Details of my up-and-coming missions trip into Australia next summer keep coming in (I've been doing lots of talking with our host, a wonderful girl named Natalie). We will be in Brisbane, Australia, twenty minutes from the city, twenty minutes from the beach, twenty minutes from the mountains, and twenty minutes from "the bush." The city is in the tropics; there are palm trees and palm fronds everywhere, which I love.

We will be spending most of our time doing missions-work in Brisbane with an organization caleld ccarewerx. The "scope" of what we'll be doing is huge: working with the poor, those who are enslaved to substances such as drugs and alcohol, and befriending and spending time with the men, women and children of the Muslim and Somali migrant communities. These communities have grown from people trying to escape the dangers of the Middle East; many of them have stories about their families being murdered and tortured in their homelands (it is sad that these broken-heared refugees are called terrorists by those who are obscenely ignorant). The poverty levels in Brisbane are not that extreme, however; most of our time will be working with substance abuse. I am excited about getting to know the people that are hosting us and the people we'll be working with; Natalie says that the people where she lives are really friendly and down-to-earth, not stuck-up and snobby like here in the United States.

We will spend lots of our down-time sight-seeing, hanging out, and going into "the bush." Since I'm a big wildlife guru, I kept asking Natalie all kinds of questions about "the bush." Apparently, the city dead-ends right into "the bush," and we'll be going for walks through "the bush." She says there are lots and lots of kangaroos in "the bush" (yes, I will put quotations around it everytime), so many that there are always dead kangaroos on the road after being hit by cars (I guess they're kind of like the Australian deer, in a sense). She said that birds will eat right out of your hand, and we can hold koala bears (which I'm stoked about). She showed me several pictures, and on the beach, dolphins will come right up to you as you wade into the water (when we're there, it's dolphin migration season, so there will be even more of them). Lets not forget about the sharks (such as the hammerhead and Great White) and the six most poisonous snakes in the world!

What will be doing for fun when we're not working or in "the bush"? Hanging out with the Aussies! Going to restaurants and coffee shops and bookstores, going sea-fishing on Natalie's family's boats, camping, and 4-wheeling out on the white sand beaches, maybe take the boat over to an island and have a picnic. Next summer should be overwhelmingly fun.

There are many things I wish to change about myself (be they physical, spiritual, mental, or emotional), but I so often feel chained to the past, unable to embrace anything new. I feel like I am drowning just beneath the surface of the water, shrieking for air while my flailing arms are able to break the surface, where my eyes can catch the sunlight coming down: absolute agony! Does anyone else feel this way, or is this unique to me? I look at my life and see all the things I want to change, and as I am contemplating how to go about the change, a quiet voice whispers in the back of my mind, "This is the hand life has dealt you. You cannot change it. You can only accept it and be content." Now, I don't know what I think about fate and destiny and all that (part of me believes in it, part of me doesn't; jury's still out), but I do believe that we do not have to just "accept" how we are with nothing more to look forward to than forced contentment!

This is why I love the Jena Malone movie "Confessions of an American Girl." In the movie, Jena Malone's character has one of the crappiest lives ever: her boyfriend uses and abuses her, her father treats her like dirt, her family is falling apart. It is entirely depressing; yet in the end, she and her family pack up and move to Florida to start a "new life." Sometimes I just want to uproot and move to Florida (in the figurative sense) to start life all over again. Well, maybe I can do this without actually leaving the state :).

P.S. Ashlie is such a pretty girl. She is the most beautiful I have ever seen. (Ashlie is sitting here and made me write this)

As I taught class yesterday, a realization hit me: the thought of simply teaching or preaching for the rest of my life absolutely terrifies me. I used to think that I wanted to be a teacher my entire life; now I think I am beginning to understand that my gift of being a good teacher (though yesterday's lesson was far from anything special!) is meant to fit into the scope of a larger context. In other words, teaching is to be one aspect of my life, not the primary role that I serve in the community of God. What this larger, perhaps even greater context is, I still don't know. I'm figuring it out as I travel the path of life.

One of my best friends Dylan and I went to Starbucks last night, drinking coffee and talking. Our conversation turned to the story of Elijah. Dylan said, "I relate to Elijah so much." I asked him why. He replied, "Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one left. I look around and see all these people who don't care about God, and I feel like I'm alone. I feel like I'm the only one who really runs after God." I said, "Yup, Elijah felt the same way." And then we looked at the end of Elijah's story, where God said, "There are lots and lots of people following Me; you are not alone." Good conversations over steaming house-blend coffee.

