Tuesday, May 04, 2010

The Choice of Repentance

In my last post regarding repentance (something I've been thinking about lately), I defined what I perceive repentance to be. Before I throw to the wind my thoughts regarding the nature of the choice of repentance, I want to make a retraction and adjustment to what I wrote at the end of April. I wrote about how repentance is founded upon a change in behavior and is less about the disposition of the mind. I want to retract this and then redefine it. I said that in the Old Testament, the pivotal point of repentance was behavioral change. It was behavioral change which the prophets demanded in repentance, but the demands themselves were not so much calls for simply changes in behavior but, rather, changes in one's stance towards God. The outward acts of repentance can be self-induced (i.e. behavioral change), but God's ultimate concern is the heart of man. This is why we find God railing against His people through the prophet Amos: they were "going through the motions" of loving God but, in their hearts, they didn't really love Him. This theme is picked up in Joel where God declares in chapter 2, "Return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; and rend your hearts and not your garments." One can go through the motions of repentance--changing behavior and practices--and still love the self and love sin. So what we find in the N.T.--that repentance is a "change of mind"--is not opposed to what we find in the O.T.: it's precisely the same thing, except observed from a different angle. The focus of repentance is upon a person's heart, the person's inner disposition towards God.

As I wrote in late April, repentance is forsaking love of self and sin (our own kingdoms) and loving God and His kingdom. But in saying this, I must redefine what "love" means. In popular culture, and thus within the vast majority of modern Western Christianity, to "love God" means to feel warm and affectionate feelings towards Him. This understanding of "loving God" is not only unscriptural but dangerous as well (for reasons I'll spell out in another post). When we read the N.T., "love of God" is manifested in obedience. Thus "loving God" produces obedience/repentance, and "not loving God" produces disobedience. It is not a matter of one's feelings (for how, then, could we fulfill Christ's commandment and love our enemies?) but, rather, a matter of one's focus. To "love God" means to be devoted and dedicated to Him (and, subsequently, His cause: His kingdom). If you disagree, just check back in a week or two; I'll address this issue. So with that in mind--"loving God" being equivocal to "devoted to God [and His kingdom]"--we can perceive repentance as being the abandonment of devotion and dedication to ourselves and our kingdoms and a refocusing of our dedication and devotion onto God and His kingdom. Within this framework, obedience is a natural result and a subsequent manifestation. This is why repentance must always produce behavioral change: going from devotion to self and our kingdoms to devotion to God and His kingdom demands a radical reorientation of everything that we are (our goals, our dreams, our motivations, our practices, everything); whether or not someone changes is evidence enough of whether or not that person is truly repentant.

Repentance is a choice between self-dedication and dedication to God. And I believe this choice is not so much a matter of the heart but a matter of the will. In saying this, I open myself up to a flurry of attacks (which won't come, of course, because no one reads this!), so let me clarify what I mean. The Bible clearly teaches that the heart of men is wicked and deceitful. No one can escape this. As the psalmist declares (and as St. Paul reiterates) "no one is good; no, not even one." All of our hearts are corrupt and wicked, indwelt by Sin. We seek after our own agendas, we seek to satisfy ourselves, we seek to prove the logic of our pride, and we seek to build up our own kingdoms however we please. In our hearts, our desire and devotion is focused on ourselves. We may do what we perceive to be "good things," but these are called into question: there is almost always a root of selfishness (however small and well-concealed) within even our seemingly good actions. We are, by nature, dedicated to ourselves and our own kingdoms. In this sense we are idolaters. An idolater is anyone who worships the creation rather than the Creator, and the Jewish conviction (shared by St. Paul) is that everyone is an idolater. We may not worship "gods of stone and bronze," and we may not be New Age nature-worshipers or postmodern pagans; but we do worship ourselves, we stand tall as if we are gods. We are creatures--created by God, His creation--and we worship ourselves as gods. In our devotion to ourselves and our kingdoms, we "play God" and thus categorize ourselves as idolaters.

The choice to repent is, as I've said and stress again, a choice between idolatry and worship of the true God, the Israelite God YHWH. As Joshua told the Israelites after their conquest of the Promised Land, "Now fear YHWH and serve him with all faithfulness. Abandon the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and devote yourself to YHWH. But if being devoted to YHWH seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day to whom you will be devoted, whether the gods your forefathers were devoted to beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve YHWH." The call to repentance is no different than Joshua's command: we must choose to devote ourselves to YHWH. But no one is forced to devote themselves to YHWH. When one stands at the door of repentance, the person must choose: "Shall I devote myself to the Living God? Or shall I devote myself to me and my own kingdom?" And just as it was undesirable for some to serve YHWH (as evidenced by their later blatant rebellion and disobedience), so today, when some stand before the door of repentance, knowing full well their need for repentance, some will refuse to repent.

In our hearts, we love ourselves, our sin, our own kingdom. And let us be honest: it is desirable to serve ourselves. The gods of the ancient Eastern world were so desirable because, in worshiping them, people were able to worship themselves, gratifying their own sexual cravings, living life in the state of blind euphoria, serving themselves inasmuch as they served the false gods. The call to repentance demands that we forsake living for ourselves: it demands that we forsake serving ourselves and being devoted to ourselves and instead look outwards at God rather than inwards at ourselves. It requires that we cease the pleasure-seeking of the world. It requires that we abandon the pride of possessions, the pride of life, and the lust of the eyes. It requires that we give up momentary and temporary sinful gratifications for the cause of God and His kingdom. And repentance, let's be honest, isn't very fun; and for a culture that is all about entertainment, quick fixes of euphoria, and the "thrills and excitements" of the "adrenaline-rushed" life, living a somber and seriously-minded life that faces the harshness of reality for what it is rather than escaping it through a plethora of escapist tactics is not too desirable. As a wise old man once told me after shutting the door so one would hear him, "Repentance is DAMN HARD. It makes me want to curse and scream and cuss and holler!" Repentance is hard because it goes against what we in our natures crave: ourselves and our kingdoms. It is "damn hard" to be sure.

And the hardness and difficulty of repentance illuminates the point I made earlier: that it is not so much a matter of the heart (what I define as the disposition of our thoughts/feelings/motivations, etc.) but a matter of our own volition (our will, our ability to choose). The person who repents does not repent because suddenly he is filled with an adoration and affection for God. The person who repents does not repent because he has, instantaneously, been freed from love of self and love of sin and filled with love of God and love of His kingdom. The person who repents is a person who, despite love of self and love of sin, decides to forsake that love and crucify it in Christ; the person who repents is the person who decides--regardless of the source of the decision, what has brought him to that decision, etc.--to devote himself to God and His kingdom rather than himself and his own kingdom. The choice of repentance is a choice made out of the will--encouraged, no doubt, by God's convictions on the heart--to repent. God does not force anyone to repent. It is His desire that everyone come to repentance, but in His respect of our freedom of choice (something my Calvinists friends despise!) He allows a person to choose. He will encourage and prod and convict a person to repentance, but in the end, the person is given the freedom to give God the finger, to curse God, to turn his back on God, and to continue serving himself and his sin and his own kingdom, being warped and distorted more-and-more until he reaches the point of being beyond hope and beyond pity.

2 comments:

Cory Isaac said...

that wise man sounds like Dr. Snyder. Am I right?

darker than silence said...

Dyke, actually :)

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