the syro-ephraimitic war

In my studies of the prophet Isaiah, one of the crucial time periods is that of the Syro-Ephraimitic War. I find this to be a fascinating war, involving Judah (southern Israel) and Assyria verses Israel (northern Israel) and Syria. It is relatively ignored and unknown, so I've decided to write a little post about one of the most interesting wars in the Old Testament.

One of the less well-known wars in the Old Testament, it took place during the 8^th Century B.C., and the prophet Isaiah played a critical rule in (hoping) to guide Ahaz in right conduct in dealing with the war (Ahaz refused to follow God’s commands, given through Isaiah, so he had to suffer the fulfillment of the prophecy “Assyria shall come to the gates of Jerusalem” which took place during Hezekiah’s reign). and consequent tributes. ravaged, only left to the destiny of being totally overtaken by

Assyria was the world superpower, and Syria (a.k.a. Aram), Israel (a.k.a. Ephraim, after the primary Israelite tribe), and Judah were tributary nations to Assyria. King Rezin of Syria and King Pekah of Israel decide to get the heck out of Assyria’s clutches, but King Ahaz of Judah was loyal to Tiglath-Pileser III of Assyria. Rezin and Pekah demanded of Ahaz, “Join our coalition!” But King Ahaz refused. In retaliation, Syria and Israel sent troops into Judah in the attempt to reach Jerusalem, dispose Ahaz of the throne, and put in his place an anti-Assyrian ruler. Ahaz met the enemy armies, but Judah lost in the battle: 120,000 of her soldiers were killed, including Ahaz’s son and many important officials; many people were taken captive.

Two surrounding nations—Philistia and Edom—decided to take advantage of Judah’s lame state and began raiding the towns and villages. Desperate for help, Ahaz cried out to Assyria: “I’ve been loyal to you this whole time, and my nation is being raped!” Assyria agreed to help, but only for a price (Tiglath-Pileser III, the greedy man he was, placed high demands on the desperate King Ahaz): Ahaz had to pay him out of the Temple treasury, plus treasures from the Temple and consequent tributes.

Assyria kept on its word and attacked Syria and Israel, completely ravaging the lands. Tiglath-Pileser III showed no mercy on Syria and Judah; he employed such horrid tactics as laying prisoners down and skinning them alive, then placing them into the hot desert sands until they bled to death; “crucifying” men by running a pole beneath their bellies and enter their hearts; rubbing feces in women’s faces to degrade them as human beings; taking infants and dashing them against the stones; ripping open the wombs of pregnant women, killing their babies and letting the to-be mothers bleed to death. In Syria, of 514 towns none were left standing: the people were slaughtered or led into slavery, and the towns were burned to the ground (even the stones exploded in the fire!). The prisoners were stripped naked and led into slavery: they were chained up with a hook in their mouths and a hook in the soft parts of the buttock, and they cut off their ears and the soft parts of their noses to identify them as slaves in the Assyrian Empire.

The war ended with Israel ravaged, only left to the destiny of being totally overtaken by Assyria a few years later (in 722 B.C.). Assyria would try to take over Judah as well, but would fail, for Hezekiah would find favor in God's eyes and the Assyrian troops would be decimated overnight by a plague. King Sennacherib, ruler of Assyria, would flee to the capital city, Ninevah, and while worshipping the Assyrian god of agriculture (Nisroch), his two sons would sneak behind him and slay him.

"Preaching the Message in a Post-Modern World"

The church is losing its influence in the Western world. Church leaders are recognizing a depressing trend taking place within the church. People are becoming disenchanted with church. They are abandoning the church. The youth of our day are not stepping into our churches. Those within the church look just as much like those outside the church. Something has happened. Something is not right. Who is to blame? The pastor? The individual? The church communities? Who is the ultimate culprit? The gospel is drowning under the waves of culture, and no one knows whom to blame. The answer lies in the changing culture in which the Western world exists. The gospel message has been aimed at a Western culture that is dying, and the culture rising in its place is unaffected by the usual representations of the gospel message.

Culture is constantly changing. What is meant by the word “culture” how it is used in this essay? “Culture” refers to the general mindset of the overall scope of civilization. As civilization evolves, so does culture. As the world changes, culture changes alongside. Throughout the scope of written history (from the dawn of the Sumerian civilization to the scope of the Western world today), there have been three major “cultures.” As a general rule, many people share values and characteristics from all of these cultural mindsets, though the time period in which a person exists has a major impact on the overall emphasis of the person’s cultural mindset. The three major cycles of culture are pre-modernism, modernism, and the emerging post-modern culture.

Pre-modernism developed over time, finding its roots in the emergence of the Neolithic Revolution. The Neolithic Revolution is the time period in which Jesus of Nazareth walked and died and in which the bloody Crusades were fought. It began some 12,500 years ago during the 2^nd Ice Age, when nomadic humans began to create settlements and begin producing their own food. Key tenants of pre-modernism include respect for authority (i.e., parents and religious institutions), a belief that genuine knowledge is based on tradition, and a fatalistic attitude (“Whatever happens is the will of the gods, and our role is accept it and refuse resistance.”). In the ages of the pre-modern culture, the Jewish faith began and the Christian faith erupted. The Catholic Church was birthed, and people held the Bible as authoritative. Any guidance and answers could be found in the Bible and in the Church; the Bible and the Church had the first say in everything.

With the evolution of modernism, the impact of the Bible and the Church found itself minimized. Modernism began its reign in the 1600s and has come to its near-demise at the turn of the 21^st Century. Humanism (a commitment to the search for truth and morality through human means in support of human interests) and the Enlightenment (with its great emphasis placed on science, seen with the great scientists such as Galileo and Newton) helped solidify modernity in the advancing civilizations of the world. Modernism, at its heart, is a cultural mindset and philosophy that places respect upon knowledge and achievement. How is knowledge gained? Through science! Such an outlook became popular through the philosophers of Hume and Kant. Hume believed that all real knowledge comes from the human senses, pleasure is in the highest good, and morality is a matter of personal taste. Kant, using Hume’s ideas as a foundation, said, “If we can’t touch it, smell it, see it, hear it, or taste it, then it doesn’t exist.” Or it might exist, but it cannot be understood; so why bother? Modernism has a very positive outlook, however. The cry of modernism goes out, “Humanity must change the world!” Modernism’s influence on Christianity, however, is unavoidable. Through modernist eyes, the Bible is seen as not completely true; rather, it is good literature chocked full of symbolism. Because faith oftentimes goes against reason, Christianity had lost its power in the clutches of modernism.

Over time, however, those who had clung so tightly to the modernist philosophy and culture began to realize that the promises of modernism were not coming through. Humanity has not reached a pinnacle of omniscience, omnipresence, and omnipotence; humanity has not become the “god” modernism promised it would become. Science and knowledge had promised happiness, fulfillment, and answers… yet it had failed. Becoming disenchanted, people have begun to move into a cultural mindset that is, at its heart, a response to the disenchantment felt with modernism. People are abandoning the ideals of science and searching for truth (even questioning the validity of “truth”) in a plurality of different ways. Modernism, with its naturalistic foundations of Hume and Kant, had all but killed spirituality; now spirituality has found itself back on the market as people try to find the happiness, fulfillment, and answers that science and rationalism failed to deliver.