Today we are celebrating Pat Hague's birthday. We are going to Guitar Center, I.H.O.P., and then over to see X-Men 2. Later tonight I am going to 3rd Place (hopefully), then waking up early tomorrow for my first day of full-time work (six a.m. to 2 p.m. every day). I only work till Thursday, though; I am going to a wedding this weekend (it's one of my best friends' wedding!). Oh, and I've started running again. Three miles every other day (hopefully it will increase).

"Everything's so boring, everyone's so fake, everyone's so empty, and the world is so messed up." The cryptic echoes of Puddle of Mud refrain over and over within my head, dribbling down throughout the rest of my body, weighing heavy upon my heart. Yesterday as I sat and stared at everyone in the room, I felt a great weight come over me. I looked at their faces and felt a certain... emptiness. Life isn't meant to be this way. I dare to believe that a new way of life is possible, that things don't have to be this way. I am a dreamer, this I know. I look at the faces in the sea around me, and I see a host of diseases: futility, vanity, hopelessness, resignation. Again, I find myself unable to capitulate into words the feelings within me.

Most of my Junior High years were spent in loneliness. I had no close friends, and it was during this period of time that I turned to eating as a facility of solace; that did not work out so well (I am still wrestling out of the prison of self-indulgence). I thank God that He brought amazing people into my life; I am so blessed with such great friends, yet I know that there are those out there who do not experience friendship, those who suffer day and night because they do not experience the great joy of genuine friendship. I think of these people and my heart breaks; I know what it is like to be there, and (fueled by my own past), I want to reach into their lives and show them that friendship is possible, that friendship happens--and I want to experience their beauty and let them see for themselves that they are beautiful.

I don't know where my life is going. Australia? America? India? Who knows? I don't have a clue. We make plans and they change in an instant; nothing is certain in this life. Yet wherever I am, I want to experience true community. I am not meant to live in a place where true community is not felt; God has given me a taste of real community, I know it is possible, and I want to invite others into this community. I want to show people that God is not just concerned about our eternal destinations; He is also concerned with us living together in union.

If I am not married by the time I graduate, I want to start a community-house. I want to invite the people that no one cares about, invite them to come and stay for a while, to eat at my table and experience friendship. I want my preaching on Sunday to be only one aspect of my ministry. I want people to feel loved, I want people to feel open, I want people to let down their guards so that they can taste the beauty of community.

There is a restlessness within me; yet it is a restless that leads me to action, not to resignation.

I am not... made... to exist like this.

Yahweh, come. Please. Come.

Repentance is so hard.

I have nothing to say. I cannot put into words the... feeling... raging within my blood.

This just isn't right. I'm not supposed to be here.

re:discovering biblical love

In the American mainstream culture in which we live, love is most often seen as a loftier word for sex. The media does not help this view: from the radio to the television, from music artists to movies, the primary message is easy to decipher: “Pleasure is all that matters!”

This cultural love is far from the love that Christians are called to have for one another. Cultural love strips love—especially romantic love—of the fabric of commitment. Cultural love revolves around the self: true love is all about the fulfillment and comfort of the individual. Cultural love also tells us that love is mostly just a feeling we “fall into” against our control. At the center of these feelings is always me.

Why does the world have such a twisted view of love? At the Fall, the original design for love was forgotten; in its place, a “new” kind of “love” developed: a twisted, corrupted imitation with selfishness and self-gratification at the center.

The culture shows us sex and says, “This is love.” God shows us a cross and says, “This is love.”

Christ, in his life and actions and teachings, shows us what true, biblical love looks like. His teachings show us what life looked like before the Fall, and so his teachings about love show us the original design for love.

Christ shows us that true love is not about fulfilling the desires of the self. Rather, true love is for the glory of God and for the glory of others. True love is selfless: it gives without necessarily receiving, it sacrifices without necessarily being sacrificed for, and it dies to its needs and looks out for the good of others more than it looks out for itself.

Christ shows us that true love is more than a feeling; the scriptures clearly show us that Christ did not “feel” like going through all the suffering and agony starting in Gethsemane and culminating in the cross.

Christ shows us that true love is a choice, not something we just “fall into.” He teaches that our true love is shown when we choose to obey God and serve others.

The Apostle Paul, chosen by Christ to take the gospel to the non-Jews, wrote a beautiful description of love in 1 Corinthians 13. In ancient times, Corinth was famous for being a city of immorality. At one time, the Greek goddess Aphrodite had 1000 prostitutes at her temple. A slang word for prostitute, slut, or whore was “a Corinthian girl.” Grab a Bible and read Paul’s description of love in 1 Corinthians 13. This biblical love is selfless, sacrificial, serving, humble, and kind. When we look at Christ’s life and character, we see this kind of love.

