During Crank's Creek, Jimmy, Jeff and I were sitting in the eating area as the sun was going down beyond the mountains, and Jeff asked me, "Are you going to go become a monk on us?" I smiled and said, "I've actually thought about it several times." Sometimes I still do. I've written thoughts in journals, I've had conversations with friends, I've poured through books written by ancient and modern-day monks, monks from Germany to San Diego. Something inside me, perhaps something unnameable, makes my heart beat faster at the thought of becoming a monk. For me, everything (well, almost everything, the celibacy thing isn't that great) seems wonderful in the apple of my eye: a simple life, living by the fruit of your own hands, spending time developing friendships with other people and developing intimacy with God. A life all but void of stress and anxiety and worry, where you can begin to really feel the joy and fullment and satisfaction of Christ. Isn't it wonderful?
But I believe God has different plans for me, different desires for my life and future. He calls me to integrate these spiritual desires into my studies and eventual career as a servant of His. As I experience college, as I move throughout my life, I must figure out how to 'be a monk' in spirit and really develop my intimacy with God. How can a simple life focused on God and others, in that order, become paramount in my scholarly studies and in my career for which I prepare? How can I regularly come into the presence of the King in order to be transformed and drawn closer to Him as I study for tests, explore the anatomy of the human psyche, and drink coffee in the cafeteria? How can I be seen by others as having the spirit of a monk: a quiet and holy man whose primary love is God, following God others, and lastly himself? This is the life Christ calls us to: complete abandonment to Him, surrendering everything and following Him, trusting Him, walking His narrow Way.
But I believe God has different plans for me, different desires for my life and future. He calls me to integrate these spiritual desires into my studies and eventual career as a servant of His. As I experience college, as I move throughout my life, I must figure out how to 'be a monk' in spirit and really develop my intimacy with God. How can a simple life focused on God and others, in that order, become paramount in my scholarly studies and in my career for which I prepare? How can I regularly come into the presence of the King in order to be transformed and drawn closer to Him as I study for tests, explore the anatomy of the human psyche, and drink coffee in the cafeteria? How can I be seen by others as having the spirit of a monk: a quiet and holy man whose primary love is God, following God others, and lastly himself? This is the life Christ calls us to: complete abandonment to Him, surrendering everything and following Him, trusting Him, walking His narrow Way.
10 comments:
I love the thought:)
it seems to be that God wants us to be outward focused, as Christ was. it seems that monks tend to be self focused - only care about their own relationship with God
When I was going to college in Southern California, I had an encounter with God that was amazing and almost made me become a monk. Seriously. I was driving around in an area that I was not familiar with at all (the area around Azusa Pacific University), and I was asking God for direction (in my life, not directions to get out of there), and I ended up on a street that dead-ended right at a monastery. It was night, and the gate was closed, so I parked my car and slept in my car that night. When I woke up, a monk was opening up the gate, so I drove in and walked around for a couple of hours. They had the Stations of the Cross etched out in stone, it was pretty neat. Over the course of a couple of years, I probably spent a month at that monastery. I slept in a guest room, I ate with the monks (sometimes in silence, sometimes with laughter), and I look back at that time as a definitive milestone in my relationship with God.
A lot of times, however, we in mainstream America may become more outward-focused than inward-focused. I don't think we should be so outward-focused that we lose touch with ourselves, as can easily happen.
However, many modern monks balance the two out well. For instance, while they have times for personal one-on-one intimacy with God and in group settings with other monks, they will sometimes hold part-time jobs so they do not lose their outward focus.
Anth,
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I didn't realize that the monks would let you come and visit and check them out I think there needs to be balance... I can't imagine living your whole life holed up in a monastery I'm glad there are some who go out and hopefully share their faith I think they would have alot to offer in how to have a deep intimate relationship with Christ
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