I sit in the coffee shop listening to a skipping C.D. of Rascal Flatts. Caleb exclaimed, "Son of a nutcracker!" and changed the track, muttering, "He sounded like he was yodeling." I have just finished studying the prophet Hosea for O.T. Prophecy. What a character! It's also very cool that he is situated in the middle of one of my favorite periods of biblical history, the fall of Israel to Tigleth-Pileser III and his successor Shalmaneser V. Tomorrow I get the honor and privilege of studying Amos and Jonah. The prophets are my favorite Old Testament texts; I am consumed with fascination for them! Trista and I are studying together; she's been a big help through this whole break-up thing. She saw me on the computer and said, "Anthony, you should be doing your homework." "I'll be over there in a minute, Trista."

It is very surprising to me how hard I have taken this break-up. If it's been this difficult with my depression medicine, I cannot imagine the hell I'd be going through without it! As I sat in multi-cultural literature class this afternoon, I had lots of time (an hour and fifteen minutes, actually) to really probe myself and see why I am so bothered by this. I think it comes to this: my ex-girlfriend did not like me at all. She entered into the relationship just because she did not want me to be upset; she wanted to make me happy. And she found out that it made me happy to tell me how much she liked me, how she wished we would be together forever, and she even promised me that she would not just break up with me like all the girls of the past. It hurts that all of those words were lies. While she said them in sincerity, not in the heart of deception, the end-result is clear: she played with my heart. She took my dreams in her hands and toyed with them. That hurts. A lot. Yet I am not really angry with her; I still like the girl, and I still want to be with her, though I know that is not an option. I must move on. It is just so painful to be toyed-with like this. I don't understand why she did it. She told me, "I feel so horrible about it!" I forgive the girl, but the pain remains.