Our fallen instincts desire the culture’s selfish, self-gratifying love (a twisted perversion that hurts us and others and gets no one anywhere). Our fallen instincts want nothing to do with the kind of love revealed in Christ. Yet Christians—the disciples of Christ—are called to imitate the love of Christ in all relationships. It is how we love that will set us apart from the world (John 13.35).

I am sitting here in Panera Bread, where I sat several months ago while writing a paper for one of my first college classes. Then I had a piece of bread to eat, nothing more; now I am eating an asiago-cheese bread Santa Fe turkey sandwich (and it's amazing). Tonight I am going to Brian's parsonage and will be commuting to and from school from there for the rest of the week. We are cooking out tonight, getting wedding clothes tomorrow, and then probably eating out Friday night (I will return home Friday or Saturday, I want to be back in time for the family gathering at our place).

Now, about this whole "Da Vinci" thing. Simply, I just don't care. I want to see the movie, because I like Tom Hanks, but I really don't care much about it. The way I see it, it poses a danger only to those who are so foolish to turn a fiction book and movie into nonfiction documentaries. Paleontologists didn't "freak out" when Jurassic Park hit the theaters, although there were several factual accuracies (Tyrannosaurus and Triceratops are Cretaceous dinosaurs, mind you). I am afraid many people have been turned off from Christianity by Christians screaming hellfire and brimstone over this movie (which I'm sure will be great).

What if we, as Christians, began to really embody the life that Jesus calls us to? This is what has been called the "white elephant" of the American Church: Christians not really embracing the way of life as set down by Jesus Christ. It is the white elephant, for it is very visible, but yet it is not acknowledged. It truds between our pews and onto our stages, but no one says a word, though everyone understands what is going on. As I stand on the mountain and look over the United States, what do I see, even in Christian households? To quote Ct. Cyprian, "[U]nder all roofs misery and selfishness." Why do we not embrace the life Jesus calls us to, the life of selflessness, the life of servitude, the life of sacrifice, the life of humility, the life of compassion and kindness and generosity, the life of godly love? Why do we continue in our lives of selfishness, greed, and indifference? If persecution were swarming the United States, how many of us Christians would be jailed? How many of us Christians would have enough evidence to convict us of really following Jesus?

Where did we miss the point that being a Christian is not about believing a certain doctrine or simply receiving by grace a "get-out-of-hell-free" ticket? Where did we miss the point that being a Christian is, at its heart, being a disciple of Jesus, being a student of Jesus, learning from him how to live in this world? Where have we missed the point that being a Christian is about being a new kind of person in the world: in a world of hate, Christians are a people of love; in a world of selfishness, Christians are a people who are selfless; in a world of greed, Christians are a people of generosity; in a world of indifference, Christians are a people who are caring, compassionate, and justice-hungry? Where have we missed the point that Jesus didn't just come to make bad people good, but to raise dead people to life, and this new life is one of the facets of the kingdom of God? It is a sad day when Christianity becomes a mere assent to belief, not a new way of life.

What if we really started following Jesus? I mean really following him? What if we adopted the way of life he set down--a life of selflessness, sacrifice, servitude, humility, kindness, and love--and really started living this new way of life in a world of selfishness, greed, and indifference? What if really started smoking what we're selling? I believe that if Christians throughout the United States really adopted as their own the way of life as set down by Christ's model for us and his teachings, two things would happen: first, the number of Christians would swell. This way of life--this Christian life--is adorable, beautiful, good, and coveted. Christians create a community within culture where love, generosity, forgiveness, acceptance, and belonging are paramount. Who cannot fall in love with such a community, and in doing so fall in love with the Master of the community, Christ?

I also believe persecution would intensify, whether it would be organized by the government or just extended from the hands and mouths of those opposed to the Christian life. History tells us that where Christ's way of life grows, persecution grows, too. Christ promised us this would happen, and I believe it is for one simple reason: the world is run by selfishness, greed, and indifference, and in our hearts we are selfish, greedy, and indifferent. Christians are overtaken by the Spirit and, over time, transformed. While at the beginning of being a Christian living out the Christian life may be very difficult, it will become easier as the Spirit of God transforms us. Those who are not Christians, however, are not transformed, and they look upon the Christians living the life of love, and they are filled with hatred. They revel in darkness and hate the light, and they try to destroy the light because it makes them uncomfortable (and thus persecution is born).

Open up your Bible. Read the words of Jesus. Let him guide your life. Really. Let him guide your life.

My summer class on O.T. Poetry began this morning; we talked about the psalms all day. The material holds my interest, which is good. One of my "classmates" is a girl named Jessica Ross; in October last year, I had a crush on her and made several advances, eventually freaking her out and landing flat on my face. I must confess that I am ashamed of how dumb, naive, and amateur I was. If freshman year taught me anything of... practical... value, it is this: "It is good to be single, and girls are not necessary." I made my advances on her when I was dying for a girl; I regret it all now. I'm not like that anymore. Anyhow, there is a slight atmosphere of tension between us, and it's all my fault. If only you could rewind the past and do things over again, you know? Oh well. I deserve it, such is life, and in a weird sense, it is pretty funny.

