"Everything's so boring, everyone's so fake, everyone's so empty, and the world is so messed up." The cryptic echoes of Puddle of Mud refrain over and over within my head, dribbling down throughout the rest of my body, weighing heavy upon my heart. Yesterday as I sat and stared at everyone in the room, I felt a great weight come over me. I looked at their faces and felt a certain... emptiness. Life isn't meant to be this way. I dare to believe that a new way of life is possible, that things don't have to be this way. I am a dreamer, this I know. I look at the faces in the sea around me, and I see a host of diseases: futility, vanity, hopelessness, resignation. Again, I find myself unable to capitulate into words the feelings within me.
Most of my Junior High years were spent in loneliness. I had no close friends, and it was during this period of time that I turned to eating as a facility of solace; that did not work out so well (I am still wrestling out of the prison of self-indulgence). I thank God that He brought amazing people into my life; I am so blessed with such great friends, yet I know that there are those out there who do not experience friendship, those who suffer day and night because they do not experience the great joy of genuine friendship. I think of these people and my heart breaks; I know what it is like to be there, and (fueled by my own past), I want to reach into their lives and show them that friendship is possible, that friendship happens--and I want to experience their beauty and let them see for themselves that they are beautiful.
I don't know where my life is going. Australia? America? India? Who knows? I don't have a clue. We make plans and they change in an instant; nothing is certain in this life. Yet wherever I am, I want to experience true community. I am not meant to live in a place where true community is not felt; God has given me a taste of real community, I know it is possible, and I want to invite others into this community. I want to show people that God is not just concerned about our eternal destinations; He is also concerned with us living together in union.
If I am not married by the time I graduate, I want to start a community-house. I want to invite the people that no one cares about, invite them to come and stay for a while, to eat at my table and experience friendship. I want my preaching on Sunday to be only one aspect of my ministry. I want people to feel loved, I want people to feel open, I want people to let down their guards so that they can taste the beauty of community.
There is a restlessness within me; yet it is a restless that leads me to action, not to resignation.
Most of my Junior High years were spent in loneliness. I had no close friends, and it was during this period of time that I turned to eating as a facility of solace; that did not work out so well (I am still wrestling out of the prison of self-indulgence). I thank God that He brought amazing people into my life; I am so blessed with such great friends, yet I know that there are those out there who do not experience friendship, those who suffer day and night because they do not experience the great joy of genuine friendship. I think of these people and my heart breaks; I know what it is like to be there, and (fueled by my own past), I want to reach into their lives and show them that friendship is possible, that friendship happens--and I want to experience their beauty and let them see for themselves that they are beautiful.
I don't know where my life is going. Australia? America? India? Who knows? I don't have a clue. We make plans and they change in an instant; nothing is certain in this life. Yet wherever I am, I want to experience true community. I am not meant to live in a place where true community is not felt; God has given me a taste of real community, I know it is possible, and I want to invite others into this community. I want to show people that God is not just concerned about our eternal destinations; He is also concerned with us living together in union.
If I am not married by the time I graduate, I want to start a community-house. I want to invite the people that no one cares about, invite them to come and stay for a while, to eat at my table and experience friendship. I want my preaching on Sunday to be only one aspect of my ministry. I want people to feel loved, I want people to feel open, I want people to let down their guards so that they can taste the beauty of community.
There is a restlessness within me; yet it is a restless that leads me to action, not to resignation.
4 comments:
It sounds like God's working on your heart...your hands and feet just need to follow :) Come to 3rd Place..that's where I feel accepted and can let my guard down and fill back up for the week
I plan on coming soon... Life's been so busy lately...
I think it's more culture-shock going on with me than anything else. I experienced the community at college, and I miss that community (though with Ams and Ash I do experience it). *sigh*
yeah i understand i think tyler and kristen feel the same way we're doing worship tomorrow ..i know mike would love to have you there
Friendship is something beautiful, something you shouldn't give up easily. Something in life to hold on to. Friendschip is something you give and get in return, it's not something you have. That's the beauty of it.
You say you have so much plans, I can see you have beautiful thoughts and I hear you are blessed with good friends, so your life is definetly not empty.
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