Modernism and postmodernism differ in many, many ways. Modernism sees facts and figures as the foundation of life, whereas postmodernism sees life as a story. Modernism embraces segregation, but postmodernism embraces multiculturalism. Modernism rejects myths, spiritual ideas, and mysteries, but postmodernism is very embracing and accepting to the spiritual realm. Modernism says that knowledge is gained through lectures, groups, and books, but postmodernism says that knowledge is gained through conversations and experience. Modernism says heterosexuality is the only right sexual orientation, though postmodernism says sexual preference is the choice of the individual. Modernism embraces science and knowledge, but postmodernism distrusts science and knowledge. Modernism ignores spirituality and is very exclusive, but postmodernism is extremely open to spirituality and very inclusive (resulting in a happily pluralistic society). Modernism says humanity can change the world, but postmodernism sees the frailty and limits of the human race and says that we are unable to save the planet. Modernism supports ideals such as absolute knowledge and the meaning of life, whereas postmodernism completely abandons these ideals.

Many are appalled at postmodernism, especially those who have lived in a modern mindset their entire lives. “How can anyone ever be attracted to postmodernism?” they wonder in amazement. They fail to see that postmodernism is so attractive because it attempts to explain life with mystery, emotions, feelings, and story rather than through facts and figures doled out by scientists with their laboratory toys. Postmodernism is attractive to the individual because it embraces many different cultures, ethnicities, and faiths, and it holds everyone’s opinion as valid. Everyone has a place in the postmodern world! No one is excluded! In the realm of postmodernism, the spiritual world is explained through discovery, mystical practices, and journeys.

“What is the great challenge of postmodernism to the gospel message?” Every culture has challenged the gospel in its various ways, and every culture has been filled with unique opportunities for advancing the message of God’s saving grace. Just because we are moving into a new culture-shift does not mean that the gospel is being extinguished. As Mark Driscoll says, “Every age is filled with sin, sinners, God’s love, and work to be done. Each generation has its resistance to the gospel, and each culture is equally far from God because of sin and equally close to God because of his love.” (51) When we speak of postmodernism and communicating the gospel message into it, there are two dangers to be avoided. First, we must not stick our heads in the sand and act like nothing is happening; this will only hinder the advance of the message. Second, we must not blatantly embrace the culture and everything it entails, for there are several aspects of postmodernism that fly in the face of the gospel message. We must examine how postmodernism challenges the gospel and at the same time encourages it.

Postmodernism poses two giant challenges to the gospel that Christians preach. First, postmodernism denies the existence of absolute truth. Jesus says in John 14.6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” (emphasis mine) There is truth to be discovered, and that truth is not found in facts and figures or doctrinal formulas, but in the Person of Jesus Christ. The great question, “What is truth?” becomes, “Who is truth?” Second, postmodernism embraces pluralism, the idea that all religions are valid and all religions lead to God. Again, Jesus’ words in John 14.6 combat this: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” Salvation is found only in Christ. Many Christians fear this pluralism without realizing that pluralism is definitely not a threat to God. The Israelites bathed in a land rich with Egyptian, Canaanite, Ammonite, Philistine, Assyrian and Babylonian gods. The early Church was birthed in a time period filled with sorcerers, witches, gods, goddesses, cults and religions. Pluralistic societies are nothing new; the Spirit is able to handle it.

Yet postmodernism also offers benefits to the advancement of the gospel message. First, postmodernism embraces spirituality, mystery, and spiritual ideas. We live in an atmosphere where religions and faiths are appreciated, despite the pluralistic challenge that exists alongside it. People are open to experiencing God and exploring different faiths. Second, people are open to conversing in a non-combatant away about differing beliefs. While this essay is not about evangelism in the postmodern matrix, it goes to say that evangelism styles will change from handing out tracts and revivals to conversations in coffee houses and bookstores.

In discussing the postmodern culture that is swiftly taking over the Western world, one must examine how Christ interacts with culture. At the incarnation, God became fully human. He lived and breathed in a pre-modern culture, working and interacting in a Palestinian and Jewish culture, talking with people living under the Greco-Roman culture. Culture is nothing new! Jesus’ embodied his message to the people of his culture, and he spoke against the evils of that culture. Not every culture is inherently evil, yet no culture is inherently good. In a sense, Jesus is against culture when he condemns the sinful aspects of it. As Christians communicating the gospel message in the postmodern culture, we must not embrace the evils of the culture (i.e., pluralism), but we must not condemn the entire culture as a whole. At the same time he condemned certain aspects of culture, however, Jesus existed within culture and spoke to people in his culture in ways relevant to that culture. As Christians, we are not called to abandon culture but to live in and interact with people in our cultures. Finally, through his blood Jesus instituted a new community of people (the Church) who transform culture. Jesus did not convert culture; he converted people within the culture, and the transformation of culture began to take shape. As Frederica Matthewes-Green says, “A culture cannot be converted… Only individuals can be converted… This is the level where things change, one individual at a time, as one coal gives light to another. When enough people change, the culture follows.” (179)

In recognizing the cultural shift, many Christians have understood that the way we present the gospel message must change, or Christianity will slowly fizzle out. One of the biggest strategies that has been employed to deal with both the challenges and benefits of postmodernism to the gospel, and to communicate the gospel message effectively to postmodern people, has been the emergence of a new style of preaching. This preaching focuses on narrative theology. “Narrative theology” differs from modern preaching in the sense that preaching moves away from three-point outlines, doctrinal treatises, and theological sermons to using stories to communicate the story of God and man as presented in the Bible.

Many Christians find themselves terrified at the idea of changing the way the gospel is communicated. “We don’t want to color-up the gospel or step into heresy!” they exclaim. The “Golden Rule” of Vintage Christianity, however, is that our methods of communicating the gospel must change whereas the content of the message must remain biblical. “What we need is not some new truth or understanding, but a return to the old truths that have been there since the beginning. A return to that which we once believed. Re-digging the source of refreshment that has been filled in over the ages either by the enemies of the faith or by those in the faith who have opted for a cultural Christianity over a biblical one.” (The Relevant Church, 92) One of the biggest fears about changing the method is that Christianity will merge with the culture and become its identical twin. This syncretism is evil and to be avoided. Mark Driscoll writes, “Syncretism simply baptizes unscriptural beliefs in the name of limp-wrested relevance, social progress, being nice, and making a good nonjudgmental impression. Syncretism inevitably dissolves into a universalism in which God loves everyone, and will forgive everyone’s sins and take everyone to heaven because he simply lacks the courage to judge anyone. Eventually, syncretists become less distinctively Christian in flavor of an inoffensive spiritual mush.” (144) The gospel message must not be changed, and the methods of communicating the gospel must not evolve into syncretism.