One of the psalms we looked at in class is Psalm 137. It seems very... out-of-place... in our scriptures (read it and find out why). It was written during the Babylonian captivity; can't you taste the bitterness and angst in the Israelites' weeping and cursing?

Alongside Babylon's rivers we sat on the banks; we cried and cried, remembering the good old days in Zion. Alongside the quaking aspens we stacked our unplayed harps; that's where our captors demanded songs, sarcastic and mocking: "Sing us a happy Zion song!"

Oh, how could we ever sing GOD's song in this wasteland? If I ever forget you, Jerusalem, let my fingers wither and fall off like leaves. Let my tongue swell and turn black if I fail to remember you, if I fail, O dear Jerusalem, to honor you as my greatest.

GOD, remember those Edomites, and remember the ruin of Jerusalem. That day they yelled out, "Wreck it, smash it to bits!" And you, Babylonians--ravagers! A reward to whoever gets back at you for all you've done to us; yes, a reward to the one who grabs your babies and smashes their heads on the rocks! (the Message)

Nate sent me this picture from his hometown. I guess if you lose yours (I assume it is common in his hometown), then you can just come here and buy a new one. And, apparently, they even come circumcised... And all for only $7.99 (plus tax, of course)! Wow. What a deal.

They meant to write "Fresh Cut Peonies", whatever those are.

the simple gospel

The gospel of Jesus Christ, while complex, is also very simple. Over the past several weeks I have been studying and thinking and praying in the hope of coming to a place where I can say, "Here is the gospel," and not have to sit down for forty-five minutes to explain it. While I believe that we will never totally understand the gospel (we can understand only that which God has revealed to us), I do believe that the gospel can be understood by anyone, even children. Not everyone has the desire or the patience to search out all of the intricacies of the gospel, and for them (and I am one of them!), a simple gospel is beautiful.

The gospel is really a story, beginning at the dawn of time billions of years ago and reaching into our lives now, and then extending even beyond eternity. God created mankind to live in an intimate dance with Himself, one another, and creation, but because of selfishness, greed, and indifference, this life that we are designed for (what the scriptures call "the glory of God") was lost. Now all of mankind swims in a sea of selfishness, greed, and indifference, in hostility against God, other people, and creation. God decided to make a nation for himself in the ancient world, a nation of Israelites, and He called these people His own. They were a very disobedient people, but yet through them God's plan for humanity began to unfold. Through the prophets He spoke a new kingdom that was coming, a kingdom that would involve God, mankind, and even creation.

When Jesus came some 2000-odd years ago, he taught us how to live in this kingdom (the rule of living in the kingdom is two-fold: love God and love other people), and he modeled this new life for us. His radical statements of this come and coming kingdom warranted him a death warrant, and he was crucified as a criminal. Because of this death, all who come to God in faith, confession, repentance and baptism become God's friends, and they become a part of His kingdom that is on earth now, though it will not be completed until Jesus' return.

Christians are those who have come to God in faith, confession, repentance and baptism. Christians have a new standing with God: they are His friends, not His enemies (the technical word for this is reconciliation). Christians are also Jesus' disciples: they follow Him, walking the road that He walked, a road of selfless, serving, sacrificial, humble, and kind love. Truly, Christians are a new kind of person in a world overrun by selfishness, greed, and indifference. Christians have a new life in Christ--they have been brought from the dead life of selfishness, greed, and indifference (sin) into a new life of love (the life found in God, a joyous and happy life)--and they are part of a new community, called the "Church." This is a community of forgiveness, acceptance, love, and belonging. Christians understand they do not have it all together, understand that they are sinners just like everyone else in need of grace and mercy just like everyone else. Christians, too, have a new future: instead of being separated from God, one another, and creation for all eternity (what we call Hell), they will now dwell with God, one another, and creation in a new universe (what we call Heaven).

So there's the simple gospel. It's intricacies are immense, but isn't it beautiful?

