy it. But when I graduated high school, what I wanted to do most was either pursue paleontology in South Dakota or become a history teacher. But because I was a Christian, and because I had given my life to Christ, I felt that to pursue either of those would be selfish and out-of-line with God's will for my life. Add on to all this the fact that people had told me all my life that they "felt" that God wanted me to be in ministry (in the same way that Mandy "felt" that God intended for us to be husband and wife), and there was a lot of pressure to pursue a bible degree. I wish I would've been more courageous and actually pursued what I wanted to do. I can't lie: I think that going to C.C.U. was a mistake, and if I could do it all over again, I would've gone elsewhere. But life is living, and learning, and adapting accordingly.
If ministry doesn't pan out, what then?
I have a couple ideas, and I've been making phone calls.
I'm going to keep this one on the backburner for a little longer.
I don't want to make a fool out of myself, after all.
(I do that way too much on this blog, anyhow)
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