It's been a pretty good summer. I've done lots of reading, lots of writing, have enjoyed working at Starbucks and am sure I will continue to enjoy it. I haven't lost as much weight as I would've liked (only 'bout ten pounds, but I'm working on that). My car's continued to atrophy, falling apart in various ways. Today when I left work, I found my front tire flat. I just sighed and fixed it. These things don't even affect me anymore.
This summer, too, I "dated" two girls and then "broke their hearts" (it's not like I drove a knife into their hearts; it's more akin to disappointing them when I decided I didn't want to date). Tyler also "broke a heart" this summer, and we talked about it the other night. Maybe we're commitophobes, or maybe we just enjoy being single. But I think more of it is that there are still some issues I need to work through following Courtney. Sure, it was many, many years ago; and, sure, I don't ever think about her anymore or dream about her anymore (I kept dreaming about her long after I stopped thinking about her). But the whole situation, which was FUBAR to the nth-degree, still affects me to this day, I think. In some ways it affects me positively; in others, negatively. It's these negative things I need to work on. But working on these things isn't like "losing weight" or "writing a book", things one can easily do if he puts his mind to it and disciplines himself. Working through these issues is a hard thing to do, because (1) I don't know what these issues are, and (2) as with all things psychological, the brain can use all sorts of tactics to keep you from really doing what you want. Unable to understand what's wrong with me, and thus being unable to really diagnose the problem, how do I know which kind of treatment to embrace? I think the obvious answer is to let God, who searches hearts and knows hearts even when we do not, deal with it. And I don't mean that in the supra-Christian way. I mean it in the sense that I want God to heal me in these hidden, subconscious areas so that my actions and decisions are not goaded by them. I can't do it but he can. Of course, as with all "issues", sometimes they'll lie dormant to the point of dying; and sometimes, when someone comes into your life, those issues will be brought to the surface and slain right then and there.
Gah. Too much thinking. Right now I need to work out, clean my room, do some laundry, and fix dinner. Mom's High School Girls' bible study is here tonight so I need to fix my dinner, eat it, and clean the kitchen before they arrive in a couple hours. I'm thinking grilled chicken (or fish?) with grilled mushrooms.
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