Preaching to postmodern people, such as that which takes place in the vintage worship gatherings, is much different than the modern style of preaching. Modern preachers often take snippets of the scriptures and elaborate upon them, using three-point formulas and teaching “incorruptible doctrine” to convey the gospel message. In communicating the gospel message to postmodern people through preaching, several things need to be kept in mind. First, the focus needs to be on Christ. The focus is not on postmodernism, it is not on the Christian, it is not on the Church. It is on Christ. Everything goes back to Christ, his sacrifice, and our new lives in and with him! Second, we must continually tell the story of God and humans. This goes back to the foundation of narrative theology. As preachers and teachers, we must see the world through a theological, big-picture, scriptural-story lens. We must continually tell the story of God and man, from the original creation to the “new heavens and new earth,” emphasizing Christ and the role that is ours to play because of what he did on the cross. Third, we must redefine and reconstruct biblical terms. Most people do not know what “justification,” “sanctification,” “redemption,” and even “grace” really mean! We must redefine these terms and perhaps even come up with new words to describe what the gospel is all about. Fourth, we must use stories to communicate the gospel. We must use stories from the Bible and from the lives of Christians to tell the story of God and the relevance it has to our daily life. Fifth, we must restore the roots of our Jewish faith. Christianity is an ancient religion that found its root in a Palestinian, Jewish carpenter. Our ancestry traces back to the days of Sumeria. This is intensely attractive to postmodern people.

Throughout our preaching, there are several things we must preach about. First, we need to preach on living as Jesus’ disciples. Christians are, at the heart, “disciples of Jesus Christ.” We need to teach on what this means and encourage Christians in their lives of discipleship and its importance. Second, we must teach on the triune God. The doctrine of the Trinity is extremely important in a culture of pluralism. Third, we must teach on Jesus being the only way to God. In a pluralistic culture, this message cannot be proclaimed enough! Fourth, we must teach on human sexuality. Sex is not bad, it is a beautiful gift reserved for those within marriage. In our sex-driven culture, this is a message that needs to be preached. God desires us to abstain from sexual immorality. Fifth, we must teach on heaven and hell. Heaven and hell are of great interest to the postmodern, though using them as pawns to bring about salvation may not be the best way to utilize these concepts. Sixth, we must teach the trustworthiness of scripture. In a pluralistic society, the Bible is seen as only one of many sacred texts, so we must emphasize over-and-over how it is the Word of God alone. Seventh, we must teach on how our discipleship will be messy. There are no perfect Christians, and this must be acknowledged with humility and love.

There exists within the United States a growing disenchantment with Christianity. We cannot simply keep doing what we’re doing in the hope that it “goes away.” It is most definitely not going away. In Great Britain and Australia, the modern church has all but disappeared in its influence in the culture. The modern church is failing more and more, and it is dying. Postmodern people look at the modern church with disgust. The Western church must change or die. It must abandon its modern ways and transition into effectively communicating the gospel to postmodern individuals. To remain in the rut of modernism (a rut that effectively conveyed the message to modern people while failing to do so to those who are postmodern) is to do a disgrace to the gospel of Jesus Christ. The gospel began in a pre-modern culture and thrived in a modern culture; we must allow it to thrive in the post-modern culture! Is there any hope? Yes! For those who look at the modern church with distaste in their hearts are completely in love with Jesus and his Way. Postmodernism is growing and growing in the United States. Modernism is on the way out, and postmodernism is creeping into every door of the church. With all the challenges presented, there are also great opportunities. May we please God and honor Christ as we effectively communicate His message to the culture in which we live.

Bibliography

Ashley, Jennifer et al. The Relevant Church: A New Vision for Communities of Faith. Lake Mary, FL: Relevant Books, 2004.

Burke, Spencer, and Colleen Pepper. Making Sense of Church: Eavesdropping on Emerging Conversations about God, Community, and Culture. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2004.

Driscoll, Mark. The Radical Reformission. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2004.

Kimball, Dan. The Emerging Church: Vintage Christianity For New Generations. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2003.

Frost, Michael, and Alan Hirsch. The Shaping of Things to Come: Innovation and Mission for the 21^st-Century Church. Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2003.

Gibbs, Eddie, and Ryan K. Bolger. Emerging Churches: creating christian community in postmodern cultures. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2005.

Jones, Tony. The Sacred Way: Spiritual Practices for Everyday Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2004.

McLaren, Brian et al. The Church in Emerging Culture: Five Perspectives. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2003.

McNeal, Reggie. The Present Future: Six Tough Questions for the Church. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Brass, 2003.

Sweet, Leonard. Post-Modern Pilgrims: First Century Passion For The 21^st Century Church. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2000.

"Why are we here?"

It is the question that has haunted every tribe, every clan, every civilization since the dawn of time. It is the question that keeps us awake at night, that puts restlessness in our bones, that makes us groan inwardly in this sad world we live in.

"Why are we here?"

We pursue answering this question through our lives. We try to find meaning, yet find it unattainable. Why do we bash King Solomon for all his searching when we do the same thing? He sought meaning in pleasure, in work, in fame, in knowledge... Yet meaning did not make its residence in any of these. Pleasure is met with grief, work is met with weariness, fame is met with being forgotten, knowledge only brings agony and futility.

"Why are we here?"

We cannot answer this question for ourselves. We must look out into the world to answer this question. We must step into the Temple of God and look out over the vast reaches of the earth to understand, to catch a mere glimpse of the answer.

"Are we here to be better people?" No.
"Are we here to not sin anymore?" No.
"Are we here to go to church and read our Bibles?" No.
"Are we here not to smoke, drink, cuss or dance?" No.

Purely and simply, "We are here to worship and serve the Universe-Creator."

"How do we do this?" We help other people. We make the world a better place. We change the world around us, in small ways and big ways.

"How do I do this?" I am still struggling to find that answer.

"speaking in tongues": a conversation

Dad and I went to Borders late last night (I picked up St. Augustine's Confessions, what a great book!). On the way back, Dad asked, "Just out of curiosity, what's your view on speaking in tongues?"

He opened quite a can of worms with that one. I said, "Okay, here's what I think. When we talk about 'speaking in tongues,' we're talking about what happened at Pentecost, right? And whether or not still happens today?" Yep. "There are lots of churches that claim to speak in tongues, but the speaking in tongues that happens there is most often babbling or something of that nature. Random noises shouted out in praise to God. Nothing wrong with that, but it's much different from what took place at Pentecost and in the days of the early church. The speaking in tongues the New Testament talks about is what happens when a person is miraculously able--by the power of God--to speak in a foreign, human language he or she does not know. The person speaks the foreign language with its accents, its tone, its words and grammar. The point of it was to spread the gospel out past the Aramaic and Greek-speaking peoples into the Mediterranean world. Does this happen today? I think God can do whatever He wants, and I've heard stories of missionaries in foreign countries who speak the native language in sermons or in evangelizing, and they don't even know they're doing and have no knowledge of the language. The purpose of tongues is to glorify God by advancing the gospel message across language barriers."

"So what about speaking in tongues today where it happens in churches?"

"Well, I think this is more of a psychological thing than an ultra-spiritual one. Caught up in the joy of worshipping God, human words cannot contain the emotions, and the person begins spilling out worship in a spray of sounds and utterances. Is it a foreign language? No. It is not a language at all. Is there anything wrong with this? Absolutely not! It is a beautiful way of worshipping God. But it is much different from what happened on Pentecost and what took place when Cornelius and his household were brought into God's family. But, like I said, there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, apparently Christians in the early church used this as a method of worship. But not everyone has to utilize it, and those who do not are no more or less spiritual than those who do."