Over the past several posts, I have kept you in suspense over where my future may be going. Honestly, I've been slightly hesitant to write about it, for it seems too beautiful to be true. Maybe GOD has different plans for my life; all I know is that doors have been opening, one after another, creating a blueprint for the rest of my "college career", a blueprint stamped with this flag:

My friend Kyle and I were walking through the woods at Mount Echo, talking about where we'd like to go when we graduate. I told him I didn't know where I was going to go; I just wanted to get married, start a family, and preach/teach the gospel somewhere. He said he wanted to go to Australia; he then said, "Have you ever thought about Australia?" So I thought it through and went into his room a few days later. "Let's talk more about Australia." Thinking about being a incarnational-missional pastor over there made--makes!--my heart burn and blood smoke. We decided that we would do it (what do we have to lose?). Following our decision, our friend Heather--whose dream is to be a missionary, even in Australia--told us that we could go with her to Australia for three months next summer if we wanted to. We jumped on board; I've been talking to our host there (she lives twenty minutes from the beautiful Australian beach and twenty minutes from the countryside!).

So I am saving up money to go there for three months this summer for a missions excursion; also, I know for certain that I will be able to do my nine-month internship in Australia. Three of us have gathered together to begin preparing for Australia, this summer and following graduation. We want to plant a church somewhere in Brisbane or Sidney once we graduate (we should all be graduating in 2009).

Why do I feel called to Australia? Several reasons: 1) I feel called to Western civilization, and Australia is Western civilization; 2) I feel called to preach/teach in a place where the gospel message is distorted, ignored, or even opposed (Australia fits all three of these categories!); 3) I feel called to start a new church, and Australia is in dire need of church plants; 4) I feel called to the postmodern culture, and postmodernism is on the high rise in Australia; 5) I feel called to a place where Christianity is seen as irrelevent, and Australia is being swiftly overcome (like America) by materialism and indulgence; 6) I feel called to do this with a team of friends, and two of my friends and I are uniting together.

We have numerous contacts in Australia, and we each already have a place to stay if we go (did I mention it is a few minutes from the beach?). I have been talking to one of our contacts (she's an Aussie named Natalie), and she's really excited to have us over. I just need to save money for the plane ticket for my first trip over (though Natalie thinks she can get us funded as missionaries). This summer we hope to work with the poor of Brisbane, which is right where Natalie lives. She already does missions work there, and she says that the mission will be eager to have us join them.

People have a tendency to think that I'm not serious about this. I promise you, I am very serious. The days of my kidding around and dreaming without substance are over. This opportunity is reaching out to me, and I am reaching out to it. GOD willing, in four years I will be a Christian pastor in Australia, preparing to start a new church on the white-sand beaches.

One of my friends approached me and said, "GOD does not want you in Australia." How can you say this? "It is not GOD's will." And what is GOD's will? Don't the scriptures tell us that GOD's will for us is three-fold: believe in His Son Jesus Christ, pursue lives of holiness, and advance the kingdom? So how in going to Australia, where the need of the gospel is immense, am I violating the will of GOD? I sincerely believe that GOD has told me that He wants me in Australia. Besides, if GOD wants me somewhere else, I'll end up there--even if I have to be swallowed by a giant fish for it to happen!

"The last part of Ephesians focused more specifically on how the people of the church loved each other... [Paul] wrote about who the church should be in the world--Christ's body, the physical manifestation of God. When you think about it, that's a mind-blower. Just as surely as God put on a human form as Christ so that we could see Him, now the church is that body so that the world can still see God. If the church lived together the way that Paul describes in the Book of Ephesians, what a great reflection of God we would be." The Everyday Guide to the Bible, pp. 208

"Community" has been on my mind lately, especially what the community of God is supposed to look like (a community of love fleshed out in action in the world). I long for the kind of community described in the letter to the Christians in Ephesus. I long for this community, long for this connection between my brothers and sisters in Christ. At C.C.U., this connection was vibrant. I lived in a sweet community of people passionately seeking God and His kingdom, encouraging me to do the same, loving me and caring for me and sustaining me, carrying me through my trials and sorrows. This kind of community is so hard to find. I hope that one day I will be part of a community like the one Paul speaks of in Ephesus. Sadly, the truth is, because of the kind of people we humans are, this kind of community is so hard to experience.

Okay, one more hint towards where my future might lie; the location will be revealed tomorrow or later:

What does it mean to follow Jesus, to walk the road he walked, to be his disciple? Obviously it is obeying him--loving GOD and loving others. This is the core discipline of genuine, Christ-centered discipleship: simply loving GOD and loving other people. I think following Jesus means, amongst other things, embracing a new way of life, inwardly and outwardly, a way rooted in love. Being a follower or disciple of Jesus--being a Christian--isn't about believing a plethora of doctrine; rather, it is about being a student of Christ, an apprentice in the art of living, sitting under the Master Jesus, who mastered the art of living and gave us a taste of it in his poetic "sermon on the mount" (Mt 5-7). Being a Christian is about being a new kind of person in the world: a selfless, serving, sacrificial, humble, kind and caring person in a world overcome by selfishness, greed, and indifference.

