Thursday, October 19, 2006

Honestly, I feel like a jerk for what I wrote yesterday. Julie happened to read it and we had a nice, long talk about what I wrote and how I feel and everything like that. I want to clarify a few things. First, when Julie and I started dating, she did like me. She later lost her feelings for me, which is something she has no control over. I am glad she expressed this instead of drawing things out in the hope that her feelings would return. She did not mean to toy with my dreams; she did not do it on purpose; she is such a good girl and would never do such a thing! Her actions simply came out looking that way.

I feel bad for making her out to look like some kind of demon. I forget that none of you know her like I do; your impressions of her stem totally from my words. So I want to make it clear that I am very happy to have dated Julie. I would never trade any of it for the world. I am very lucky to have had such a wonderful girl as my second girlfriend. She is far better than Sonja ever was! She is sweet, kind, compassionate, and heartfelt. She is devoted to God in a way I fear I never will be. If you have an image of her being a not-so-great girl, take my word for it: she's amazing. I know she will read this, and I hope she does not think I am doing this just to counteract what I wrote yesterday. The truth of the matter is, I really do admire this girl. I really do appreciate her. She really is an encouragement to me, and I hope that our friendship will be a great one (though it will be a significantly awkward one for a little while!).

Both of us made lots of mistakes in our relationship, but both of us are happy to have experienced it. She told me, "I am lucky to have had such a good boy as my first boyfriend." And I am even more lucky to have had her as my girlfriend, even if it was just for two weeks. I am just thankful that, for the most part, I treated her right. I cannot bear the thought of having treated her--such a princess!--in a way she does not deserve. And if her boyfriend in the future treats her badly, I'll kill him, because she's too good for that. I say all of this sincerely. I promise.

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