Monday. I woke around 9:00, had coffee with Blake, Amos, and Mandy. Ams and I headed back to Dayton around noon. She dropped me off at my car in the employee lot and then went to run errands. I went into the shop and smoked with Jess on her 10. Dylan came over and we took cameo shots taking bourbon and "accidentally" got drunk. We parted ways around 5:00, and I met up with Mom, Dad, & Ams at The Olive Garden for our one-day-late Mother's Day celebration.
Tuesday. I had four shots of espresso for breakfast. Jess finished her art project for work: a canvas painted with espresso. It looks pretty badass. I worked 2-9:00. It was crazy, especially until 5:00: 3-5:00 is Frappuccino Happy Hour. It's one step removed from hell (wouldn't that be purgatory?). Heat lightning peppered the horizon during my drive home. My cousin Jesse texted me: they're having a baby!
Wednesday. Lots of storms overnight followed by a breezing 6-12:00 with Carly and Jess. Jess and I shared lots of stories and laughter, and she bellied out with mention of my pointy "birthing hips." I call them "pelvic horns." I spent the evening hanging out with Carly: we went to her parents' condo, chilled outside in the sun with her mom and her sister Sammy. Carly told me, "I'm so PISSED at Jess! She likes you! She knows you two would be great together! But she won't let herself experience something great!" Dylan and I got Gyro Palace for dinner--a "Going Away Dinner"--and then went back to the house for Mario-Kart paired with Woodford Reserve.
Thursday. Hot. Humid. Rainy. I worked 6:30-3:30. Jess and Carly went out to eat for lunch, a super hush-hush event, and Cars told me they did a lot of talking about me. Really good talks. The freak-out is over. She calmed down, wrestled through the shit, and she told Carly, "I see potential with Anthony. I see a future there." She confessed to being drawn to me like a moth to light when she started working at Starbucks but turned a blind eye to it when she was promoted; but when I was dating Leah, she had to face the feelings surging up. She's seeing more and more the potential: her attraction to me isn't just because I'm cute and strong, it's due to "chemistry". Her attraction isn't surface-level, it's bone deep. She's attracted to me: my personality, my heart, my character, who-I-am. That's where the connection is. But as she relayed the conversation, it became clear: Jess is attracted to ME, but she's not so sure about my looks. Not that I'm unattractive: she's just into tall, husky, muscle-ripped guys.
Friday. I worked a long and tiring 6-2:30. I spent the day in a fog, tried to wrestle free of it with some coffee and Cat-time at Starbucks, but it didn't work. Shitty days come. Best to just sleep it off.
Saturday. I worked 2:30-Close, my last close for a while. And my last Happy Hour for the year, thank God. I worked with Carly, Kyle, Asenath, and closed with Danny and Abby. Jessica and I had plans, but she cancelled. It's what she does now. *SIGH* I hate this. I never should've said anything, I feel like I'm getting tossed to-and-fro because she has no idea what she wants. It's a tempting idea, to just call it off completely and ask for a damned transfer so I'm not around her anymore.
Sunday. I had the day off and went to Starbucks to work on revising "Reframing Repentance." Jess came and sat with me for a bit, good and casual talking. My car's radiator is hosed, leaking everywhere, smoking like a Gandalf pipe. I ordered a new radiator, hopefully it'll fix the problem.
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