Here's another "hint" regarding where my future may very well lie:

My second day of work went by well. The air felt cold and the wind picked up (it only rained once or twice), but we were working indoors most of the time. My job description is this: move boxes to and from the new and old buildings in the Springboro Community Schools district. I am on a team of five people; three of us are in high school and two of us are in college. The other college fellow, I forget his name, is a Junior at Georgetown.

With all of the schoolwork gone and time on my hands, I have returned to my favorite pasttime: writing. I am continuing work on my survey of the Pauline Epistles (started sometime last year, I believe!). Galatians and 1 & 2 Thessalonians are finished; I am going to study Romans 10 tonight (Romans is an amazing letter, but it's also amazingly difficult to piece together!). I am also hoping to write a book on the kingdom of GOD this summer, as well as a twelve-week Bible study on what it means to be a Christian. One of my friends and I might write a zombie-thriller; always got to have the horror genre thrown in somewhere, I guess.

A hint of where I might be next summer and during my internship (as well as possibly following graduation):

My cousin celebrated his Bar Mitzvah over the weekend, so my family and I drove to Maryland for the weekend. Maryland ranks high in my list of beautiful states. On Saturday I took a walk through the woods behind our hotel, and I sat down beside the lake and watched loons and geese and storks meandering over the sandbars. Although rain's been gracing its presence over the past several days, Saturday in Maryland was clear and sunny; I took a drive and admired all of the woodlands.

In the morning, we drove to Temple Isaiah, where my cousin had his Bar Mitzvah. I enjoyed the ceremony very much: the reading from the Hebrew scriptures flowed like poetry, and the Rabbi wore a constant, heartwarming smile. The people were very nice and accepting, despite the obvious religious differences (some orthodox Jews distanced themselves from the reform Jews, though they were welcoming to us Christians). The Jewish respect for the word of GOD is immense, yet I noticed over-and-over that they tried to find life through obeying the Mosaic Law. In their prayers, they kept reiterating, "For life is found in your Torah." It reminded me of the passage in John 5.39-40:

"You have your heads in your Bibles constantly because you think you'll find eternal life there. But you miss the forest for the trees. These Scriptures are all about me! And here I am, standing right before you, and you aren't willing to receive from me the life you say you want." (the Message)

I have some exciting news about my future to post here later this week. If things keep going the way they are going, I may be leaving America for a while.

Wednesday night, the girls' high school small group at Southwest Church invited me to teach them about heaven and hell. I thank GOD for the opportunity, just to get to know the girls a little better and practice teaching some more (and last night reminded me of how much I really do enjoy teaching!). I taught on the intermediate heaven and the "new heavens and new earth" (consummation); for the "new heavens and new earth", we looked at Isaiah 65.17-25 and discussed how the characteristics of the new creation are experienced now in Christ, and we speculated about how they would be fulfilled at consummation. We also discussed the two views held by most Christians regarding hell: eternal torment and eternal destruction (as of now, I am personally leaning towards a blend of the two).

I was extremely happy that not everyone agreed with me; one of the leaders played "devil's advocate," and apologized, but I am thankful she vocally expresses her own opinions. It helps me re:define what I believe, and it leads others to make their own opinions regarding issues that are not essential to the faith. It was fun to have differing opinions and to have them voiced. The Church is not a dictatorship; we are all gathering together to talk about things that are way over our heads. "In essentials, unity, and in non-essentials, liberty": the old quote I parade around quite frequently. I told the girls, "You don't have to believe everything I teach you. This is how I interpret the scriptures, this is my opinion. You can have your own opinions; I don't expect you to simply become a mirror of my own beliefs. Whether you believe we sleep when we die or go to an intermediate heaven before Christ's return, whether you believe in a new universe of space/time or a universe where there is no time, whether you believe we will have lives in heaven or we will just worship at GOD's feet for all eternity, none of this is essential. In essentials, we must hold unity; but in the non-essentials, different opinions are okay--even beautiful!" I didn't say it that elaborately, but that's the jist of it.

I wish that when I taught, the students would throw out objections, concerns, questions. I think that would be enriching not only for the rest of the class but for me as well. My opinions and views change as I gain more experience, more knowledge, and more faith. Although I may be a teacher of the gospel, it does not mean that I have it all figured out. We're all on a journey. We're all discovering our faith and discovering what it means to be a Christian with each passing day. May we lock hands and discover this journey together, living life with one another and embracing the differences in belief as not only necessary or okay, but as a beautiful aspect of the Body of Christ.

