This afternoon I finished reading The Restless Heart by Ronald Rolheiser. I believe I have discovered another Christian writer whose works I would like to collect; in my mind, he’s up there with my favorites: Dallas Willard and C.S. Lewis. In The Restless Heart, Rolheiser talks about the major types of loneliness, how loneliness is seen in the scripture, how loneliness can serve a positive force in our lives, and then he spends some time writing about practical steps one can take to help ease the pain of loneliness.

His words on the loneliness of “alienation” (being removed from intimacy with others) struck a chord within me. I am thankful for my intimacy with God, my family, and my multitude of friends, yet there is an intimacy I desire to partake in but yet have had no true opportunity to do so. Alienation is a loneliness that strikes everybody at different times in varying degrees. Rolheiser’s practical approach to this type of loneliness hinges upon one action we must take: risks.

Human beings are fearful creatures. The greatest force hindering humans from true intimacy with others is fear. Rolheiser says that humanity is “imprisoned” by a bad self-image, and we fear that we are unlovable, fear that others will reject us, fear that we are not good enough for intimacy. We are ashamed of our own bodies, ashamed of the dark corners of our minds, even ashamed of the people we are. Rolheiser’s words ring true with my own life: “We are not strong enough, or self-confident enough, or sure enough of our own lovableness to risk putting ourselves on the line. The fear of being rejected is so great within us that we would sooner not make ourselves available to love than to present ourselves openly and risk being rejected. We would sooner live in loneliness than risk getting hurt.” The simple solution to overcoming this fear is to risk more. He writes, “Only when we risk enough to let someone hurt us are we risking enough to let someone love us. When we make ourselves available enough to be hurt, we will finally be available enough to be truly loved. We must, despite fear and shame, and despite the fact that we might be rejected and hurt, reach out.” Rolheiser is realistic when it comes to taking risks: “It is risky to expose ourselves in friendship and love. At times we will make fools of ourselves, at times we will be rejected, and at times we will get hurt. However, most times our honesty and vulnerability will meet with acceptance, gratitude, and the counteroffer of a deeper friendship and a more satisfying intimacy.”