on cincinnati

I’ve hammered out most of the details regarding my move down to Cincinnati, except for one: finding a job. I’m not necessarily worried about this. I have an interview Tuesday for a food prep position at Tazza Mia. Even if I don’t get it, I still have plenty of time to look for other (and possibly higher-paying) full time jobs. Come the end of summer, if I don’t yet have a job down there, I’ll probably be transferring to one of the local Starbucks cafés; come autumn, employees tend to leave and full-time positions become available. All the stores down there which I’ve called report the same trend and encourage me to call back around that time. When I move down, I’ll be taking Hartman’s room, the Dungeon: it’s in the basement, quite small (like a monk’s quarters), and the rent’s dirt cheap. Come September or October, Amos and Blake will be leaving, so I’ll be moving into Blake’s room. Amanda will be moving into Amos’ room, and thus it’ll be me, Rob, Mandy, and Amanda sharing a place together (Tony’s leaving for Illinois at the end of the month; and Isaac may be moving in, though that’s unlikely). Right now, though, it all boils down to finding a job (and getting as much medical work done as I can now when I’m under Starbucks insurance).

I’m excited and optimistic about moving down to Cincinnati, though nervous, too. I don’t want my friendship with Jessica and Carly to be affected; and I’m not sure how the move down will affect the chances of me and “the girl” ending up together. I’ve created a comfortable little home here, and as much as I love change, I fear plunging into something not as good. This is doubtful, of course, because so many great people whom I love will be down in Cincinnati with me. But at the same time, there’s the nervousness, the questioning—“Is this really best? Will I regret this? How will this change my current state-of-affairs, for good or for ill?” These are all questions that have no answers, because the future is as of yet unwritten; nevertheless, these questions dance in my mind, but not with the effect of me turning my back on Cincinnati. No, I’m going, and I’m excited, and don’t let those nagging thoughts tell you that I don’t want to do this, because I do and more than anything.

Regarding the girl thing, things have been getting better. We’ve started hanging out again, and both of us have been settling in with one another quite comfortably. We’re at ease again, enjoying one another’s company, not letting the drama ruin our moments together, just being who we are with one another and enjoying every minute of it. It’s good to be back to that, and I’m pretty sure she flirted with me (knowingly or not) last time we hung out. I’m trying not to run with it, because I know she’s still figuring stuff out, and I don’t want to jump on the ship before it’s seaworthy. She’s said that she’s not concerned about me moving down to Cincinnati; it’s not that far away, and our friendship’s solid enough to withstand it. Who knows? Perhaps the move itself will be a catalyst moving us towards the “us” end-goal that I’ve been hoping for. I don’t really know, and ultimately I’m not too worried about it. There’s a certain liberation found in “just going with the flow,” “seeing how it pans out,” and “just letting things happen.” You’re not bound by your own resolve to manipulate circumstances or interpret everything through a certain set of lens. You’re freed from all the biggest anxieties whirling around the whole ordeal, able to breathe easily and freely in the knowledge that whatever happens, it’ll be all right. That’s something I’ve come to learn.