"What do you think about that being the 'tongues of angels'?"

"Some people say that this 'babbling' that is unlike any human language is the language of the angels. However, the foundation for this belief is 1 Corinthians 13.1, where Paul says, 'Even if I speak in the tongues of the angels, but do not have love, then I am nothing.' 'Speaking in the tongues of angels' is an ancient phrase used to depict something impossible. Paul isn't acknowledging the possibility of speaking in the languages of the angels. Rather, he's saying, in a way the intended audience of his letter could understand, 'Even if I do the impossible, but I don't love other people, then I am nothing.'"

So that's my view on speaking in tongues. I know a lot of people disagree with me, and that's okay. I have many great friends who speak in tongues. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I do not choose to worship God this way. Does this make me a bad Christian? No. Will speaking in tongues make me a better Christian? No. It is what it is, my friends. It is what it is.

three views on baptism

The first view—“Baptism Needed For Salvation”—is most commonly held with those within the “Church of Christ” denominational camp. According to this view, total-immersion baptism is essential for one’s salvation. While it is the blood of Christ that cleanses us of all sin, according to this view the blood is not applied to us until we “go under” the water.

The second view—“Baptism Not Needed For Salvation”—is most commonly held within the Baptist camp. According to this view, baptism is “an outward demonstration of an inward grace.” One experiences the salvation and regeneration of the Holy Spirit when we come to God in faith and repentance. This grace bestowed upon us that we experienced when we came to God in faith and repentance is demonstrated symbolically in our baptism. It is, in a sense, the “covenant sign” of the New Covenant, whereas circumcision was the covenant sign under the Old Covenant.

The third view (and one not commonly held) is that baptism enables the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, whereas faith and repentance bring justification. While the first view says that there is no salvation outside baptism, this view says that salvation is available without baptism. While the second view says (in essence) that baptism serves no definable purpose, this view says that baptism does play a role in the life of a believer: the Holy Spirit (one of the primary gifts of the New Covenant) indwells the person at this time. However, salvation is available without the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit. Faith and repentance are all that are truly needed, though baptism is definitely desired!

I slept from 9:00 p.m. straight to 8:00 a.m. Eleven hours of pristine sleep! Amos came in around midnight and woke me up, asking me lots of questions about a hermeneutics paper due today. He was dressed for the day, and I thought I'd slept straight through all my classes! Thankfully I was simply confused, and I quickly fell asleep after I answered his questions and shot off a few emails to some people. In Basic Bible Doctrines we studied justification by faith; I skipped Prophecy and took a wonderful nap. After lunch with Nate and Monk, I went to Hermeneutics and turned in my paper. We studied figurative language in the Bible (hyperboles, metaphors, and similes); halfway through, he paused and said, "I'm done talking to you guys because you're done listening. See you next week." Amazing! So I rushed down to the coffee shop and here I sit, waiting for Kyle to answer his phone because we have a test tomorrow and a 10-page paper due Monday.

I have not mentioned Julie on here for a while, so let me fill you all in. We're friends and nothing more. We're never going to be anything more. And I'm okay with that! I believe that God has a wonderful girl for me. It just wasn't Julie. And I'm okay with that! God knows what He is doing. Julie is being a wonderful confidant, helping me deal with some of the problems I carry around like a dead corpse (that was a simile!). I realize there are lots of areas in my life that I need to clean up, and I am thankful for great friends like her (and Caleb, Brian, and Amos, too) who are behind me. I am also greatly thankful for a God who says, "Forget your past and move forward into the brilliant future I have for you!"

Now I am going to go study the prophet Isaiah since I missed class. I ran into Professor Dyke after Hermeneutics.

"Hello, Professor Dyke. How are you?"

"I'm good. How's your day been?"

"It's been good. I'm kind of tired, though."

"Did you enjoy class today?"

"No. I didn't go. I actually skipped."

"Well, I know what that's like. There are some days I don't want to lecture."

"But you don't get skip days."

"No, we professors don't."

Well, I do get skip days, and you'd better believe I use them.

I am still so tired.

I have not been sleeping well. It's been a very rough week (in the sense of sleep). I don't know why, either.

"I should take a nap." But, oh, wait, you can't! You have a five-page hermeneutics paper due tomorrow and a 10-page research paper on "Communicating the Gospel in Post-Modern Culture" due Monday... and you haven't started on either one of them!

*sigh* Such is my life at school...

I just want to sleep :(

Some would've sworn I had hit the bottle a little too hard yesterday. Since I had to wake up so early, I did not get any more sleep. I had work and class all afternoon, and then in the evening I spent my time studying and hanging out with Caleb. I drank down six shots of espresso to try and stay awake; I became a jittery little lightning-bug, bouncing off the walls and speaking fast as lightning. For twenty minutes I sat in the coffee shop and rambled on and on about Jeremiah, Hosea and Gomer, Isaiah, and the prophet Amos. Eventually I calmed down and crashed, falling asleep around 12:30 a.m. last night.

I am very happy that Julie and I are getting beyond the breakup and are entering the realm of non-romantic friendship. I asked her last night if she thought there was any hope for there being a future with us, and she said, "No." I already knew the answer, but I had to have her say it to help me "move on." It gets easier and easier each passing day, and I really enjoy being her friend. She is a real encouragement to me and makes my day brighter! I am not going to be going after any other girls for a while, for several reasons. First, I don't want it to look (to Julie) like me getting another girlfriend means that my relationship with her didn't mean anything to me. Second, I don't really like anyone right now. Third, I don't know but only two points makes me look unsure. How about number three be that I just want to really hear what God wants to say about me and girls? Sure, let's go that route. I will keep all of you informed!

Well, I must go and get ready to study the prophet Jonah in class. I love my O.T. Prophecy class.

On the schedule for this week:

a) Three Views on Baptism

b) A Memoir of Joshua

c) The Prophet Obadiah (Sunday's lesson)

And anything else I think that may be of interest. Posts I am working on:

a) Biblical Repentance

b) "Once Saved, Always Saved?" The question of Eternal Security

I am so tired.

I apologize for the baptism post not making its way onto my blog yesterday. I didn't fall asleep until 4:00 a.m. Saturday night, talking with one of my friends online (she is going through a really difficult time). On Sunday I taught on the prophet Obadiah, and I spent the day working on a multi-cultural literature paper while hanging out with friends around a bonfire out on the deck. I felt tired when Julie picked me up; I tried to take a nap before work, but sleep escaped me. I worked from 9:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. When I get tired I become a little... "ditzy"... and several people made the comment that I appeared drunk last night.

I slept a few hours and woke up for my 8:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. shift, followed by a slow class of advanced communications. I ate lunch with Julie, printed off the paper I wrote yesterday, and now my eyes gradually slide shut as I wait for the most boring of all my classes to commence.

"I find myself groping around in the darkness, searching for a breath of life. I find nothing. How long will I be stuck in this darkness? How long until I come into the night? [gulp] Does the light even exist?"

