"Why am I here?"

This is a burning question. I believe in a general purpose for our lives (see: Rick Warren), and I also believe in a specific purpose for our lives. When we neglect these purposes, our lives ache; and we cannot engage in specific purposes without first engaging in the general purposes. I have The Purpose-Driven Life in my closet; but that book won't help me with the scalding question of God's specific purpose for me here in this life. I believe, however, that God has revealed to me over the years three specific purposes for my continued earthly existence (see: Dallas Willard, Hearing God):

1) To advance God's Kingdom through teaching and preaching

2) To be a living example of God's message

3) To be a good husband and a good father

To be cut-off from these purposes is to be, as God created us, incomplete. This feeling of incompletion--a feeling of suffering, akin to one losing a limb and not being able to function rightly in the world--is not due to any fault of God's, but rather to how He, in His wisdom and love, decided to design us.

Oftentimes I feel "unspiritual" for suffering with romantic desires. Many people tell me, "Get over it. It's no big deal." They even say, "Good Christians don't marry--instead they focus all of their intimacy on God." I want to kick these people in the balls and scream, "You don't understand!!!" I am beginning to realize that I am no more or less of a "good Christian" because I suffer. In fact, all of the great characters of the scripture--Job, David, Jeremiah, even Christ--suffered mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual anguish.

See, it's somewhat heretical: "Is God enough for me? Yes... and no." Yes, in the sense that salvation and life are found only in Him. No, in the sense that this is how He designed humanity. Many people say, "All we need is God--we're created only for Him." This is blatantly ignorant of the scriptures. We need God and others and creation--it is an echo of the pre-Fall world.

So as I sit here, I suffer. As I sit here, I feel incomplete. And as I sit here, I run after God, worship Him, serve Him, hope in Him, and trust Him.

Tomorrow's topic: "The American Dream"