losing teeth

Last night I dreamt that my teeth were falling out. It's been a recurrent dream. One of my old friends was big into dream symbolism and how our dreams could be reflections of our subconscious, so I decided to look it up. Apparently when a person dreams of losing teeth, it's a subconscious echo of how one feels powerless to effect change in life, a mixture of helplessness and vulnerability. Now, I give "dream symbolism" the same credibility I give the movie "Inception," but at the same time, that makes sense. I do feel powerless to effect change in my life. I feel cornered in a hole and, despite all my attempts to climb out, I can't seem to scale the wall. I make strides in life, and I do make changes, but when it comes to those things that're most important to me, all my efforts and all my striving have been sterile at the least. One of these "things" (there are more than one) is my pursuit of a wife. Not a mail-order Russian deal (or Hispanic deal, depending on your preferences), but eventually dating someone and falling in love (whatever that means) and building a family together. I've come close, eerily close, several times, but each time things have been demolished before my eyes, and I've been--here comes that key word--powerless to prevent it. Maybe the losing of my teeth isn't mere coincidence; over the last week or so, I'd been talking to a great girl named Jacquelynn, and we were going to go on a date but she called things off (for very legitimate reasons; I'm not upset at all), and maybe the feeling of powerlessness is surging through my veins once more. Carly and I went out for sushi the other day, and I told her, "It's so difficult to meet godly women." She reminded me again that there are more single Christian girls in the world than I know. But that old, nagging question remains--"What's the point?" Every time I get my hopes up, things fall apart. And I pray and I pray, and the answer that comes isn't "No" but "Maybe... Well, probably not." I get my hopes up, and then BAM! it's over. And to top it off, every time one of my friends ends up engaged--which seems to be happening more-and-more as all those folk I grew up with get married off--I feel like a knife is being plunged into my heart and wrenched about like a flopping fish (note: limit similes). I'm just rambling on here, and don't get the impression that I'm really depressed and sad all the time. I'm not. I have my moments, sure, but life is generally going pretty well. Okay. Now to do some writing. K bye.