At 1/2Price Books I found a really cool book on what life was like when Jesus walked the earth. It is very straightforward and authoritative. Excellent! Mom took me out to eat Chinese food. We sat and talked about all kinds of things. It was good spending time with her. I got a fortune cookie that said, "Do not be afraid that the world is ending. It is already tomorrow in Australia!" However, Australia is fourteen hours ahead of us. Therefore, up until 10 a.m., technically speaking we are in the "same day" as Australia. So I crumbled up the fortune and tossed it on the plate. Hogwash.

I hope to spend the rest of the day studying the visions of Amos in the latter part of his book. Amos is a very offensive book to Americans. Amos preached in a time when Israel stood at the zenith of its prosperity and worldwide influence. Amidst the luxuries and commodities, the Israelites soon forgot their God and quickly became ignorant of the suffering throughout the world. Through Amos, God preaches a message demanding abandonment of idolatry and a resurrection of justice. We Americans spend our days watching tv, eating ice cream, and remaining oblivious to the worldwide suffering that surrounds us. This deeply angers God. The prophecies of Amos ought to make us uncomfortable, ought to convict us... and they ought to terrify us.

Tomorrow I have a (possibly) controversial post: "Three Views on Baptism." The first two are the most popular view; the third view is the view I hold to. It's always good to see different views to something so controversial as baptism.

Things with Julie are getting much, much better. Monday was fine, but I bathed in sadness on Tuesday and Wednesday. I thank all of my good friends (friends from both college and home) who have been so supportive for me during this time. Sadly, one of my other good friends broke up with his girlfriend (who is also my good friend), and she's a wreck because of it. These things, I am afraid, happen to us all. I wrote this "contemplation" a few days ago, called "journey":

Each day gets easier than the one before it. We may fall a lot, but we pick ourselves up and keep moving. New days come, new years dawn, and our lives continue to evolve and take shape. As we look back at where we've been and where we've come from, we begin to see the wisdom of God at work. When we originally wondered how in the world God could treat us so apparently badly sometimes, we come to see that His actions were works of mercy and grace, and that through all of this He is preparing for us a home beyond description, a life beyond measure, in this realm of existence and in the next.

I went to the Garage this evening to visit some friends who were working. It's always a task to get through the front door without paying, but somehow I manage every time. Thankfully I am friends with the man who runs the place! I made myself a hot caramel macchiato and sat outside on the bench, watching the cars drive by and thinking about life. I also had the privilege of making a few drinks for some customers; it's always good to know how to make exquisite coffee drinks (I am a beast at macchiatos). Work has been killing me lately: lots of long shifts that conflict with my "study time" (a.k.a. "free time"). When I got back, Amanda and her boyfriend Matt were over, so we had some good laughter and conversation. I read Mom some imprecatory psalms (see Psalm 137) and the last verse of Hosea 13. I love finding scripture that makes people uneasy.

I am thinking about changing-up the series I teach on Sunday. I want to spend the next 10 weeks going over the minor prophets, starting (Sunday) with Obadiah. A lot of people do not even know these prophets exist, which is sad seeing how fascinating and relevant these stories are.

I am really tired and need to get some sleep. I leave you with a wonderful quote from my good friend Alex Kaufman:

You're taking things slow with your girlfriend? That's a good call. If you go too fast, you'll find yourself standing in a dark alley with fifty bucks in one hand a goat in the other.

Honestly, I feel like a jerk for what I wrote yesterday. Julie happened to read it and we had a nice, long talk about what I wrote and how I feel and everything like that. I want to clarify a few things. First, when Julie and I started dating, she did like me. She later lost her feelings for me, which is something she has no control over. I am glad she expressed this instead of drawing things out in the hope that her feelings would return. She did not mean to toy with my dreams; she did not do it on purpose; she is such a good girl and would never do such a thing! Her actions simply came out looking that way.

I feel bad for making her out to look like some kind of demon. I forget that none of you know her like I do; your impressions of her stem totally from my words. So I want to make it clear that I am very happy to have dated Julie. I would never trade any of it for the world. I am very lucky to have had such a wonderful girl as my second girlfriend. She is far better than Sonja ever was! She is sweet, kind, compassionate, and heartfelt. She is devoted to God in a way I fear I never will be. If you have an image of her being a not-so-great girl, take my word for it: she's amazing. I know she will read this, and I hope she does not think I am doing this just to counteract what I wrote yesterday. The truth of the matter is, I really do admire this girl. I really do appreciate her. She really is an encouragement to me, and I hope that our friendship will be a great one (though it will be a significantly awkward one for a little while!).

Both of us made lots of mistakes in our relationship, but both of us are happy to have experienced it. She told me, "I am lucky to have had such a good boy as my first boyfriend." And I am even more lucky to have had her as my girlfriend, even if it was just for two weeks. I am just thankful that, for the most part, I treated her right. I cannot bear the thought of having treated her--such a princess!--in a way she does not deserve. And if her boyfriend in the future treats her badly, I'll kill him, because she's too good for that. I say all of this sincerely. I promise.

I sit in the coffee shop listening to a skipping C.D. of Rascal Flatts. Caleb exclaimed, "Son of a nutcracker!" and changed the track, muttering, "He sounded like he was yodeling." I have just finished studying the prophet Hosea for O.T. Prophecy. What a character! It's also very cool that he is situated in the middle of one of my favorite periods of biblical history, the fall of Israel to Tigleth-Pileser III and his successor Shalmaneser V. Tomorrow I get the honor and privilege of studying Amos and Jonah. The prophets are my favorite Old Testament texts; I am consumed with fascination for them! Trista and I are studying together; she's been a big help through this whole break-up thing. She saw me on the computer and said, "Anthony, you should be doing your homework." "I'll be over there in a minute, Trista."

It is very surprising to me how hard I have taken this break-up. If it's been this difficult with my depression medicine, I cannot imagine the hell I'd be going through without it! As I sat in multi-cultural literature class this afternoon, I had lots of time (an hour and fifteen minutes, actually) to really probe myself and see why I am so bothered by this. I think it comes to this: my ex-girlfriend did not like me at all. She entered into the relationship just because she did not want me to be upset; she wanted to make me happy. And she found out that it made me happy to tell me how much she liked me, how she wished we would be together forever, and she even promised me that she would not just break up with me like all the girls of the past. It hurts that all of those words were lies. While she said them in sincerity, not in the heart of deception, the end-result is clear: she played with my heart. She took my dreams in her hands and toyed with them. That hurts. A lot. Yet I am not really angry with her; I still like the girl, and I still want to be with her, though I know that is not an option. I must move on. It is just so painful to be toyed-with like this. I don't understand why she did it. She told me, "I feel so horrible about it!" I forgive the girl, but the pain remains.

There are lots of things on my mind right now. I am the kind of person who (for some unknown reason) resents double posts in one day. Today, however, I feel the need to post.

My last post (today) contained some words that came off a little hopeless. Granted, while I felt those emotions, I had just woken up and was in a weird state of consciousness. Looking back, I find myself kind of shocked at those words that I had written. It's almost laughable, really. I am feeling quite fine today. I've been doing homework, hanging out with friends, and staying out of the rain.

