It is in the gentle silence, with the windows open and the sun sinking behind the trees, that the desires come again. So often they are squandered and left to drown in a sea of busyness and relentless activity. Often they are forgotten in the hectic life in which we find ourselves in. But when we escape, when things quiet down, and when we are left with nature, God, and our own thoughts, we find that the desires are not dormant, but active and breathing. It is simply in the silence that their voice is heard, a soft whisper in the heart that draws our souls to ache.

Popularity, fame, wealth: none of this is my dream. I don't want recognition or applause. I want a simple life. I want friends who are pursuing Christ, I want a wife who I can talk to about anything and who will always be there for me and I for her, and I want children, and I want to watch them grow up and get married and have families of their own. I want to pastor at a small church, either with adults or kids, and I want to teach discipleship to Christ and bring the gospel message to light. I want to lead myself, my family, and others to experience and live Kingdom. A small house, a white picket fence, sleeping in on Saturdays and going to my kids' baseball games. Barbecues and parties and beautiful Sunday gatherings filled with laughter and love.

The Evil One always sows seeds of doubt, and I am pained at the thought: "What if this desire is never realized in flesh-and-blood, but is left forever to be an empty desire within me?" My prayers are laced with the groans of this desire, but no matter what, I will follow God, whether or not He brings this desire to completion in my own life. He is still my first and foremost Love, even if, sometimes, let me be honest, it doesn't seem like it.