Ronald Rolheiser on "the kingdom of GOD"

With Christ there begins a radically new phase of history, almost as radical as that begun at the original creation. However, this new age, in which lamb and wolf will lie down together and in which we will be drawn to ecstatic union with God and each other, though already here, is not yet fully realized. It still needs to be brought to full completion. This will happen only when Christ returns in glory at the end of time. In the interim, in the time between Christ's resurrection and his return, we live in a time of tension between the already and not yet. We are already redeemed, already living in the Spirit, already raised from the dead, and already in radical community of life with God and each other. The kingdom of God is already here. However, it is not yet here in all its fullness. We are still awaiting full redemption, awaiting complete life in the Spirit, awaiting full resurrection, and awaiting full ecstatic community with God and each other.

We live in the end time, but in an interim phase of that period. Moreover, the phase in which we live is not characterized by complete fulfillment, but rather by tension. The old sage Qoheleth says, "There is a time for everything!" Our own time in salvation history is a time of partial fulfillment, a time of incompleteness, a time of waiting, a time of working, a time of pilgrimage and partial loneliness. We actually possess the new life, but possess it in faith, in hope, and in charity. Here we live in tension and incompleteness; having something, but not fully; living in hope, but having to hope against hope; living in faith, but having to gamble real life on seeming unreality; living in charity, but having to love and work unselfishly in the face of incompleteness and loneliness.

- from "The Restless Heart"

what is essential?

Last night Lindsey and I were studying in the coffee shop area when Michelle came in; she was waiting on Mike to finish class in the C.A.L.L. program. We only talked for a few moments, for I had to be responsible and study for my essay exam in the morning (which I finished about five minutes ago). We were talking about my exams, and when I mentioned that I loved Old Testament History, she said, "Oh, I didn't like that class at all when I was in college." I asked why, wondering if she just didn't find the Old Testament interesting (a lot of people don't, and more power to them!). She said, "The professor was one of those guys who always said, 'This is what you have to believe or you're going to Hell.'" Her words kept me thinking a lot last night.

As a proclaimer and teacher of the gospel, this is a weighty matter. I do not like anyone telling me what to believe, but at the same time I know that there are certain truths that must be taught as fact. When I teach, I often give opinions in class (opinions on issues such as what heaven/hell is like, how angels/demons interact with us, whether or not there are aliens, whether GOD used evolution or six-day creationism to create, etc.), but I always say, "This is my opinion." There come times, I believe, when I must say, "This is just how it is. You might not like it. I might not like it. But this is the message." Maybe not say it so bluntly, but say that in a nutshell. Jesus said the gospel message would offend; while we are careful not to be offensive ourselves, we must not count ourselves failures as GOD's ambassadors if the message we teach--the gospel that has the power to save--isn't met with applause and cheers.

So now the question becomes, "What is essential?" Some say, "Jesus alone is crucial." Others say, "Jesus and Jesus crucified is crucial." Others, "Jesus crucified and resurrected is crucial." My point is, everyone has a different idea of what is crucial to the gospel, what one must believe in order to experience salvation. As I sit here at the computer, I think that one can think that Hell is not real, that Jesus is not the only way, and that drunkenness is not a sin and still experience salvation. I guess I believe that salvation is found in Christ not through believing a certain doctrine, but by putting faith in Him and embracing Him in repentance and baptism.

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. - 1 Timothy 4.16

Me taking my exams. 'Nough said.

We are going through a series on Sunday mornings, looking at some facet's of GOD's character. Last week we talked about how GOD is a warrior; this week we talked about how GOD is kind, gentle, and caring. The story I used was the story of Elijah running from Jezebal and finding refuge in a mountain cave, then experiencing GOD on a whole new level. My closing sentiments went something like this: "To those who come to GOD in faith and repentance through Christ, they experience GOD's kindness, gentleness, peace, comfort, care, and understanding. Yet those who do not come to faith and repentance through Christ will experience the wrath and judgment of GOD." In our day-and-age, it's often not popular to talk about subjects such as GOD's wrath and judgment, not to mention Hell; yet GOD calls me to proclaim His message, and this is the message that He has given. It is a message of hope for those who embrace Him, but a message of futility to those who decide to write their own destinies.

As I was driving back to campus (two final exams tomorrow and one on Wednesday), I listened to one of David Crowder's earliest CD's, and it included the song "Every Move I Make." I've always found this song rather childish (I like the more contemplative songs), but I kept getting caught on the lyrics "waves of mercy, waves of grace." When I was younger, I was at the wave pool at King's Island, and I kept getting pulled under by the waves (I clung onto my mom for dear life and nearly took her down with me!). GOD's grace and mercy is not something that is sprinkled upon us; no, it comes on us like waves, knocking us over, drowning us in mercy and grace. We cannot fight against it, it is overpowering.

