Tuesday, November 16, 2004

I must admit I am feeling guilty for not showing up to go bowling with a friend for D-Group. Jeff says no one showed up. My friend worked Tuesdays, and I had no money, but yet I still feel guilty. I do agree that our D-Group needs to move away from just TALKING about being better Christians to BEING better Christians in our world. I think we should keep our eyes open for opportunities to be a loving presence in Springboro, Ohio, where we can just go out and help out and love on others without spending a dime (this is not selfishness, it is me being broke :-)).

In lighter news, I spent an hour and a half writing. I rarely ever get to write anymore, what with school and work and God and everything in between. Life is so hectic; I would say, "Save writing for later when life isn't so hectic," but it's working out to be more hectic everyday. As I'm not a big fan of nonfiction and short stories, I tend to write books - novels. My last grand one, an epic of a novel, was STARSEED, which my friends make fun of. I am working on one now called 36 HOURS. It is a blend of suspense, horror and thriller. I enjoy writing in those genres; they are the substance of my daydreams, and all too many times the substance of my nightmares :-). I can't help it though; I am plagued by a passion for writing. Maybe one of these days I will write something worth publishing?

I am exploring the book of Isaiah. It is wonderful stuff. God's potent love streams off the pages.


4 comments:

Rochelle said...

Keep following your passion for writing You have a gift and God will bless you Don't let your friends discourage you Someday I'll come to your book signing at Borders :)

Anonymous said...

this is my first time coming to your site, at my school someone said that you were an awesome christian and that i should read your blog. well this really doesnt have any thing to do with your post, but i have a question for you. every night i pray to God, i pray for my friends and their problems or worries, and i just pray for them in general, but i pray for myself also. i pray that God will bless me with friends i can be close with, and just to feel better and to not fall into depression so much. i have been praying for months now, and nothing has changed, sure i have friends, but not any who i can just hang out with. i dont really have a group of friends to just be close to. why hasnt God helped me? doesnt he care? i just dont understand why he wouldnt want me to have close friends.

darker than silence said...

Hey anonymous. I was in your shoes once about three years ago, so don't ever think you're alone. I don't have to imagine the nightmarish hell you go through day in and day out, in a world surrounded by people, but having nobody - i don't have to imagine it, because I've been there. So keep in mind this is no theologically correct answer; it is an answer from the heart, from someone who has tread both planes, the good and the bad.

I didn't have any really good friends. To be honest, I felt I had none. No one close - maybe parallel to what you're feeling now. I hungered for deep, close, passionate relationships with other people - the friends you hang out with day in and day out, friends who love you and care for you and never grow tired of you despite arguments and rants and bad days. Friends closer than a brother. I didn't have any of these. I was a Christian back then, and I prayed every night that God would rescue me with friends, would bring someone - ANYONE - into the light for me, someone who I could be real and passionate with. Nothing happened for THREE YEARS.

Then one day three guys decided they'd hang out with me. You may know them - Lee and Chris Williams, Pat Dewenter. They didn't really know me, and I didn't really know them. That was the beginning. These are the first real friendships I've ever been blessed with, the first three people who I could laugh with, joke with, even cry with. I feel God said, "You're not going to be alone anymore." But he didn't stop with three friends. More and more came. Those I knew but weren't friends with became close friends.

Now, three years later, my life is completely changed. I am so blessed that God has answered my prayers.

You ask why I'm telling you this, because it isn't a satisfactory answer, I know. I was always told "things will work out" but I never believed it. Every time I think about how God has blessed my life, I think of Job - he's a guy in the Old Testament.

He was a close and passionate follower of God, but for a lot of his life, his life SUCKED. It was worse than I've had it, and worse than you've had it. Check it out for yourself. This story hits close because God blessed him SO MUCH MORE THAN HE IMAGINED. God hears your prayers; he loves you; he wants you to have friends. Don't think he doesn't love you, because he does. And don't be convinced that because you don't have close friendships, God doesn't love you - he does. And don't think it won't ever change - it will.

No theological answers work here. Neither do philosophical answers. So I told you my own story; I hope you take it close to heart. Jesus didn't come just to forgive us our sins; he came to give us LIFE - he wants us to have real and awesome and fun-filled LIFE. And Jesus didn't come to create a new religion - he came to create a new society, a society of believers who are intimate and passionate and close with one another. That's what it's all about.

If you aren't a Christian, then know this - God loves you. He wants you to have the close friendships. If you aren't a Christian, I don't want to throw you off by saying 'come to our church,' so I'm not going to say that. But if you want these close relationships, look to the ones who have the best relationship - a relationship with the Creator.

I hope this helps. If you still want to talk, my AIM is dinoforensic858, and my email is ajbarnhart@yahoo.com

I will pray for you. Keep praying. He's listening.

Rochelle said...

Anonymous
I hope you take the advice of Chad and Anthony Don't be afraid to reach out to those who are reaching out to you True friendship is a give and take relationship It's a scary thing sometimes to open up your heart to others but with the right friends it's totally worth it
God does love you and he wants what's best for you Don't ever doubt that I'm praying for you I've been where you are and it hurts We would love to have you at 412 if you're not already coming there

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