switch-foot ideas

I sit downstairs at the computer; my friends are shooting pool downstairs, some also kicking it back in my room, playing guitar. Amanda's friends are huddled in her room. We just got done with small groups, a teenage version of the "a-dult" Bible Study. Perhaps I'm wanting something untouchable; maybe I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time; or even possibly it's all in my head. I want a deeper walk with God, and I want to seriously dive into God with my friends. I find it odd, then, that the deepest discussions I've ever had on theology, mercy, love and grace of Jesus don't happen around a fire and reading from pamphlets, but in the Jeep, in Borders bookstores, in a messy room scattered with dirty clothes and crooked blinds. But how come, when we sit down to learn more about God and deepen relationships not just with God, but within ourselves, it's as if we tread water but don't go anywhere. I don't want to get into the nitty-gritty details, but tonight, small group just seemed WRONG for a host of reasons. When it was over, I crept up to my room, shut the door, turned off the lights, fell onto the bed, and just stared out the window, and mentally wept.

The leader of the group--let me call him "Mark"--entered in, somehow knowing I was there, sat down beside me, asked what was going on.

"I don't know, man," was all I could muster; it IS the truth. I still can't exactly say WHY it felt so wrong, except that it did. So I told him plainly. "Small group, man... It just felt wrong."

Mark said, "Yeah, I know."

I think now, perhaps the greatest place to grow close to God isn't in mixes of close friends and interpersonal friends. Maybe the best place is a place of complete comfort, honestly, accountability--a place where, if you cry, you have a shoulder; where, if you're lonely, you have someone who actually cares. Maybe I am expecting too much out of these groups; perhaps me and my friends all are. Maybe God has put us in this position, this dose of weak spiritual food Tuesday nights, to draw us to deeper and more meaningful relationships with the ones we're closest to. Yeah, I know, I ramble. Maybe I'm onto something. I have always found that God's wisdom isn't parallel with man's, and that his plans oftentimes definitely don't fit onto our schedule, or even squeeze into our pitiful, blank minds.