Both Amanda and Ashlie pointed something out to me yesterday. "Each girl you date or like is better than the one before her (physically and personality-wise)." She's right. Every time I am in a relationship and it breaks apart, I find myself wondering how I could ever find the best when I thought I had the best. And then someone even better comes into my life. Right now I'm wondering how I could ever be with someone better than Julie, but if my life is cyclical (as I believe it may very well be), then the next girl will be even more amazing! Eventually I will meet an amazing girl, marry her, and build a family with her. Julie just isn't that girl. It's as if every girl is a foretaste of what God will ultimately bring me. And that very idea excites me.

This whole ordeal has also led me to think about what I really want in a girl. I mean, "What kind of girl do I want?" Also, I need to understand that I am the kind of guy who is looking for "the one," and to start dating a girl who just wants a boyfriend is probably not the wisest move. We both have different end-goals. One of us is looking in a different direction than the other. Is any of us foolish for the direction we are looking? No, not at all; however, it is a good idea to be on the same page with a girl whom I'm dating. I want a girl who is looking for "the one", where dating is seen as a preview and testing-ground for marriage. Julie just wanted a boyfriend; I should have been wary of this in the beginning, but I was not. That's my fault.

Caleb--my roommate--has been encouraging me a lot, too. He pointed out Matthew 7.7-11, and he said, "God knows that you sincerely want to be a good husband and a good father, and I believe He will honor that dream." I really hope so!

The past day or two has been hard. It is always a difficult thing to begin to experience what you've only desired just to have it suddenly taken from you. Anyone who has read this blog for any extended period of time knows that one of my greatest desires in life is to be a good boyfriend, a good husband, a good father. It is one of my dreams. Sadly, however, it seems that when life begins to finally take on the shape of what I've always dreamed it could be, I find myself thrown out of the moving van, curled up in a ditch wondering what in the world happened. I find myself back to where I was, dealing with a whole host of emotions: resentment, sadness, hopelessness... but at the same time there is growing joy, growing hope, growing trust as God tells me that everything will be okay.

When every relationship you've been in takes on the same pattern--a very discouraging pattern!--it becomes more and more difficult for you to really believe that there is such a thing as hope out there. With every discouragement, a part of your hope dies, and you become colder and more calloused. This is beginning to happen to me. I used to be a dreamer; I'm becoming a stoic.

Now I must be off to class. I have a quiz on Obadiah, Joel, Amos, Hosea, and Jonah.

I just have a handful of things to say.

First, while I was really shaken up last night over the breakup, everything is smoothing out right now. I spent the morning standing out on the deck in prayer, and God really comforted me, consoled me, and encouraged me. "Everything is going to be okay... got it? Trust Me. I have you in My hands. Everything will work out beautifully."

Second, there are a few things I learned from this whole ordeal. First, I learned that I need to find my satisfaction, fulfillment, and happiness in God, not others. He is the only one who can really fill our lives with joy and contentment. Second, I learned that I need to pursue girls who are the kinds of girls I am looking for. Julie is a wonderful girl--a FANTASTIC girl--but what we're looking for in partners isn't really parallel. Honestly, I am ready to settle down. I really am. I need a girl who is really wanting to settle down, who is ready to start a family. I know that sounds silly coming from someone only 20 years old, but it is true. Julie just wasn't ready for that (she's the wise one out of us, I guess!), and that is absolutely A-okay!

Third, I don't want anyone to judge or label Julie because of the break-up. She is a really good girl, and I am very excited about continuing our friendship. In the past many of my friends have turned hostile towards those girls who have broken my heart, but I don't want that to happen this time around. I really respect Julie; she's an awesome girl with an awesome devotion to God, and I will be very angry if her reputation is tarnished by this.

Fourth, I ask that you pray for me as I "move on." I will not "get over" the breakup immediately, though things are going faster than I expected. Please pray that God will enable me to get over these feelings for her so that our solely-friendship relationship can develop and grow to meet its true potential.

Fifth, have a wonderful day!

I really do not have much to say. My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. She said, "I don't think I like you anymore." That's the second time I've heard that line in two months; I'm on a roll.

*sigh*

Such is my life, apparently.

No doubt tomorrow will be very hard. I really like that girl. I still like her. I thought things would work out with her. What I felt for her was something entirely different from what I felt with Sonja; I cared for her more, wanted the best for her, wanted to treat her right and let her know that someone really liked her. It really does break my heart that she broke up with me.

She said it had nothing to do with anything I've done or the kind of person I am.

It's tough, when life repeats itself in cycles, to believe that there's the possibility of newness or change. Sometimes it feels like this is the lot I've been thrown, and no matter how hard I try, how hard I pray, how hard I try to change my life... It is never enough. It always comes back to this. I just want things to change :(

I have been going through some spiritual struggles lately. It happens to all of us. My prayer life has dwindled, my time with God has narrowed down to nothing. I begin to feel the effects of this decreased intimacy with God through lots of worry, anxiety, and a general restlessness. On top of all this, my teaching ability decreases drastically. I taught a lesson on "forgiveness" this morning, but it did not go well. It is really sad. I hope that some people, at least, could take something I said in my inherent ramblings and apply it to their lives.

As of lately, I have really been struggling with embracing the forgiveness that God gives me through Christ. See, I know the ins-and-outs of forgiveness; I can write a five-page paper on forgiveness in no time flat, but yet it's nearly impossible for me to really feel the joy of forgiveness. I know that I am forgiven, for I have come to God in faith and repentance, but yet the guilt and shame still remain. I hear the whispers of evil in my ear: "Look at the person you've been, look at the things you've done. How could God ever love you? How could God ever forgive you?" And then he brings Julie into the picture: "Look at how great a girl she is. How could God ever let you stay with her? He's going to make sure you guys don't stay together, because she does not deserve you at all." Julie and I talked about this, and she encouraged me a lot. She's praying hard for me, and I am so thankful for that. It's so hard sometimes! I (honestly) believe that God wants me to be with Jules, at least right now; with Sonja I knew things weren't going to work out, I knew that it wasn't where God wanted me, but I pursued it anyway because I thought it would help suave my depression (notice: a girlfriend will not help balance out chemicals in the brain!). But with Julie, I feel that this is right--we both do!--and so the enemy throws a lot of flak my way because of it.

I hope to spend much of the day in prayer, getting back on track with God, expressing my heart, and praying that He will enable me to be truly liberated from the shame and guilt of my sin, to embrace the joy of my salvation. Tonight Julie and I *might* be going to Element, so if we do, that will help, too.

Thank you all so much for your heartfelt prayers!

Yesterday was one of the most enjoyable Fridays of this semester so far. First, I didn't have to work (Monk scheduled Trista my 8-11 shift instead!). Second, I got to spend time with Brian and the boys laughing our butts off late into the night. Third, I got to spend the day with Jules: we ate lunch in the cafeteria, went to the girls' and boys' soccer games, then went back to my place to eat Oreos for dinner. We sat on the chair in my room and talked for about an hour; Mom came in, exclaimed, "You guys are so cute! Let me take a picture!" so we humored her. Tomorrow I will work on my lesson for Sunday ("The Prophecy of the Gospel in the Book of Joel") and spend the day watching movies with my girlfriend before going to a bonfire party for Emily's birthday.

