Monday, September 22, 2008

a koalabeast sighting

On Friday night, September 19, 2008, something actually happened at Cincinnati Christian University. 

Dave Faust, the president of the university, says, “This is nothing new. It’s a piece of our past that we tried to hide, but now it’s returned.”

An emergency phone call signaled that the end of the sightings have not yet come:

Dispatcher: 911, state your emergency. Caller: Oh my God, I just saw something crawl out of the storm drain! It looked like… I can’t even begin to describe it… I was walking past, and it reached out for me, snarling! I took off running, and when I turned and looked behind me, it was wiggling its way out of the sewer drain! Dispatcher: Slow down, ma’am. Tell me your location. Caller: I was just walking to my car to go home, and… Dispatcher: Ma’am, what is your location? Caller: I’m at the Shell gas station on Glenway Avenue. Dispatcher: Is this where you saw this… thing? Caller: No. That was on the campus. Cincinnati Christian University.

Police were sent out to investigate the situation. Though nothing was found, it seemed that the case was dropped. Only recently has a private investigator uncovered the truth. This is not the first instance of such an occurrence. The case was handed over to a certain Kyle Arnold, an expert with the F.B.I. When contacted, Arnold had this to say: “We are encouraging everyone to carry on with their lives. While this situation is unsettling, we have no reason to suspect malice. This is not the first time this has happened, and we hope that there will be no more sightings.” When asked if he thinks the creature from the drain will make another appearance, Arnold said, “We can’t be sure of anything right now. But rest assured, we have a full team investigating this case.”

Brock Lusch, a security officer at the Christian campus, says, “Surveillance cameras have been given to the F.B.I. I have seen them myself.” We asked if a positive identification could be made on the creature inhabiting the sewer drains. “While the image is grainy,” he told us, “it seems that the creature is half koala… and half beast.”

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