The past day or two has been hard. It is always a difficult thing to begin to experience what you've only desired just to have it suddenly taken from you. Anyone who has read this blog for any extended period of time knows that one of my greatest desires in life is to be a good boyfriend, a good husband, a good father. It is one of my dreams. Sadly, however, it seems that when life begins to finally take on the shape of what I've always dreamed it could be, I find myself thrown out of the moving van, curled up in a ditch wondering what in the world happened. I find myself back to where I was, dealing with a whole host of emotions: resentment, sadness, hopelessness... but at the same time there is growing joy, growing hope, growing trust as God tells me that everything will be okay.

When every relationship you've been in takes on the same pattern--a very discouraging pattern!--it becomes more and more difficult for you to really believe that there is such a thing as hope out there. With every discouragement, a part of your hope dies, and you become colder and more calloused. This is beginning to happen to me. I used to be a dreamer; I'm becoming a stoic.

Now I must be off to class. I have a quiz on Obadiah, Joel, Amos, Hosea, and Jonah.