Saturday, December 09, 2006

Emily and I sat on the hill overlooking the city, bundled up to fight off the December cold. "When God sends the trials," she told me, "He sends them all at once." A quiet chuckle dripped from my lips; "Yeah. That's for sure." These trials reveal things about us that may have been hidden. Does God send these trials so that He can just point out our faults with a flashlight? No, He sends these trials so that He can reveal to us our faults so that we can make changes in our lives. Trials are a bittersweet reality.

Thursday night I just sat on my bed and opened my Bible. "God, please just give me something that I need to hear." I opened to a passage in 2 Corinthians 4: "We are hard-pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but we trust that God knows what He is doing. Our very lives are in danger, but we are never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we get right back to our feet again." Encouraging, eh?

Last night I had multiple conversations with many different people from school. Many are going through the same exact thing I am. My dad went through a hard breakup when he was a sophomore in college, and he can identify with my suffering. Everything worked out for him (obviously). I am doing my best to not lose hope. I am doing my best to keep hope alive. Even when it seems like all hope is lost, I am putting my trust in God. "I have no idea what's going on or why this is happening to me, but I'm going to dare to believe that you know what you're doing!"

Here are the beautiful words of Liz Curtis Higgs on what it means to "fear God":

There are two kinds of fear. The sort that stops us in our tracks, turns our hands to ice, makes our hearts thump in our chests. Frightening, numbing fear. And the sort that bows our heads, drops us to our knees, and reminds us who is in charge and who is not. Reverent, awestruck fear.

I find those words interesting. Christmas Break begins next week. I have three finals and a paper to write on Elijah, plus a 3:30-6:00 closing shift at the coffee shop on Thursday. All is well, though. This semester has been a very difficult one. I wish I could go back to the beginning and avoid some things altogether. Heck, I wish I could go back to the beginning of summer and begin preparing for this semester! It started off grand and beautiful, but things went to hell as much as they could. I believe that God will restore me if I stay faithful, and I believe He will do it in a way that is bigger and better than I could possibly expect.

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