I suck at "desert communion" or "quiet times" or "devotionals" as some call them (I prefer John Eldredge's "Desert Communion" personally), so I decided to buy a short devotional that I can read then pray over. Lately I have been struggling with lots of guilt and shame over my sin, so today's devotional really touched me. It included a quote by J. Oswald Sanders:

Scripture is realistic in its treatment of sin, whether in the believer or unbeliever. It recognizes that sin is a continuing problem, even for the believer. He is not forever done with sin when he is converted, because he never gets beyond the reach of temptation. True, he has experienced the joy of forgiveness. He revels in the assurance that his guilt has been removed, but he's nowhere promised exemption from the lure of temptation or the possibility of sinning...

Then how is it possible for a God who hates sin and requires purity, to continue having dealings with a sin-prone believer, to say nothing of permitting a deepening intimacy? The answer is that in the multi-faceted death of His Son, provision is made for a cleaning so deep, so radical, so continuous that a believer can walk with God in unbroken communion and deepening fellowship.

I take to heart the words of St. Paul: "Forget the past and embrace the future: Christ!" (somewhere in Philippians; it's my girlfriend's favorite verse) I pray that God will let me enjoy the sweet taste of forgiveness' joy, that I may revel and bathe in the delight of Yahweh. Let me close with a simple scripture that will be my prayer day-in and day-out:

Adonai, tell me your ways. Show me how to live. Guide me in your truth, and teach me, my God, my Savior. I trust you all day long. Adonai, remember your mercy and love that you have shown since long ago. Do not remember the sins and wrong things I did when I was young. But remember to love me always because you are good, Adonai. - Psalm 25.4-7

One of my friends leads a house church (or something like that) in my hometown. On his blog he wrote this about serving other people

Service, much like love, has no agenda. We do not serve to be thanked, or to be enriched. We do not serve to lift ourselves up or to add stories for us to share later. We serve because Jesus served. Period.

In the paragraph before this, he writes about how when Christians think of "service projects," images of glory and grandeur come to mind. He makes the point of emphasizing that serving other people isn't always so grand (in fact, most of the time, it is quite ordinary, mundane, and unnoticed). When Jesus washed the disciples' feet to show them the way of servitude, he did someting quite ordinary, quite mundane, something quite run-of-the-mill. As Jesus' disciples, we must be content to serve others in the simplest, unnoticed ways.

Have you ever sang that song in church called "His Banner Over Me"? It goes something like this:

He brought me to His banqueting table
And His banner over me is love.
I am my beloved's and He is mine
And His banner over me is love.

I've never personally sung this song in church, and I am quite thankful! Here's why: this song finds its origin in an obscure verse in an obscure book of the Bible called "The Song of Songs" or "The Song of Solomon." You can read the verse in chapter two, verses four and 16. The Song of Songs is a very erotic book of the Bible; in the olden days, Rabbis would not allow boys under thirteen to even read the text because of its sensual nature. The Song depicts several stories of a couple's romance, the romance often culminating in sex. I believe the author of this book is one of Solomon's many wives, one whom he actually loved; I believe she wrote this to him and it found itself a treasured work.

So, with all that said, the question arises: "What, exactly, are we singing to God when we sing this song?"

Once again, the dangers of taking scripture out-of-context becomes apparent. "Well, the Song of Solomon is just an allegory of Christ's relationship with His people." The allegorical interpretation is a weak one, in my opinion, but let me close with the words of my good friend and co-worker Rob Hoos: "...and just for the record, I sure hope that book is not an allegory of Christ and the church, cause if it is, it is going to be really awkward in heaven."

In his letter to the Christians in the ancient city of Corinth, Paul advises them to examine themselves and see if they are in the faith. He writes, "Don't you know that Christ Jesus is in you--as long as you pass the test?" On Sunday we talked about how we should examine ourselves to see if we are really "in the faith." It is very possible for us to claim to believe something we do not really believe; it is even possible to pretend to be something or someone for so long that we convince ourselves that we're something or someone completely opposite of what or whom we are (at least you didn't have to read that one twice!). Jesus says that there are many people who think that they are "in the fold of God" but who are really shut out from His presence. How can we "examine ourselves" to see whether or not the faith we claim is genuine?

First, we examine whether or not we seek to obey God. Jesus says in the gospel of John, "He who loves God obeys His commandments. He who does not love God does not obey His commandments." Because of our sinful (though defeated) natures, we will never be perfect in our obedience, yet we must strive for obedience. We must desire to obey God and seek to obey God in all areas of our lives. If we live lives of disobedience, giving not a care to God and His standards, then we are failing this aspect of the test.

Second, we must examine how we act towards other people. One of the ancient Christians said, "If we claim to belong to Christ but do not love other people, we are liars, and the love of Christ is not in us." The love spoken of here is not a love of affection or warmth or fuzzy feelings for other people; it is agape love: it is love rooted in action, a love of the will that seeks the betterment of others, a love that acts favorably towards all (friends and enemies). It is a love of selflessness, servitude, sacrifice, and kindness. Are we loving others as God commands us to love others? If we are not, then we are not really part of God's family.

Third, we must not love the world. The scriptures tell us plainly, "If you love the world and the things of the world, the love of God is not in you." First, "What is the world?" The "world" is the whole host of those practices, attitudes, and motivations that stand opposed to God. The "world" is selfishness, greed, indifference, and the abuse of sensuality. Now, "What does it mean to love the world?" To love the world is to submit to it: it is to submit to the selfishness, greed, indifference, and abuse of sensuality that our sinful natures crave. It is to embrace a life lived in hostility and opposition to God. If we embrace such a life, then we are not children of God.

I believe that there are many who claim allegiance to Christ but who are really mistaken in their assumptions. If we claim allegiance to a king, but do not live out our allegiance, then our allegiance is a farce, right? How is it any different with claiming loyalty to God? If we claim loyalty to God but live in a totally other manner, then it makes sense that we aren't really loyal to God. In fact, we may be completely opposed to Him! So let us examine ourselves, and if we fail the test, may we come to God dressed in sincere faith and repentance.

I've become slightly disenchanted with my blog as it stands; the posts are usually pointless, and they've become pretty repetitive: "I did this, then this, and then we did this..." So I've decided to kind of "change things up." What does this mean? Well, I'm dedicating certain days to certain kinds of posts. I'm not sure on the exact order or "style," but I think this would really help spice things up. We'll see what happens.

But since I haven't figured out the "new blog" yet, let me do the usual and elaborate on my day. I went to Starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte (yes!), then drove to Xenia to hang out with Jules. We wanted to go to Cox Arboretum, but it was packed with people for a garlic festival (dumb joke time: "None of them were vampires, I'm sure!"). So instead we went to Waldruh Park and walked the trails. Ashlie begged us to stop by, so we did, and then we watched as Ashlie and my dad got into a heated argument over baptism's role in salvation. Jules and I needed a break, so we decided to hit the road. We ended up at North Park, where we stood at the bridge and talked for a really long time. She commented on how cold it was, so we went back to my place and made a fire, sitting next to each other and talking about all kinds of things. We ate dinner (warmed-up chicken helper) and went to the Garage for a caramel macchiato. We talked the whole way back to her house, which is weird because we got there about 10:30 and she is usually conked-out by 10:00. She promised me she'd stay awake the whole time, and she did it just to prove that she could.