Last night a bunch of friends and I had an aerosoft-gun war in our neighborhood. I rocked them all with the machine-gun, even though the pistol hurts much worse (I've got mosquito-bite-sized bruises all over my chest and back). Today I went to Caleb's sister's birthday party. She really looks up to me (I don't know why) and has sort of a crush on me. Her mom told me, "I'm glad you came; she would've been so disappointed if you didn't show up!" I was the only boy at her birthday party of about twenty girls, but that's okay (I hung around with Caleb). Her fourteen-year-old friends kept staring at me and giggling, and it made me feel a little awkward. Caleb's mom said, "You and that Kristen girl look good together." A little weird, not gonna lie. I went back to Caleb's house, and he and his sister and I watched some Jeff Foxworthy.

I'm here on campus, it's about 8:00, and I need to make an outline of the kings after Solomon and write out my High School lesson for tomorrow (I already have all the material, I just need to bring it all together). Dad and I are going out to breakfast in the morning (he's running the Flying Pig), and then some friends and I are going to Fudd-Ruckers after church (I don't think I'm going to get anything, though).

I've realized how much debating wears me out. No wonder I left the Ooze so long ago. It's a tiring business, this business of theology. Everybody has different answers, and yet everybody has the right answers. While I obviously think my answers are right, I know they're probably not. It's like McLaren says in one of his books: "Discussing theology is a bunch of fools getting together to talk about things way over their heads, things they'll never understand." Quite humbling. So I just tell the stories and call people to embrace Yahweh in faith and repentance.

Life has been going very well lately. GOD has been bringing me butt-loads of money to help me survive these last few weeks before I start my new job (I will be on a moving team for Springboro Community Schools). I am also going to be teaching the high school Sunday gathering class. For the month of May, I'm doing a series on "the character of Yahweh", looking at stories from both the Old and New Testaments to discover GOD's innate character. I also want to spend a month going over the basics of the gospel. Sunday's lesson is on the quiet, gentle, and kind character of GOD as revealed to Elijah in the cave at Mt. Horeb and Jesus' kindness towards the children (for Jesus is Yahweh; when we confess Christ as Lord we are, if you look at the root of the Greek words, confessing him to be Yahweh). Next week is the wrath and chastisement of GOD as the manifestation of another facet of His character (justice). I am excited about this summer, though I will sorely miss my C.C.U. friends.

I am really considering going for a Master of Arts in Old Testament studies. Please pray that GOD will show me if this is what He wants me to do. With it I would be able to teach at private schools, public colleges, and private colleges, as well as be hired as a minister somewhere. My passion for the Old Testament intensifies with each day, and my passion for GOD grows likewise. I want people to connect with GOD and experience them in their ordinary, mundane--yet radical--lives. I need to decide soon so I can start taking classes (an Exodus class and beginning Hebrew).

You only have one life on this fallen earth. Don't waste it; make it count.

One love, one blood, one life
you've got to do what you should.
One life with each other,
sisters and brothers,
one life, but we're not the same.
We get to carry each other,
carry each other.
[We are] one.

I wake up, take a shower, and sit down at my computer. I hear the birds chirping outside. As I look through my open window with the morning sunlight streaming in, I see students making their way to the worship ministry building for chapel. I sit here and wait for Vinnie, because I'm taking him to get his car fixed near Wal-Mart. I enjoy the spring air coming in, and I look forward to a good lunch at the cafeteria followed by a good day at the ballpark with Brian (he bought us a pair of tickets to see the Reds game). Sitting here quite bored and listening to Todd Agnew's "Grace Like Rain," I can't help but look up to my bookshelf and feel slightly disoriented. I have countless books--books upon books!--on theology. It is all so wearying. How come we have taken something so simple as the gospel and transformed it into something so complicated? How come we have taken something that is revealed to children and to fools and made it impossible for the intellectual seminary student to get a handle on? I sometimes wonder if GOD looks at our libraries full of books on theology and shakes His head, thinking, "They've missed the point of what it means to follow Me, the point of what it means to be a Christian."

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now I'm found,
was blind but now I see so clearly.

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me.
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
and grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
the hour I first believed.

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me.
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away.

When we've been there ten thousand years,
bright shining as the sun,
we've no less days to sing Your praise
than when we first begun.

It takes more time than I've ever had
drains the life from me
makes me want to forget.
As you as I was
I felt older back then
more disciplined
stronger and certain
But I was scared to death of eternity.
I was saved by grace
but destroyed by naivety.

And now faith is replaced with a logic so cold.
I've disregarded what I was
now that I'm older
and I know much more than I did back then.
But the more I learn
the more I can't understand.
And I've become content with this life that I lead
where I drink too much and don't believe in much of anything.
And I lie to myself and say it's for the best.
We're moving forward but holding ourselves back.
And we're waiting on something that will never come.


---- Straylight Run, "It's for the Best"