Jessie showed me this quote by Mama T: "The success of love is in the loving--it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done." On Thursday I had a very much-needed conversation with a person who means so much to me. I told her not what she wanted to hear, but what she needed to hear. And she got upset, even though she told me, "It's what I needed to hear." What she does with such information is up to her. If she continues living the kind of life she's living, or whether she changes her life for the better, is not my responsibility. And last night as I was thinking about this--journaling, really--I came to the conclusion that the only person's life I can change is my own. I can prod others towards life-change, I can support others through life-change, I can even do things to promote life-change for others. But in the end, the person who has the control over what their lives look like, over the changes that do (or do not) take place, is the person themselves.
I shouldn't fret and worry about what she's going to do. Whether she's going to move forward or remain stagnant. Some say I care too much about her. But I can't help it. I want the best for her. I really do. I want to see her life amount to something. I want her to enjoy her life and not be stuck in misery. But if she's going to do that, she must make changes. Dr. House said, "Time changes nothing. Action changes things." If she wants a better life, if she hopes for a better life, then her life won't automatically get better. She'll need to make changes--difficult, seemingly impossible changes--in order for her life to change. And I know these are difficult changes and that the road of change is difficult for her, and a sort of complacency and disinterest in change, wallowing in the momentary misery, is a condition humanity suffers; and I don't want her to keep doing the same things, believing the same things, living the same way. But that's not up to me. I should instead focus on myself. Making changes to better my life. Making changes to change my attitude and perspective and outlook on life. Making changes to become the kind of person I want to be, and dare I say it, even the kind of person God wants me to be.
Her life is not in my hands.
If it gets better, that's not my responsibility.
If it gets worse, that's not my responsibility.
My life is, to a certain extent, in my hands.
And if I want things to get better, I can't just WANT it.
I can't even just HOPE for it.
I must CHANGE it.
I shouldn't fret and worry about what she's going to do. Whether she's going to move forward or remain stagnant. Some say I care too much about her. But I can't help it. I want the best for her. I really do. I want to see her life amount to something. I want her to enjoy her life and not be stuck in misery. But if she's going to do that, she must make changes. Dr. House said, "Time changes nothing. Action changes things." If she wants a better life, if she hopes for a better life, then her life won't automatically get better. She'll need to make changes--difficult, seemingly impossible changes--in order for her life to change. And I know these are difficult changes and that the road of change is difficult for her, and a sort of complacency and disinterest in change, wallowing in the momentary misery, is a condition humanity suffers; and I don't want her to keep doing the same things, believing the same things, living the same way. But that's not up to me. I should instead focus on myself. Making changes to better my life. Making changes to change my attitude and perspective and outlook on life. Making changes to become the kind of person I want to be, and dare I say it, even the kind of person God wants me to be.
Her life is not in my hands.
If it gets better, that's not my responsibility.
If it gets worse, that's not my responsibility.
My life is, to a certain extent, in my hands.
And if I want things to get better, I can't just WANT it.
I can't even just HOPE for it.
I must CHANGE it.
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