Now I must go get some sleep and practice my lesson for tomorrow (well, today...): "The Story of God".

What a beautiful day! The sun burns bright, the sky glows a deep blue, the leaves are turning and changing colors, dancing in a plethora of reds, oranges, golds and browns. I love to just sit outside on the front porch, drink hot chai tea, and watch the leaves spin to the ground. How elegant is fall! It reminds me of something I said to Jules; we were talking about how much we love fall, and I told her, "When we get back next week, we'll get some hot apple cider, sit on the hill, and look at the trees changing colors. And we can watch the squirrels play with their nuts!" I didn't mean it "like that," but it was still pretty funny.

Quitting smoking is harder than I thought it would be. Thankfully, Jules is supporting me one hundred percent. "Anytime you get the urge, just give me a call and I'll yell at you!" Yesterday I went to Starbucks to read a few chapters out of a book on bible doctrine while sipping a delicious caramel macchiato. I think I'm addicted. Today I am going to finish reading the chapters, and tomorrow I will spend the day hammering out my notes into a 12-page paper due sometime next week (not sure on the exact date yet; I'm thinking Thursday?). I also plan on doing some research on Obadiah; I have a term paper on Elijah coming up, so I might work on that.

I'm considering starting a blog to post some of my thoughts on Old Testament studies; the first few months would be spent on Old Testament History, and I would plan on getting something up around once a day. What do you guys think? Any Old Testament fans who would bother reading it?

sacrifice

I remember those days when I wallowed in despair, wondering when a girl could ever find any kind of interest in me. In these moments of despair, I did lots of thinking. I thought about what it meant to "love" a girl. I think it's foolishness to tell a girl, "I love you," unless you're absolutely sure of it. Yet I do believe there is an aspect of love to all romantic relationships; I'm not talking about mere affection, I'm talking about a love rooted in action.

A love that is selfless.
A love that is sacrificial.
A love that is serving.
A love that desires the betterment of others, even at the expense of self.
A love that is kind, caring, compassionate, just.
A love that is founded upon the will.
A love that is a decision.

As I begin the romantic journey with a "special someone," I want to treat her right. I believe that to treat her right means to love her in the agape since of the word. There are four Greek words for love (eros, philia, storge, and agape). Agape is called a love of the will. It is a love founded in action. It is a love that looks beyond the self, a love that transcends one's own desires. It is a love that looks out for the other.

"How can I love my girlfriend with an agape love? How can I interact with her in a selfless, serving, and sacrificial way--when I am around her and when I am not?"

One habit of mine my girlfriend absolutely does not like is my smoking. As many people know, I've smoked for a while. A year and a half, actually. I really enjoy it. Yet now I am in a relationship, and it is something that really bothers her. Do I tell her to deal with it? Do I tell her to ignore it? Do I continue to do it and lie to her? "Absolutely not!" to all of the above. I called her tonight and told her, "I know it really bothers you, and even though we agreed to me doing it every once and a while... Well, you are definitely worth the sacrifice, so I'm going to stop."

I believe this is what love is all about. This is what makes relationships work. And is it worth it? A year and a half of enjoyment ended for a single person? A habit that calms me, soothes me, and comforts me erased for the sake of one girl's desires? Is she worth the painful journey of withdrawal? Without question, YES, it is worth it. She's worth it.

It feels weird: it's only Wednesday, but I'm done with work and school for the week. Fall break begins today and lasts through Sunday, so I have a four-day weekend. It will be a bittersweet experience: sweet because I get to see my friends, set aside time for several projects for school, and hanging out with my family; bitter because I will be away from all my friends. Yesterday was spent with Julie: after classes, we decided to go to Applebee's for dinner, then we took a random drive into Kentucky. We visited Brian at his parsonage, then checked out a nearby park, swinging on the swings and talking. Brian told me, "She seems like a really sweet gal. I'm not sure what she sees in you." (He meant it jokingly, of course!). He said, "Treat her right. Don't do anything to screw it up." My hope, prayer, will and desire is to treat her right. She really is a wonderful girl. I told Brian, "The way I feel towards her is nothing like what I felt towards my last girlfriend; this is so much better." He said, "I could see it was different when you two walked in together." I'm fine with taking it slow: I haven't even held her hand yet, but I'm comfortable just getting to know her.

I have much to do over the four-day weekend: a 12-page paper for Basic Bible Doctrines, a TON of notes for a term paper on the life/ministry/person of Elijah the prophet, and on top of all this I need to work on a take-home exam for my multi-cultural literature class. Hopefully I'll have time to watch some good movies, cruise the streets with my friends, and take naps with Doogie. We'll see what happens. Oh, and on Sunday I teach a lesson on "The Story of God." It should be pretty simple and straight-to-the-point.

Oh, and the hot apple cider with caramel is now an "official" drink at the Hilltop Cafe. Victory is mine!

For the next twelve weeks, I am teaching a series on the gospel. The hope of my teaching is to expose the students to the gospel in several different ways. For example, yesterday we talked about the "Dream of God," and next week we will be talking about "The Story of God." Each of these lessons looks at the gospel from a different point-of-view. My hope is that the students will hear the gospel in a way they've never heard it, hopefully in a way that resonates with them and leads them to explore the salvation found in Christ. Sometimes it's hard to teach, for I feel like Elijah: preaching the Message, but being ignored. Preaching the Message, but being hit with rebellion. Preaching the Message, and watching it pass over them as they bathe in apathy. It's really hard, especially when my greatest friends from high school have abandoned God for the "pleasures of the world": sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.

This week should be good: classes tomorrow till noon, a short shift in the coffee shop Wednesday, then fall break begins! I hope to spend fall break studying the creation accounts in the Bible; I find them absolutely fascinating. Oh, and hanging out with friends and family... and maybe even meeting my girlfriend's family.

Julie and I ate lunch together, went to Steve & Berry's for some new fall clothes, then hung out in the coffee shop till about 9:30. She said, "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I want to be your girlfriend." Terrific news! She is such a wonderful girl, I am so happy that we're together. I rushed into things with Sonja, and I felt God saying, "This isn't where I want you to be." I feel like God is smiling upon my relationship with Julie. It's amazing to think how a simple four weeks have changed everything. Four weeks ago this Wednesday, Caleb worked a supervisor shift in the coffee shop and I visited him. A cute girl walked in, and Caleb read her name on the computer when he rang her through. He came back and sat with me, telling me, "Her name is Julie." And then, through a random twist-and-turn of events, I got to know her and realized her outer beauty does not compare to her inner beauty. She's the Proverbs 31 gal. So right now I am a very happy man, thanking God minute-by-minute for this marvelous girl whom I do not deserve. My hope and prayer is that I treat her right as long as we are together.