the dayton days [69]

It's been a nice home. But maybe it's time to move on.

Monday. I worked 5:30-2:00. I spent the afternoon hanging out with Dylan, and come evening violent storms tore through, and I went on a drive through the storm, wearing my sepia sunglasses, the sirens wailing. The storm was beautiful and enchanting. I went to Caesar's Creek once the rains passed and the sun broke through the storm-clouds, and I smoked off the path and then went to work to see Carly. She was freaking out because of the storm. 

Tuesday. I worked 6-2:30 after another night of beautiful storms. I went to North Park when I got off and smoked at the hilltop where I used to gather with Chris, Lee, and Dewenter, and where I took Julie way back when. I spent a lot of time thinking about Jessica, her being hot-and-cold, me feeling powerless amidst it all, wanting to be with her so fucking bad but all her issues blocking me from what I want with her. I want to move down to Cincinnati, but Tazza Mia isn't hiring right now. So I thought about transferring down there, and gave lots of calls to Starbucks downtown and in the Cincinnati area. None are hiring at the moment, but they said to keep calling back.

Wednesday. I worked until 1:00. I told Faith about my plans to transfer. She wasn't happy about it but understood. Her first question was, "Have you told Jessica and Carly?" It's no secret we're all great friends, the envy of the store. I told Jess about it after work. "Maybe wait until July?" she asked. Both she and Carly expressed sadness over me leaving the store. "You're such a great barista, one of the best, if not the best, and it'll weaken our team because your friends with everyone, not least with us." I went to Caesar's Creek and then hung out with Dylan for the last time in 2 1/2 years, since he's going to Mozambique (though he said there's a chance he may be able to visit halfway through). We got salads at DLM, watched TV, played Mario-Kart, smoked on the front porch. I went to North Park when he left, some big-ass storms rolled through. I may have been in the path of a tornado? I told Jess about my close call, and she told me of her own: running into the basement to hide, and her cat lacerated her boob. "The bastard will die next time."

Thursday. I worked 6-1:00. Jess, Carly, and I hung out after work. Kyle wanted to join, but no one wanted that, so we made up an excuse and sent him on his way. Jess changed into a super hot outfit and we hit up DLM and went to Carly's apartment to hang out. At one point Carly was literally lying on top of me, our lips but inches apart, and she asked how I could keep myself from kissing someone as beautiful as her. I told her that she's indeed beautiful, but it's easy to resist, "because you do nothing for me." She said she's never seen such self-control. If only she really knew me! Carly noticed me and Jess flirting, especially Jess. Relaxed, finally in a good mood, and free of the confines of work, Jess let loose. She asked me to massage her feet, showed off the scratch on her upper breast, shared some playful and antic fights, and she rolled around on the ground giggling and stared me down with passionate eyes. She pretend fought with me, too. We went to get ice cream, and Cars asked Jess how she feels about me possibly going down to Cincinnati in the next month or so: "It's the same distance between Wilmington and Cincinnati as it between Wilmington and here, so it won't affect us much." We'll see.

Friday. I worked 7:30-3:30 and then went down to Cincinnati. Ams and I hung out at her apartment and got yogurt from Yagoot and dinner from Penn Station. We went to the Claypole House and smoked hookah with Rob & Amos and then went upstairs to hang out with Mandy, Ams, Gambill, and TJ. Mandy's friend from Soho, Jared, joined, too. Blake was gone so I slept in his bed. Oh: I have a job interview at Tazza Mia on Tuesday. Full-time food prep work. If I get it, I'll be golden.

Saturday. Dad and I got dinner at Applebee's. I just had a salad. He went to Setup at Southwest and I hung out on our back patio smoking and writing. I went by work to see Carly, but she'd traded shifts with Betsy and was in Cincinnati.

Sunday. Kyle & Vicki got married today. I made the 2 1/2 hour drive to the wedding, smoking in the car, such a nice drive. But I did get a sweltering headache. I served as an usher and sat with Josh & Mikaela, who're together now, through the reception. Usually at weddings I get depressed. Envious of the couple, sad at my own situation. I can count on my fingers the college friends of mine who aren't married or engaged. But tonight I wasn't. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't unhappy. I was apathetic. My cynicism prevents me from being moved at weddings like I used to be. The joy of those in love can't even break this stone-cold and calloused cynicism burrowed deep in my heart.