At D-Group last night, I told the guys, "You all know how much I struggle with my romantic desires while having no one to romance. You all know how hard it is when those you empathized with move on to find romance, and you're still alone. You know how confused and bewildered I am much of the time--feeling like GOD is distant, seemingly apathetic, yet knowing otherwise. Recently I have 'given up' on girls, in the sense of abandoning always trying to get or find a girlfriend. One of my dreams for freshman year here was to finally have a girl whom I desire and who desires me; apparently, this is one dream that will not be fulfilled this year. Upon deciding to 'give up' and embrace 'let come what may,' I expected to be depressed. Yet now I feel liberated. My focus is drawing back upon GOD, and I am beginning to feel the presence, joy, and peace of Christ again. It makes me think, 'Why in the world did I ever make girls my primary concern?' Now, I know that there will still be suffering in the 'girl arena,' as I call it; but so far, the more I suffer, the more I really experience GOD, feeling His presence and hearing His voice. I don't know how to explain it; I just feel... so free. I feel... alive. You know?"

I was walking across campus and A.J. ran up to me. "So what's going on between you and Monica?" "Nothing," I told him. "Why do you ask?" "I was curious. I mean, you two are always together. We're at a Christian college, where that means you're going to get married." I'm not always around her; I hang out with her a lot, yeah, but I spend time with my brothers on 4N a lot, too. I told him, "I asked her on a date a little while ago, and she said yes, but then she said no because, according to her, she wasn't ready to date." I added with a chuckle, "That's okay by me. I mean, she bluntly say no to everyone else who hits on her--and she gets hit on a lot--but I got an original yes, so at least there's something to be happy about." Everyone is asking me about me and Monica. I don't see our relationship going anywhere; in all honesty, I still like her a little bit, but it's not infatuation or anything. She's a cool girl, but I think she just wants friendship, and she's a good friend.